Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Bumpmakesfour

nickyhutch wrote: »

My Mum was absolutely finished for years and years. Don't write her off!

Thank you for the nice wishes That's nice to hear on a thread like this. I hope (and I'm sure) your Mum will move past (not "get over") her heartbreak. We are made of strong stuff, us humans!

Very welcome x
And nope my dad did a very thorough job.Waited till the week my mum hit retirement age and she left the job she loved to "spend more time with her husband",together they'd racked up high credit card bills in my mums name for holidays/bills he "forgot" to pay.Then he walked off happily into the sunset with someone half my mums age.
She found the mortgage was in massive arrears,no bills paid.She had no friends to turn to because his cow bag OW worked for the same company my mum just left and she couldn't face anyone,she had no savings,nothing...so had no independance, no income.Lots more carp..OW harrassing my mum and me nearly getting arrested going looking for her blah de blah.She's never got over it..very very sad
Well..enough of me and my issues!!!! Sorry..got carried away there

nickyhutch

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Very welcome x
And nope my dad did a very thorough job.Waited till the week my mum hit retirement age and she left the job she loved to "spend more time with her husband",together they'd racked up high credit card bills in my mums name for holidays/bills he "forgot" to pay.Then he walked off happily into the sunset with someone half my mums age.
She found the mortgage was in massive arrears,no bills paid.She had no friends to turn to because his cow bag OW worked for the same company my mum just left and she couldn't face anyone,she had no savings,nothing...so had no independance, no income.Lots more carp..OW harrassing my mum and me nearly getting arrested going looking for her blah de blah.She's never got over it..very very sad
Well..enough of me and my issues!!!! Sorry..got carried away there

No you didn't get carried away. Your views are completely understandable, and mine would probably be different had I witnessed that.

I was 7 when my Dad left so was shielded from most of the crap. I do know, though, that my grandparents were at our house EVERY NIGHT for my mum for a long, long time. I remember getting into bed at with my mum, crying, saying "I want Dad" and her replying, crying, "so do I". I know that he went to court and ended up paying 1p per year maintenance for me and my sister because he "wasn't earning" (he and new wife were self employed and the business was all in her name). I remember being so, so poor. I remember my Mum's agony.

I also remember how she found someone else.

I know how my Dad is now. I remember how he was with his second wife - a shadow of what he was and is. A proper Dad. I wouldn't take those years away from him, though, because he has his 2 sons. my fantastic brothers. I love him with all my heart. I know that the 1p a year business was down to his 2nd wife. I know that he had to beg her to see us and to have us to stay for the weekend. I also know 2nd wife's againies, being a 2nd wife myself. I know my Dad's agonies as well as my my Mum's, those agonies arising from bad choices.

I love my Mum and my Dad with all my heart. They are human and imprefect. They have BOTH been through monumental crap, and have come out of the other side, and I am the product of the both of them (and of my stepdad), whatever that makes me. They are both wonderful people, in different ways.

I know that my son will say the same about me and his Dad. That really is enough for me.

catkins

MissMitch wrote: »

I agree, but presumably by the time an affair occurs in a marriage, love and respect have been damaged for some reason anyway, and this can be for any number of reasons or grey areas. And whilst I'm not having a go at you personally as I haven't really followed individual posters enough to know who said what, it's clear that several posters on this thread haven't got a clue what respect means as they're arguing their pov by using cheap shots & being downright rude, & I don't suppose this is just reserved for forum posting.

Sadly, I do not agree that by the time an affair occurs love and respect have been damaged. I know quite a lot of people who have had affairs just because of the excitement. In almost all cases they stayed with their wife/husband because they did still love them. A couple left for a while to be with the other person but then went back to their husband/wife having realised the grass is not always greener (hardly ever greener!). Having an affair might be exciting (not my idea of exciting but there you go!) but once you move in with your lover it soon becomes routine i.e. dealing with housework, who puts the rubbish out etc.

I don't personally feel they could not have respected their other half though or else they would not have been unfaithful

northerner77

Overdose of moralising going on here at present, does furtively resorting to !!!!!! constitute being unfaithful to one's partner, or is it utterly unlike having an affair?

VestanPance

northerner77 wrote: »

Overdose of moralising going on here at present, does furtively resorting to !!!!!! constitute being unfaithful to one's partner, or is it utterly unlike having an affair?

!!!!!! isn't being unfaithful or anything like having an affair, but depending on peoples thoughts towards it or the amount of time one partner may be spending viewing it then it could easily become a problem or destructive force within a relationship.

Lotus-eater

northerner77 wrote: »

Overdose of moralising going on here at present, does furtively resorting to !!!!!! constitute being unfaithful to one's partner, or is it utterly unlike having an affair?

Of course it's nothing like being unfaithful.

How on earth can it be?

cheepskate_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Of course it's nothing like being unfaithful.

How on earth can it be?

Unless you are the star in it....think that may usually be the wife's tho

gratefulforhelp_2

cheepskate wrote: »

Unless you are the star in it....think that may usually be the wife's tho

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

northerner77

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Of course it's nothing like being unfaithful.

How on earth can it be?

Ok, what about cybersex with an ex? What if PTN was only doing that?

Lotus-eater

northerner77 wrote: »

Ok, what about cybersex with an ex? What if PTN was only doing that?

That's not !!!!!!.

Cybersex with anyone, is emotional cheating in my book. Up to the individual partners if they are OK with that or not.