Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Marisco

Person_one wrote: »

I can't think of any situation where someone is forced to start an affair.

Now where did I say that anyone is forced to start an affair? But things happen, not always to plan and none of us have crystal balls, so we don't ever know what is round the next corner!

MeganKate

mrs_angry wrote: »

the answer is a big fat NO affairs never have a happy ending, because someone, whether it be the wife, husband, lover/tart or worse still kids feels pain and hurt, even though that pain and hurt seems to go, it never really does! just ask a spurned wife/husband or kids who watch their parents split.

my husband had an affair 3 months ago, well i say affair it was more of a bunk up here and there, he never intended to leave me, never spent evenings or weekends with this woman, we are still together, and trying to make a go of it, did it turn out well, well our marriage is better than before, but i will never ever forget the pain and hurt, nor will my kids!! what did the other woman get out of it, well just the odd bunk up here and there, and it would take some cold hearted b**ch to say she didnt care that he then said thanks for that but i actually love my wife and kids and intend to stay (if she will still have me)

hope you came to your senses in the end and finished it, because there really is no fairytale ending, if he really loved you, he would leave his wife and kids for you, not have you as his bit on the side, your just his escape from reality, his bit of fun, but deep down you know that already!

I am sorry that you have been hurt, but how on earth did the CHILDREN know about what happened?

I cannot think of ONE SINGLE REASON why someone would tell their children when a partner had had an affair. FIne let them know if you were having problems etc. but why would you tell them WHY unless you deliberately wanted to hurt them and damange their relationship with the parent?

mrs_angry

i never told my children? and never said i did, you are jumping to conclusions im afraid! but my kids aged 9, 12 and 14 did hear what went on the night he dropped the bombshell on me, that i couldnt help because out of sheer shock i was shouting, for that i will not forgive him EVER my 12 and 14 year olds are not stupid and knew what had gone on from the fiasco, i was in bits, thankfully my 9 year old doesnt really know what went on and wont ever i hope.

i would never tell the children news like that!! and i wouldnt even tell them we were having problems unless i really needed too.

from upset in the kids i meant that they heard everything, they saw their mum in bits and it hurt them.

now they see mum and dad making amends, and loving each other and they will be coming with us to church when we have our rings blessed, showing them that sometimes people can be forgiven even when wrongs have been done.

even if things had not turned out so well, i wouldnt choose to confide in my children as i believe they need to be protected, im just sorry that in our case this couldnt be avoided and hope it doesnt have any long lasting damage to them, i hope that seeing mum and dad working at their marriage even through the tough times will give them hope

MeganKate

mrs_angry wrote: »

i never told my children? and never said i did, you are jumping to conclusions im afraid! but my kids aged 9, 12 and 14 did hear what went on the night he dropped the bombshell on me, that i couldnt help because out of sheer shock i was shouting, for that i will not forgive him EVER my 12 and 14 year olds are not stupid and knew what had gone on from the fiasco, i was in bits, thankfully my 9 year old doesnt really know what went on and wont ever i hope.

i would never tell the children news like that!! and i wouldnt even tell them we were having problems unless i really needed too.

from upset in the kids i meant that they heard everything, they saw their mum in bits and it hurt them.

now they see mum and dad making amends, and loving each other and they will be coming with us to church when we have our rings blessed, showing them that sometimes people can be forgiven even when wrongs have been done.

even if things had not turned out so well, i wouldnt choose to confide in my children as i believe they need to be protected, im just sorry that in our case this couldnt be avoided and hope it doesnt have any long lasting damage to them, i hope that seeing mum and dad working at their marriage even through the tough times will give them hope

I didnt jump to any conlusion you saidthat the children were upset about what he had done (and seemed to be blaming her for a lot of it) dont get me wrong I fully understand where you are coming from, but I also believe that, whilst children are not stupid, they need to be protected from 'adult' problems and they certainly dont want to see the 'wrongdoings' of their father, whatever he has done to you.

But as you now say that they dont know what happened, only that 'something' had happened, the 'affair' wasnt what upset your children, it was the argument that followed.

I am pleased that you are working things out, but please dont ever forget that it was your husband that wronged you, not the other woman

mrs_angry

I am pleased that you are working things out, but please dont ever forget that it was your husband that wronged you, not the other woman



i WILL NEVER forget that it was my husband that wronged me, and I WILL NEVER forget she wronged me too, she knew me, knew we were married, knew we had kids and although she had not made marriage vows to me, owes me nothing etc, i certainly will add some of the blame on to her, affairs happen because of 2 people, and i wont change my view on that, i hate what he did, but i love him, i just hate her and i wont make an apology for that fact, and any "other woman"must expect to get that response from the wife.

its only now i know who she is that i realise she is a sad lonley old woman, and for that i pity her, am i bitter, yes slightly in one way, in the other im pleased that our marriage was saved as such by this event.

my children do know another woman was involved as that was overheard, i hate that fact as i wouldnt wish for them to think badly of their father ever, and i dont think they do, i think the lesson that has been learned by all is sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes those mistakes can be fixed as in our case and sometimes they cant, seeing mum "forgive " dad has shown them love can prevail over the worst of situations.

mrs_angry

Acc72 wrote: »

Firstly, I am genuinely sorry that you are in your current situation.

You are clearly very angry - as per your user name.

It is interesting that you have been "Mrs Angry" since April 2007 : what have you been angry about for the past 5 years ?

haha when i first joined mse it was because i was always complaining about how companies etc had treated me/family etc when looking for advise and it became a joke in the family so i was always refered to as mrs angry, so thought it apt to use that name, i can assure you im not angry all the time, but usually when i come on mse im angry because im complaining about something, or someone!

maybe new year, new start, new user name ,any suggestions??

Katie1980_2

I was the victim of an affair except I was the girlfriend that got cheated on. But mine was very different the "thing" he had an affair with I refuse to call it a woman as she is the worst example of a woman I have met. was 14 years older than him and all our mutual friends that we knew together all 3 of us knew about it and ecouraged the affair and even covered for them!

Now a few months on I am now happy and in a stable loving relationship with my new partner who knew both me and my ex but nothing of the true situation although he had his doubts. We have seen them out together and from what I have heard it is not a happy relationship and she distrusts him greatly and won't let him out of her sight anywhere and hates him having younger and prettier friends.
Give up cut your losses find someone who loves you for you and not prepared to make you 2nd Best... I saw sense and ended it before I found out the relationship and only found out a few days after I finished it with him but still have to deal with the legacy of her trying to create trouble for me

Person_one

Marisco wrote: »

Now where did I say that anyone is forced to start an affair? But things happen, not always to plan and none of us have crystal balls, so we don't ever know what is round the next corner!

We don't have crystal balls, but we are in control of how we behave!

You can't guarantee you won't meet someone you're attracted to, you can control whether or not you act on it while still committed to your current partner.

Lotus-eater

Person_one wrote: »

We don't have crystal balls, but we are in control of how we behave!

You can't guarantee you won't meet someone you're attracted to, you can control whether or not you act on it while still committed to your current partner.

I believe we have already spent 237 pages going over this. But the fact is, sometimes our urges overcome the veneer of civilisation we like to paint on ourselves, yes it's wrong to most people, but it happens, has always happened and will always happen.

Person_one

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I believe we have already spent 237 pages going over this. But the fact is, sometimes our urges overcome the veneer of civilisation we like to paint on ourselves, yes it's wrong to most people, but it happens, has always happened and will always happen.

Rubbish.

Excuses excuses, everybody is capable of NOT having an affair, its really easy, you just don't.