Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

thorsoak

northerner77 wrote: »

Ok, what about cybersex with an ex? What if PTN was only doing that?

How squalid. How sad! I'd rather go for a walk with the dog!

northerner77

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Somehow worse with someone who's attached still. (Before I get shouted at, yes I am making a judgement, think that's what you asked for).



"Virtual" sex = not cheating, but still deserving of a wifely b0ll0cking.



Not great, much worse with someone you have actually been physically intimate with at some time.

Thanks, I'll take all that on board just in case

victory

Tilly1810 wrote: »

I have read this entire thread....yeah, have to get a life sometime!!

I have a VERY strong relationship with a guy who live in the USA, and yes, we have sexted, but have never been intimate... When I say strong I mean it, we are in touch all day every day! I don't see anything wrong in it, but I'm separated!!

I also have a relationship with a local guy, who I see ever now and again, both guys know about each other.... it works well... I don't consider I'm cheating on either of them, as they both know when I'm talking to or meeting the other one!

Some people will find that weird I guess, but it works for me/us!

Why 2?................................

gratefulforhelp_2

northerner77 wrote: »

Thanks, I'll take all that on board just in case

Ha ha which bit? Your Missus or Mista might have other ideas!

victory I think 2 because one is virtual.

bobble_hat

Glad to hear that you've reached an agreement PTN. I wish you well.

euronorris

northerner77 wrote: »

A real tangible affair (with all the implications) is far far worse in my book, what do the regular (ladies) in the thread think?

Not that I've had the chance to engage in cybersex with any of my exes.

If my OH engaged in cybersex, with anyone other than me, then I'd consider that cheating and, seeing as there are no children for us to consider yet, would probably end the relationship.

POPPYOSCAR

euronorris wrote: »

If my OH engaged in cybersex, with anyone other than me, then I'd consider that cheating and, seeing as there are no children for us to consider yet, would probably end the relationship.

I agree with you.

euronorris

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree with you.

Thankfully, so does OH.

That's the most importan thing with this stuff, that you each know the other's limits with regards to interaction with the opposite sex, and that you agree to not overstep those limits. If you aren't able to do that, then you should move on to someone who's views match yours better.

For example, I have some friends who flirt like mad in front of their fellas, and their fellas don't mind. But OH and I would hate for the other to do that, so we just don't do it.

I know his ex used to drive him crazy because she was a big flirt, and would think nothing of sitting on another guy's lap in the pub (:eek:). They obviously weren't very well matched there, as she didn't see a problem with it, but he did. She did go on to cheat, whether her level of usual flirting had anything to do with it, I don't know. Probably though. I think she was totally unaware of the signals she was giving out to guys.

FatVonD

euronorris wrote: »

If my OH engaged in cybersex, with anyone other than me, then I'd consider that cheating and, seeing as there are no children for us to consider yet, would probably end the relationship.

Me too.

PTN, hope you can remain strong this time, I see it panning out one of these ways...

1) The marriage was never as bad as you were lead to believe, he isn't a serial philanderer and they'll stay married.

2) He is a serial philanderer with no intention of ending his marriage and will take up with another mistress sooner or later.

3) You will stay in contact and slip back into the old routine of chatting/playing games and become emotionally dependent on speaking to him again.

4) You cut off all contact with him, he realises you mean business and that he's lost you and leaves his wife.

5) You cut all contact with him and go on to meet someone far nicer.

I'm sure there are plenty of others but, despite thinking what you've been doing is wrong i really hope you are strong enough to go for scenario 4 (if only because with any of the other options his wife remains in the dark.)

I hope you have the strength to cut off all contact because 'staying friends' isn't going to benefit anybody other than him (and will be so damaging to you.) It's not like you work together or have mutual friends/relatives, he lives miles away, you're not even going to bump into him by accident at the supermarket, all you need to do is step away from the computer!!!!!

I'm sure you'll miss the daily contact but busy yourself with something else, you've had some great allies on this thread, chat to them instead! (As long as they will be honest with you about how different the actions of a man that truly does intent to leave his wife are.)

Good luck for the future, I too will miss this thread if and when it slips off the page and I know that I feel I know a lot more about what goes on in the minds behind the user names now so I shall be looking out for more of various people's wisdoms on other threads (while running a mile from others!)

FatVonD

VestanPance wrote: »

I've always viewed it as being disrespectful.

I totally agree