Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

POPPYOSCAR

Emmzi wrote: »

But it's fair enough to ask questions isn't it? I genuinely do not understand what a rational person would be getting out of continuing this discussion. It is one school of thought versus another and they are not going to meet.

You may believe they will, and she will "see the light", and good luck in that crusade.

Do you not think that if someone is 'attacked' they will seek to defend themselves? Is that not human nature?

She has tried once to finish it. Not everyone is the same and some are stronger than others. Hopefully, she will try again and it will be easier the second time around.

rachbc

I agree Emmzi - at one point PTN seemed to be taking on board a lot of what people where saying about short changing herself with a relationship where 1 party cannot give completely. She tried and failed to walk away and now only seems intent on defending herself and her lover and tbh sounds more and more deluded as she does so.

gratefulforhelp_2

an9i77 wrote: »

Don't worry I believe threads automatically get closed at 5000 posts - only another 898 to go then!

Not always.

Emmzi

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Do you not think that if someone is 'attacked' they will seek to defend themselves? Is that not human nature?

She has tried once to finish it. Not everyone is the same and some are stronger than others. Hopefully, she will try again and it will be easier the second time around.

You may be right. I've just walked around the outside of this block a few times and don't reckon the odds.

I'd be looking more at "why you need to raise your self esteem" than "why affairs are wrong", I think they are closely linked.

purpletoenails

Emmzi wrote: »

I have no idea why PTN is still here. She has now had every opinion in the world, but has decided on her course of action. This feels like picking over the bones of a long dead thing.

I'm still here because the thread is still being posted on

Pollycat wrote: »

The quote below is from vickylouise87 yesterday (post#4046)



The quote below is from PTN yesterday (post#4053):

That is the most deluded comment I've ever read.

So PTN is saying:
"Because I don't personally know the wife of the bloke I'm having a long-term affair with, I'm not destroying anyone?"

Oh well, that's all right then, PTN.
When/if she finds out, you can sleep comfortably at night knowing you 'didn't destroy anyone'.

What a totally selfish way to (try to) justify this affair.

Yes, I meant I'm not intentionally destroying anyone, amd I have already admitted that my actions are selfish regarding this affair.

No I'm not here for the attention, previous to last nights post I hadn't, I don't think, added anything to the thread for about a week. Less than 10% of the posts on this thread have been written by me - I'm not bumping it up every 2 hours to make people read it.

I'm also aware that whatever I post will be criticised. Whatever he says to me will be classed as a lie and I will be called deluded for believing him. I have asked him if he's had affairs before and he has said no. I do believe him, so in answer to northerner77, yes I am the 1st and I'd like to think I will be the last but I can't predict the future sadly.

I wasn't going to post this update because I know what sort of comments will follow, but for the posters that are genuinely interested, last Friday I deleted him from my phone, fb, messenger etc. He was understandably very hurt and shocked as I did it with no warning. I sent him a lengthy email with an explanation, and we spoke on the phone yesterday and have arranged to meet next week. He knows that it is make or break time, as do I.

POPPYOSCAR

Emmzi wrote: »

You may be right. I've just walked around the outside of this block a few times and don't reckon the odds.

I'd be looking more at "why you need to raise your self esteem" than "why affairs are wrong", I think they are closely linked.

I totally agree.

Pollycat

Welshwoofs wrote: »

The happiness of the wife is not PTN's responsibility, it's her own. If the husband chooses to stray that's entirely HIS responsibility, nobody else's.

I didn't say that it's PTN's responsibility for the happiness of her lover's wife.
I was commenting on the fact that PTN doesn't think she's doing any harm to the wife 'because she doesn't know her'.

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I'd also say that speculating about the state of someone's relationship and whether a wife would be 'destroyed' if she found out her husband was straying is completely pointless and entirely based in fantasy. NOBODY here knows what it's like in that relationship but the husband/wife involved and automatically painting the wife as a 'poor innocent' and PTN as a 'heartless, home wrecker' is the lazy thinking of the small minded who simply want to project their own fears and insecurities on to someone else.

I didn't speculate on the state of someone's relationship, and it was PTN herself who used the word 'destroy'.
Yes, I do agree that PTN is living in a fantasy world. :cool:

And yes again, I do agree that NOBODY knows what it's like in that relationship - and that includes you too.

I'm not automatically painting the wife as a 'poor innocent' and PTN as a 'heartless home wrecker' (I'm not a lazy thinker or small minded) although I do think that the comment by PTN that I refer to in my post #4106 is heartless.

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm still here because the thread is still being posted on



Yes, I meant I'm not intentionally destroying anyone, amd I have already admitted that my actions are selfish regarding this affair.

No I'm not here for the attention, previous to last nights post I hadn't, I don't think, added anything to the thread for about a week. Less than 10% of the posts on this thread have been written by me - I'm not bumping it up every 2 hours to make people read it.

I'm also aware that whatever I post will be criticised. Whatever he says to me will be classed as a lie and I will be called deluded for believing him. I have asked him if he's had affairs before and he has said no. I do believe him, so in answer to northerner77, yes I am the 1st and I'd like to think I will be the last but I can't predict the future sadly.

I wasn't going to post this update because I know what sort of comments will follow, but for the posters that are genuinely interested, last Friday I deleted him from my phone, fb, messenger etc. He was understandably very hurt and shocked as I did it with no warning. I sent him a lengthy email with an explanation, and we spoke on the phone yesterday and have arranged to meet next week. He knows that it is make or break time, as do I.

Well done, that is a big step forward.

I really hope you now have the courage to see this through to the end no matter how hard it is for you.Be strong and resolute.

purpletoenails

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I totally agree.

I think my self esteem is fine really, although as I have stated before, this situation is definitely having an impact on it.

Pollycat wrote: »

I didn't say that it's PTN's responsibility for the happiness of her lover's wife.
I was commenting on the fact that PTN doesn't think she's doing any harm to the wife 'because she doesn't know her'.


I didn't speculate on the state of someone's relationship, and it was PTN herself who used the word 'destroy'.
Yes, I do agree that PTN is living in a fantasy world. :cool:

And yes again, I do agree that NOBODY knows what it's like in that relationship - and that includes you too.

I'm not automatically painting the wife as a 'poor innocent' and PTN as a 'heartless home wrecker' (I'm not a lazy thinker or small minded) although I do think that the comment by PTN that I refer to in my post #4106 is heartless.

I think I used the word 'destroy' in my post as I was responding to someone else that had said it.

I was looking at some material that I have here from the training that I have done as a volunteer. Interestingly, it states that to change something usually takes between 3 and 7 attempts and there are more often than not several relapses. Of course the person has to really want to change their behaviour, but it is unrealistic and self defeating to expect to change something after just one try.

Pollycat

purpletoenails wrote: »

I wasn't going to post this update because I know what sort of comments will follow, but for the posters that are genuinely interested, last Friday I deleted him from my phone, fb, messenger etc. He was understandably very hurt and shocked as I did it with no warning. I sent him a lengthy email with an explanation, and we spoke on the phone yesterday and have arranged to meet next week. He knows that it is make or break time, as do I.

But you've been there before.

You've cut contact but allowed him back in.

What makes you so sure that this time will be any different?