Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Emmzi

It won't be make, as it would have been long ago if he loved you that much.

You don't meet someone to break up with them. You just do it. What's the point of meeting?

neverdespairgirl

bobble_hat wrote: »

I've been in the unfortunate/fortunate (depending on your view point) position for the last 9 years or so, of having to endure their presence at family occasions as he is a long-standing friend of my BIL.

Sounds as if your BIL has dodgy mates.

POPPYOSCAR

Emmzi wrote: »

It won't be make, as it would have been long ago if he loved you that much.

You don't meet someone to break up with them. You just do it. What's the point of meeting?

Personally, I would prefer to break up with someone face to face and say goodbye.I do not like 'dumping by phone or text' I think that is callous.

My son recently finished with his girlfriend. I am pleased to say he met with her and told her. I would have not been happy with him if he had not done it that way.

Wickedkitten

Emmzi wrote: »

It won't be make, as it would have been long ago if he loved you that much.

You don't meet someone to break up with them. You just do it. What's the point of meeting?

So he can channel David Soul and start singing Don't give up on us of course.

Can't help but think that if he had really been that hurt about your deleting him off everything (which he knew how?) that he would have made the time to come see you this weekend rather than being able to put it off.

Pollycat

To all posters:
Regardless of whether you have any sympathy for this guy or not, let's remember that he has a massive decision to make over the coming week.

I think I recollect that PTN said a while ago that, even if he does decide to leave his wife, she has no intention of moving from where she is (because of her children) and it wouldn't work for him to move in with her because (I think) of his work commitments for at least a couple of years.

It's not really an enviable position for him to be in - althpough some may say that he's made his bed and should lie in it.

It was a while ago and I may have mis-remembered.

FatVonD

purpletoenails wrote: »

I was looking at some material that I have here from the training that I have done as a volunteer. Interestingly, it states that to change something usually takes between 3 and 7 attempts and there are more often than not several relapses. Of course the person has to really want to change their behaviour, but it is unrealistic and self defeating to expect to change something after just one try.

I once worked with someone who had an abusive husband and it was very frustrating for us all seeing the black eyes and encouraging her to leave only for her to stay put then I read somewhere that every time somebody tries to leave and fails they're one step closer to the time they do actually leave and not to withdraw your support.

Many years on she has actually left him and is in another relationship where she's very much in control so I do have belief that this is true.

FatVonD

purpletoenails wrote: »

I wasn't going to post this update because I know what sort of comments will follow, but for the posters that are genuinely interested, last Friday I deleted him from my phone, fb, messenger etc. He was understandably very hurt and shocked as I did it with no warning. I sent him a lengthy email with an explanation, and we spoke on the phone yesterday and have arranged to meet next week. He knows that it is make or break time, as do I.

Call me old fashioned but dear God, what is the world coming to????

Errata

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Personally, I would prefer to break up with someone face to face and say goodbye.I do not like 'dumping by phone or text' I think that is callous.

.

I think it's what immature game players do. Common enough with teenagers, not so much with middle aged women.

mountainofdebt

Pollycat wrote: »

To all posters:
Regardless of whether you have any sympathy for this guy or not, let's remember that he has a massive decision to make over the coming week.

I think I recollect that PTN said a while ago that, even if he does decide to leave his wife, she has no intention of moving from where she is (because of her children) and it wouldn't work for him to move in with her because (I think) of his work commitments for at least a couple of years.

It's not really an enviable position for him to be in - althpough some may say that he's made his bed and should lie in it.

It was a while ago and I may have mis-remembered.

Pollycat, yes you're right that PTN said she couldn't (or wouldn't read it as you will) move until her children are older. I still can't work out why, if this is the case PTN issued the initial ultimatum to Mr Loser in the irst place.

And for what its worth I have no sympathy for Mr Loser - all he is thinking of is how he minimise the damage to his bank balance whilst being able to keep two beds warm.

Lunar_Eclipse

purpletoenails wrote: »

EXTREME??!! I think your comment is a bit extreme to be honest. Either that or you've led a very sheltered life.
selfish - yes perhaps, I'm putting my own happiness above someone else's, but for me this is fairly unusual.
cowardly and delusional - I don't think I'm either of those things, sorry.[/


I did write that post in sheer frustration at the circles this is going round in, but it was an honest reflection of how I've interpreted what's going on.

I suppose it depends how you define sheltered. On the one hand, I've lived overseas in several different continents, seen a variety of different cultures and have travelled extensively. On the other, I haven't been subjected to Coronation Street drama every day either. I would say I am far from sheltered and naive, but it's all relative.

I'm not aware of anyone who's had an affair for as long as two years, but have seen shorter term deceit, very close to home, which interestingly all resulted in divorce. Thus I haven't seen such cowardly behaviour, which I think the man in this scenario is displaying. That's just my personal opinion, which I think involves extreme selfishness. If this isn't extreme, I'd like to know what would be considered so, in every day life.

And whilst I don't like the term delusional, I do think you are seeing this (naturally so) through rose tinted glasses.

I'm not trying to have a go at anyone, just stating that I do not understand the parties involved any longer. I value honesty probably above anything else as a human quality, so don't see the 'catch' of this man, for starters, and would like to see PTN moving forward and finding happiness sooner rather than later. Life's too short.