Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

grey_lady

I don't see why people should be encouraged to stay in unhappy marriages, fear perhaps.

Wickedkitten

purpletoenails wrote: »

I do understand what you are saying, but I really can not see how I am ruining her life. Is it my fault they don't have a happy marriage? Is it my fault that he enjoys spending time with me? Yes I do take some responsibility because I am enabling him to have an affair, but it is not so that I can ruin her life just for some self gratification.

You can't have it both ways. you are adamant that he isn't seeing anyone else so technically the only reason that he is cheating on his wife is because of you.

It's not your fault that he doesn't have a happy marriage but you being in the picture certainly isn't helping matters and there is a very significant chance that it will ruin her life.

Also as far as him putting his childrens needs above his own? All of the time that he is spending texting you, playing games online with you, and spending time with you is time that he could be spending with his children but he is putting his need to be with you before them.

purpletoenails

vickylouise87 wrote: »

Oh, we believe you...

You don;t need to believe me, i'm quite happy that in my everyday life I am a kind, considerate and caring person. Just because i am doing one thing that is selfish, doesn't mean that I spend my entire life being selfish

PTN, what were you expecting when you started this thread? That people would tell you it'll be okay, that they've been there too, give you some handy tips... Tell you what you are doing is justified, as we all do crazy thing for love...?

Nope, I was genuinely interested in peoples experiences, from all sides, but the overwhelming response has been from people who have been cheated on, or from people who have never been involved in an affair.

Why are you still here trying to justify yourself? No one is convinced that what you're doing is okay - you've just persuaded a board full of people that there are some truly awful people in the world, and that you are one of them. Not everyone thinks that, and I'm sure they already knew there were some truly awful people in this world

It's not too late yet, but you're not going to stop what you're doing and you have complete disregard for love, and everything it stands for. So go, have fun being the other women. Enjoy being second best. Maybe one day you will find some self respect and exhibit some basic human decency. Until then, you're nothing but an inexpensive and incredibly gullible courtesan. I wonder if your affair had worked out whether you'd be replying to me with the same response??

The sad thing? I was looking through this board this afternoon looking for tips for saving for a wedding. The whole idea makes me feel a bit sick now.

Well as you yourself admitted to breaking up a marriage, hadn't the possibilty of your husband to be having an affair already crossed your mind, regardless of whether you had happened across this thread?

an9i77

PTN for what it's worth, I think you want to leave this chappy but you can't do it. You know it makes sense to end things, because the situation isn't making you happy (or else you wouldn't have come on this board in the first place) but because you love this man, you can't let go. C'mon how many women are happy being the 'other woman' and always coming second in a man's life?
Well it's like giving anything up, at first it will hurt like hell but it hurts a lot less in the long run than staying where you are.
Maybe next time you 'leave' him you can resist the temptation to go running back to him the minute he clicks his fingers. Otherwise you're stuck in this unsatisfactory situation forever really, aren't you.

Money_maker

purpletoenails wrote: »

I do know that they have separate bedrooms at home 100%. It doesn't matter how I know, I just do know. I'm not sure when they last had sex, but they have a 17 year old, so it will have been more recently than 1952.

I know I said I wouldn't post on here again but forums are quiet tonight so had a little peek.

Interesting post here. From this return comment, the youngest 'child' is 17.
17:eek:

We're not talking about putting little childrens needs before his own, we're talking about a nearly adult 17 year old.

So how old will the dear 'little' children be before he feel man enough to leave - 40?

So sorry for you PTN. I think that deep inside you know that there will always be an excuse. And I think you have accepted that and are prepared to sacrifice the rest of your life for him. You can lead a horse to water...

mandi

Lotus-eater wrote: »

PTN's I am disgusted with your attitude tbh.

Just because you don't know someone, doesn't mean you can't destroy them, but it does mean in your case, that you don't care if you destroy someone.

Honestly I thought you were better than this. Now I see just how unfeeling you are and realise you have justified this to yourself so much, that you now believe you are totally in the right.

Lotus Eater Hi ,

I really understand what you mean by this post and yes I agree PTN has a part to play , however we have to remember that a married man is cheating on his wife .

The ball I suppose is in " both courts " and both are to blame .

If one or the other stopped the relationship then it would end. As neither PTN or the married man want to end it then the relationship will continue , until they are found out ( which will happen )

Who's to blame ? Both guilty as charged I'm afraid .

Welshwoofs

I see the vocal moral minority are still chuntering away on this thread. Those bitter because their own relationship has fallen apart and those so insecure in the relationship they have that they worry about women 'stealing' their men.

Must be so nice to be perfect

PTN - my advice? Screw the lot of 'em. If someone strays in a relationship the fault is theirs and theirs alone. The only reason why some of these women are being so nasty is because they're obviously of the ilk who prefer to heap the blame on the 'scarlet woman' because it means they can conveniently excuse the man, not have to face the problems in their relationships and attempt to gloss it all over and carry on as though nothing ever happened.

purpletoenails

Wickedkitten wrote: »

You can't have it both ways. you are adamant that he isn't seeing anyone else so technically the only reason that he is cheating on his wife is because of you.

It's not your fault that he doesn't have a happy marriage but you being in the picture certainly isn't helping matters and there is a very significant chance that it will ruin her life.

Also as far as him putting his childrens needs above his own? All of the time that he is spending texting you, playing games online with you, and spending time with you is time that he could be spending with his children but he is putting his need to be with you before them.

Yes, I agree, but I am not forcing him to see me.

'all of the time' he spends messaging me and other stuff - well one of his children is at Uni, the other is a teenager who has other things she'd rather be doing. He's there for them at the times when they want or need him - if it coincides with a time he's talking to me or whatever, then of course they get priority.

an9i77

an9i77 wrote: »

PTN for what it's worth, I think you want to leave this chappy but you can't do it. You know it makes sense to end things, because the situation isn't making you happy (or else you wouldn't have come on this board in the first place) but because you love this man, you can't let go. C'mon how many women are happy being the 'other woman' and always coming second in a man's life?
Well it's like giving anything up, at first it will hurt like hell but it hurts a lot less in the long run than staying where you are.
Maybe next time you 'leave' him you can resist the temptation to go running back to him the minute he clicks his fingers. Otherwise you're stuck in this unsatisfactory situation forever really, aren't you.

PS PTN I know not exactly the same situation, but I have a friend who spent the best part of three years with the wrong man. he wasn't cheating on her as far as I know but he sure did mess her around, kept leaving her and going back and messing her head up pretty much the whole three years. She tried to end it with him but couldn't because she 'loved him so much'. So she basically enabled his behaviour. She hung in there and hung in there and eventually he left her and got engaged to someone else a few months later. She's now single and in her mid 30s and not happy. The point I'm trying to make is, if she'd just gone through the more acute and intense but shorter pain of ending it early on, she'd have avoided the longer, more chronic pain that she went through for the three years he messed her around and the aftermath. I know it can feel like you've lost everything if you walk away, because part of the reason you've hung in there so long is the hope you've invested in, but you're going to lose more in the long run if you don't.

Greenteanlemon

purpletoenails wrote: »

Well as you yourself admitted to breaking up a marriage, hadn't the possibilty of your husband to be having an affair already crossed your mind, regardless of whether you had happened across this thread?

I have not broken up a marriage. They were in a long term relationship. I could try and justify it by saying he was going to leave her anyway, regardless of me, but why should I? I can't run away from what I did. The difference between you and I is that I actually felt remorse. You feel inconvenienced.

But no, it has never once crossed my mind that my partner wouldn't be faithful to me, always and forever. If I had to worry about that kind of stuff, I wouldn't be marrying him.

In the unlikely situation that you end up with this women's husband, you will never ever have the same assurance. How sad.