Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

whitewing

With Valentine's Day looming, I was wondering how things were going with ptn..

victory

How are you doing PTN?

mrs_angry

the answer is a big fat NO affairs never have a happy ending, because someone, whether it be the wife, husband, lover/tart or worse still kids feels pain and hurt, even though that pain and hurt seems to go, it never really does! just ask a spurned wife/husband or kids who watch their parents split.

my husband had an affair 3 months ago, well i say affair it was more of a bunk up here and there, he never intended to leave me, never spent evenings or weekends with this woman, we are still together, and trying to make a go of it, did it turn out well, well our marriage is better than before, but i will never ever forget the pain and hurt, nor will my kids!! what did the other woman get out of it, well just the odd bunk up here and there, and it would take some cold hearted b**ch to say she didnt care that he then said thanks for that but i actually love my wife and kids and intend to stay (if she will still have me)

hope you came to your senses in the end and finished it, because there really is no fairytale ending, if he really loved you, he would leave his wife and kids for you, not have you as his bit on the side, your just his escape from reality, his bit of fun, but deep down you know that already!

Bogof_Babe

I'm so sorry you've had to join this horrible club mrs angry, and I agree with everything you say.

Don't suppose we'll ever know what happened to the OP. I think she received a few more home truths than she bargained for.

mrs_angry

i just didnt like reading the views of the "other woman" who was trying to justisfy her actions! because i know that sat at home is some poor unsuspecting wife most probably slogging away bringing up the kids etc.... and i know that because i was that wife.

i suppose for me its all about self worth, i could never be the other woman, waiting for them, knowing they were at home with thier wife, (even if they didnt love them, or said they didnt) i know there are two sides to every story, but the op asked if there was ever a happy ending, and from the answers she got it seems she was told no, as even some of the other women told her it all ended eventually.

its not a club i ever wanted or thought i would belong to, and the pain will stay with me forever, i would love to have been able to speak to the other woman, still would just to show her exactly what she didnt end up with, and ask her if it was worth it!

as far as im concerned if the man doesnt leave his wife/kids before anything happens that means its just fun and excitement for him, i dont doubt she gets fun too but women are sensitive emotional souls, thats how we are made, and deep down the op wanted the man to leave his wife and be with her.

i do hope she comes back here and then we can all see if her fairytale ending ever happened, which i doubt.

heartbreak_star

I don't wish to go into details, but I had an "overlap" with my partners...I didn't want to hurt my ex but knew I desperately wanted to be with my current partner, (who I was having a low-level affair with) I have loved him for many years (long story).

My ex had depression issues and I used to tiptoe round him all the time, he was a lovely guy but not right for me despite 10 years together. One day he just asked honestly "Do you want to be with me?" and I said "No." That was that.

I stayed away from both of them for a while, then grew together with my OH.

Things do work out for the best sometimes - I have been in contact with my ex and he is absolutely fine. Even our mutual friends have said we are better people apart

HBS x

mrs_angry

im pleased things worked out well for you, but the issue isnt whether people are right for each other, of course sometimes marriages/relationships go wrong and people are not happy, but surley they should end their current relationship before entering into a new one.

affairs do hurt someone, obviously you dont want to go into details but did you tell your ex you were having the low level affair before you left him, if you didnt he wouldnt have felt the hurt as it was kept from him, even yourself you must have felt hurt somewhere, as you were with someone who you didnt want to be with, wanted the man you loved.

of course even ending the relationship without having had an affair hurts too, but not as much as hearing the person you are with has not given you the respect to say its over before starting an affair.

im pleased yours and your ex's lives turned out well in the end:)

heartbreak_star

Sadly I didn't tell him and I will hold my hands up and admit that was totally wrong - if I become that unhappy again I have promised myself to confront it head on rather than taking the softly, softly approach! And it did tear me apart that one way or another I was going to hurt a good man - whether I broke up with him or he found out, it was going to be awful But he did admit he was hurting anyway - he felt the relationship was breaking down and didn't know if either of us wanted to save it. It was an awful situation and I will never be in it again!

Many thanks for the good wishes. So many things could have gone badly wrong and I'm glad they didn't.

HBS x

Marisco

mrs_angry wrote: »

im pleased things worked out well for you, but the issue isnt whether people are right for each other, of course sometimes marriages/relationships go wrong and people are not happy, but surley they should end their current relationship before entering into a new one.

affairs do hurt someone, obviously you dont want to go into details but did you tell your ex you were having the low level affair before you left him, if you didnt he wouldnt have felt the hurt as it was kept from him, even yourself you must have felt hurt somewhere, as you were with someone who you didnt want to be with, wanted the man you loved.

of course even ending the relationship without having had an affair hurts too, but not as much as hearing the person you are with has not given you the respect to say its over before starting an affair.

im pleased yours and your ex's lives turned out well in the end:)

In an ideal world, of course they should, but things are not always that simple or black and white!

Person_one

Marisco wrote: »

In an ideal world, of course they should, but things are not always that simple or black and white!

I can't think of any situation where someone is forced to start an affair.