Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Catapa

Dear Purpletoenails, there is always the odd chance of a happy ending. His RH the Prince of Wales managed to marry his long term affair against all odds.... why not Princesstoenails?

Greenteanlemon

purpletoenails wrote: »

I removed my thanks from this post as you edited after I'd pressed the button. I don't know his wife, I've never met her, she is not a friend or even an acquaintance of mine. I am not ruining her life for my own gratification. I am NOT trying to entice him away - that is a decision for him to make not me.

Who cares if you've met her? That has no bearing on this situation whatsoever. You seem to think that because you don't know her, her feelings don't exist.

Greenteanlemon

I kinda feel like everyone is not ganging up on purpletoenails. That's not the intention. The intention is to help you make the right decision after two and a half years of wrong.

Is there any way we can help you do that?

jayII

purpletoenails wrote: »

I removed my thanks from this post as you edited after I'd pressed the button. I don't know his wife, I've never met her, she is not a friend or even an acquaintance of mine. I am not ruining her life for my own gratification. I am NOT trying to entice him away - that is a decision for him to make not me.

You're collaborating in and encouraging behaviour which could cause enormous hurt to another human being, someone who has done nothing at all to you!

Or is being married to the man you want, justification for having her life destroyed and her heart broken?

Do you think his kids will want to know him if they find out what he is up to, and see their mum in tears over it?

purpletoenails

jayII wrote: »

You know how you feel about him, but as for how he feels about you? You only have his words to go on. and he only has my word to go on

From everything you've posted on here, it looks as if he is using you for a bit of fun and no more. Of course he'll say he wants to be with you and so on, haven't men said all those things to their mistresses since time began!

Of the men I know who have had affairs, every one of them has promised their mistress the world and it's oyster. BUT every one who has been found out has been devastated and has begged and pleaded with his wife (note, not mistress) to forgive them and give them another chance. Well, he certainly hasn't made any grand promises to me, how can he, as things stand? He's not going make promises to me he can't keep

Yes, some men do genuinely want to end their marriages, but many don't. Your lover is showing all the classic signs (going by what you've posted) of being a serial philanderer who is actually quite happy with his marriage but enjoys a bit on the side. I've got no reason to think he's a serial philanderer.

I think you're being very naive and selfish.

vickylouise87 wrote: »

Who cares if you've met her? That has no bearing on this situation whatsoever. You seem to think that because you don't know her, her feelings don't exist.

actually it would make a lot of difference to me if I knew her.

Greenteanlemon

purpletoenails wrote: »

actually it would make a lot of difference to me if I knew her.

PurpleToeNails, I feel a bit like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. This is not about you, it's about her

I am sorry to say that very few people in this thread (and probably in general) are concerned about your feelings in this affair. It doesn't matter that you feel better because you don't know her. She will be equally crushed either way, and that is what you should be concerned with.

You cannot just say "well I don't know her so it's okay, she won't be devastated. And if she is, it won't affect me so it's fine."

Again, I will ask: Is there any way we can help you do the right thing in this situation? I would honest to God bend over backwards for you if there was anything I could do to help you make the right choice.

jayII

purpletoenails wrote: »

and he only has my word to go on

That's irrelevant, you are the one who is posting about your feelings on here, not him.

Well, he certainly hasn't made any grand promises to me, how can he, as things stand? He's not going make promises to me he can't keep

He's 'promised' you that he would rather be with you, and that if circumstances are right/he can find a way, then he will be.

I've got no reason to think he's a serial philanderer.

I do, from what you have said about him, he has many of the traits of one.

Do you have any reason to think he is not a serial philanderer?

As far as I'm concerned you know what you are doing and are happy to continue being selfish and callous. Enjoy your life.

gratefulforhelp_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

But not always the case.

Let's hope not.

I haven't 'inflicted' anything on her with 'my actions'

Sorry PTN that is completely untrue.

You have colluded with her husband in damaging her marriage - whether she realises why or not.

Errata

purpletoenails wrote: »

actually it would make a lot of difference to me if I knew her.

Given the lack of insight, empathy and a moral compass you've displayed on this thread I find that highly doubtful.

VestanPance

You're never going to get PTN to view things objectively while she's part of the affair.

She suggests him leaving would be for his emotional state, or what that means is she believes what he tells her. She suggest him staying would be for the kids, once again what he tells her. After two years you'd think maybe he doesn't want to leave the wife and that she isn't anything other than a bit on the side.

Unless he did leave his wife for her she'd never know, but then she leaves everything in his hands. He has full control over the situation. He doesn't so much have his cake and eat it as feasts on a mountain of cake.

Her attitude to the wife and family has always been awful, but then it would have to be to have an affair with someone in a relationship to start with. Her motives are nothing but selfish, and her fear of taking equal control over the "relationship" screams of fear of him not picking her. That would destroy all the words he'd uttered and she took to heart.