Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

whitewing

ptn, how would you feel if this wife you don't know were to get hold of a copy of the email that you sent her husband? Would you feel that she has no right to read it? Would it invade your privacy if she did?

Welshwoofs

Pollycat wrote: »

I was commenting on the fact that PTN doesn't think she's doing any harm to the wife 'because she doesn't know her'.

She isn't doing any 'harm' to the wife - the husband is. He is the one straying whilst in a marriage.

And yes again, I do agree that NOBODY knows what it's like in that relationship - and that includes you too.

I'm not the one speculating on the relationship though am I.....

I'm not automatically painting the wife as a 'poor innocent' and PTN as a 'heartless home wrecker' (I'm not a lazy thinker or small minded) although I do think that the comment by PTN that I refer to in my post #4106 is heartless.

Those comments were not to you in particular - they were general statements to describe some of the vicious harridans I see in this thread who obviously have nothing better to do than constantly tear down the OP from their fantasy moral highgrounds.

FatVonD

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Don't worry she did - only when he clicked his fingers she went running right back to the loser

I started pontificating about this a while back only to be disturbed with pesky work to do mid post so I'll try again...

I don't believe PTN did end it (in the sense that you mean), she was (possibly) close to getting what she wanted so I can't see that she would have chosen that timing to suddenly 'do the right thing'.

I believe she may have delivered a bit more of an ultimatum than she originally intended (possibly egged on by this thread) and was left with no choice but to go through with it when it became clear that it wasn't going to go her way.

Of course I could be totally wrong but PTN has never shared the details of what actually happened but I think this is the most likely scenario...

Pollycat

Welshwoofs wrote: »

She isn't doing any 'harm' to the wife - the husband is. He is the one straying whilst in a marriage.

Whilst I think the majority of the blame lies with the cheating husband, I can't be convinced (by you or anyone else) that PTN is totally blameless in this whole sorry situation.
So, in my opinion, she is doing 'harm' to her cheating lover's wife.
She allowed the affair to bloom in the first place and she has allowed it to continue over the last 2 years - in the full knowledge that he was married.

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I'm not the one speculating on the relationship though am I.....

On my post that you picked up on and quoted from, neither was I.......

whitewing

In post 30, mid July, ptn said she'd been involved for two and a half years, so this sorry episode is nearer two and three quarter years now.

Well, ptn, I guess he's not going to ruin Christmas for his family being as we're so close now.

I have always been of the opinion that the chap bears most of the responsibility but I do not consider ptn blameless either.

Lotus-eater

Welshwoofs wrote: »

She isn't doing any 'harm' to the wife - the husband is. He is the one straying whilst in a marriage.

Of course she is, he's most to blame. PTN's isn't without blame though.

I don't understand just from a basic feeling of humanity, why she doesn't care how the wife feels here.

I find that the most shocking of all. I can understand an affair, but you have to be pretty hard to not feel guilt over it.
It's like every other long term affair I've seen (although I've not seen one personally this long before), the other woman does delude themselves into thinking they are in the right and doing nothing wrong.

Emmzi

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Personally, I would prefer to break up with someone face to face and say goodbye.I do not like 'dumping by phone or text' I think that is callous.

My son recently finished with his girlfriend. I am pleased to say he met with her and told her. I would have not been happy with him if he had not done it that way.

Be a dull world if we were all the same. I believe being told you are not quite good enough - for that is what it always amounts to - face to face, is just wringing out every last drop of agony and pain you can!

- not "right" enough to marry
- not "right" enough to live with
- not "right" enough to be chosen over job/ family/ cat/ whatever

Every break up is fundamentally for the same reason. "You are not the one I want to put at the centre of my universe." Every reason for that is going to hurt.

I'm quite ok with a "nope, it's not working out for me" by email or whatever. I don't need exact reasons at my age. I'm not going to change, so we both want to be together more than anything else, or we don't. After that, there's nothing more to say. It's all just high drama for the sake of it.

gratefulforhelp_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

I was looking at some material that I have here from the training that I have done as a volunteer. Interestingly, it states that to change something usually takes between 3 and 7 attempts and there are more often than not several relapses. Of course the person has to really want to change their behaviour, but it is unrealistic and self defeating to expect to change something after just one try.

That makes complete sense.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Personally, I would prefer to break up with someone face to face and say goodbye.I do not like 'dumping by phone or text' I think that is callous.

Totally agree.

Welshwoofs who are you referring to as "harridans"?

eta "a scolding old woman; nag" Collins English Dictionary ... I'm struggling to see that PTN is being nagged, scolded maybe. And how you know age and gender of posters?

an9i77

I am of the opinion that it is always better to break up face to face (or at least have a face to face meeting soon after breaking up if the actual breaking up has to be done by phone). Something to do with closure. If PTN has been seeing mr. can't keep his thing in his pants for 2 3/4 years now then I'd imagine she does want a face to face goodbye. PTN will you be strong enough to actually end it though? Remember he'll be trying to persuade you not to, but if he really has your interests at heart, and not just your own, he should let you go.

gratefulforhelp_2

an9i77 wrote: »

mr. can't keep his thing in his pants

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: