Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Greenteanlemon

purpletoenails wrote: »

Thank you for sharing your experience, I feel mine is slightly different as it's not something I'm taking lightly, I'm not trying to entice him away from his wife. That's a decision for him to make, not me. It's not just a game I'm playing. If I didn't feel that there was a possibility of a long term relationship then I wouldn't have ended up in this situation to start with.

I appreciate that, but I am so concerned that you don't understand the impact that your actions will have on the innocent party. Please don't kid yourself. If you're hoping for a long term relationship, and you are having sex with him, you cannot possibly argue (to yourself or anyone else) that you are not trying to entice him away from him wife. That is exactly what you are doing. It just makes you feel better to say you aren't.

He is already in a long term relationship - with someone who loves him. People have committed suicide following the impact on infidelity. It breaks spirits and leaves children with relationship problems in later life.

You already know that what you are doing is awful. No excuses about how much you love his will cover that up. You are ruining another women's life for your own gratification.

Ask yourself, are you really that person? Are you a bad person? If the answer is no, you need to square up in your head why you are being so selfish.

For what it's worth, I don't think you are a bad person, or that you mean to cause harm. I just think it's much easier for you to ignore the pain you are causing because being with him makes you happy.

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

Thank you for sharing your experience, I feel mine is slightly different as it's not something I'm taking lightly, I'm not trying to entice him away from his wife. That's a decision for him to make, not me. It's not just a game I'm playing. If I didn't feel that there was a possibility of a long term relationship then I wouldn't have ended up in this situation to start with.

Not trying to justify things again PTN are we?

Of course you have feelings towards the wife - if only she would have the good grace to leave your lover, you could happily become the next Mrs Loser - but if she was to drop down dead that would be even better for you because then you'll never be known as the woman who broke up an unhappy / happy marriage eh?

But the selfish mare won't see that she's tying her husband whose playing away but is really a hero for putting his children's material needs before his own happiness.

But never mind he's always got you to mop his weary brow, even if it has to be done virtually.

Gosh what martyrs you both are.

purpletoenails

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Not trying to justify things again PTN are we?

Of course you have feelings towards the wife - if only she would have the good grace to leave your lover, you could happily become the next Mrs Loser - but if she was to drop down dead that would be even better for you because then you'll never be known as the woman who broke up an unhappy / happy marriage eh?

But the selfish mare won't see that she's tying her husband whose playing away but is really a hero for putting his children's material needs before his own happiness.

But never mind he's always got you to mop his weary brow, even if it has to be done virtually.

Gosh what martyrs you both are.

I'm sorry but your post in no way describes how I feel about his wife. and if he is staying then it's more likely to be because he's putting his children's emotional rather than material needs before his own emotional needs and happiness

nickyhutch

vickylouise87 wrote: »

Not always, but in most cases. The exceptions to this are few and far between. Yet every mistress seems to think that her situation is special.

How on earth do you know that? Where is your evidence?

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm sorry but your post in no way describes how I feel about his wife. and if he is staying then it's more likely to be because he's putting his children's emotional rather than material needs before his own emotional needs and happiness

Oh common PTN - at least have the decency to be honest with yourself about some aspect of the relationship.

She's a major spanner in the works - the stumbling block ......well it must be her otherwise you and Mr Loser would be together.

And I repeat what I've said before - Mr Loser is thinking about the £ and p in maintaining the status quo - he's not thinking about the children's emotional and material needs ....he's thinking pure and simply about his bank balance and nothing else.

So how does it feel to have your relationship thought about in the same vein as a business deal?

Lotus-eater

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm not actually destroying anyone, seeing as I don;t know his wife, have never met her, and have no feelings towards her one way or the other.

PTN's I am disgusted with your attitude tbh.

Just because you don't know someone, doesn't mean you can't destroy them, but it does mean in your case, that you don't care if you destroy someone.

Honestly I thought you were better than this. Now I see just how unfeeling you are and realise you have justified this to yourself so much, that you now believe you are totally in the right.

mountainofdebt

GettingItRight wrote: »

Drop him!!!

Chances are you are fulfilling a fantasy for him, which he does not want to change. As a man, that is my thought. Unless he hates his wife, I see you have no chance, but then again I do not know the guy involved.

Would be easier to move on I´d have thought.

Edit: Oh I only just realised how old the first post was, sorry

Don't worry she did - only when he clicked his fingers she went running right back to the loser

purpletoenails

vickylouise87 wrote: »

I appreciate that, but I am so concerned that you don't understand the impact that your actions will have on the innocent party. Please don't kid yourself. If you're hoping for a long term relationship, and you are having sex with him, you cannot possibly argue (to yourself or anyone else) that you are not trying to entice him away from him wife. That is exactly what you are doing. It just makes you feel better to say you aren't.

He is already in a long term relationship - with someone who loves him. People have committed suicide following the impact on infidelity. It breaks spirits and leaves children with relationship problems in later life.

You already know that what you are doing is awful. No excuses about how much you love his will cover that up. You are ruining another women's life for your own gratification.

Ask yourself, are you really that person? Are you a bad person? If the answer is no, you need to square up in your head why you are being so selfish.

For what it's worth, I don't think you are a bad person, or that you mean to cause harm. I just think it's much easier for you to ignore the pain you are causing because being with him makes you happy.

I removed my thanks from this post as you edited after I'd pressed the button. I don't know his wife, I've never met her, she is not a friend or even an acquaintance of mine. I am not ruining her life for my own gratification. I am NOT trying to entice him away - that is a decision for him to make not me.

purpletoenails

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Oh common PTN - at least have the decency to be honest with yourself about some aspect of the relationship.

She's a major spanner in the works - the stumbling block ......well it must be her otherwise you and Mr Loser would be together.

And I repeat what I've said before - Mr Loser is thinking about the £ and p in maintaining the status quo - he's not thinking about the children's emotional and material needs ....he's thinking pure and simply about his bank balance and nothing else.

So how does it feel to have your relationship thought about in the same vein as a business deal?

How do you know how he feels?

Lotus-eater wrote: »

PTN's I am disgusted with your attitude tbh.

Just because you don't know someone, doesn't mean you can't destroy them, but it does mean in your case, that you don't care if you destroy someone.

Honestly I thought you were better than this. Now I see just how unfeeling you are and realise you have justified this to yourself so much, that you now believe you are totally in the right.

Well I'm sorry to disappoint you. FYI I'm not at all unfeeling, and nor do I think I'm totally in the right, nor do I spend hours justifying it to myself.

jayII

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm sorry but your post in no way describes how I feel about his wife. and if he is staying then it's more likely to be because he's putting his children's emotional rather than material needs before his own emotional needs and happiness

You know how you feel about him, but as for how he feels about you? You only have his words to go on.

From everything you've posted on here, it looks as if he is using you for a bit of fun and no more. Of course he'll say he wants to be with you and so on, haven't men said all those things to their mistresses since time began!

Of the men I know who have had affairs, every one of them has promised their mistress the world and it's oyster. BUT every one who has been found out has been devastated and has begged and pleaded with his wife (note, not mistress) to forgive them and give them another chance.

Yes, some men do genuinely want to end their marriages, but many don't. Your lover is showing all the classic signs (going by what you've posted) of being a serial philanderer who is actually quite happy with his marriage but enjoys a bit on the side.

I think you're being very naive and selfish.