Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

Taadaa wrote: »

then I have the right to ask who the hell they think they are for forming an opinion of me and my actions. .

I agree, you have the right, and the right to judge their actions inappropriate. That's rather the point! Noone says you have to agree with each other. Apart from people who judge disagreement as a terrible thing.:D

Taadaa

I have no issue with disagreement. I do have issue with people forcing their opinions down throats, not directed at you of course.

lostinrates

Taadaa wrote: »

I have no issue with disagreement. I do have issue with people forcing their opinions down throats, not directed at you of course.

In this medium we CHOOSE to read and provide our situations/stories and viewpoints., and if we don't like it we can take our own throats out of the equation. FWIW I'[m happy to accept I can be rather dogmatic, and this is an issue over which I am. I speak from the position of having had the very real and heartfelt opportunity and sticking by my morals, though not the postion of someone who has cheated or knowingly been cheated on.

I'm not sure from the response you really understood what I was, probably poorly, trying to say.

edit: of course, the cheated on partner is exactly having other opinions ''forced down their throat'' in the situation of an affair.

nickyhutch

lostinrates wrote: »

It also shows that thing we keep talking about...low self esteem and or respect and.,....IMO, lack of emotional ''readiness'' or being in the position to make a decision out of love and choice rather than ''selfish emotianal cowardice''.

In your opinion.

He made his choice, out of love or cowardice (actually, I think leaving your wife is incredibly brave) and he's till here, 8 years on, whatever the reason was, and he's sat here rubbing my feet, getting my drinks, chatting to my/our friends online, talking about our weekend away in November, our hoildays next year, asking what time my DS is home form work, getting some supper ready for him, talking about what we're doing tomorrow and Sunday.... I think he's emotionally ready for me.

Errata

nickyhutch wrote: »

That's fair enough, and in a perfect, ideal world, being a perfect, ideal person, then yes. He's not though, and I don't think I would be either, in that situation. It's cowardly, I suppose, making sure you have someone/somewhere to go; again, though, there are worse things in the world than cowardice.

I would have thought spineless, pathetic, weak and a user, rather than cowardly. Hot bedding is not an admirable character trait.

nickyhutch

Errata wrote: »

I would have thought spineless, pathetic, weak and a user, rather than cowardly. Hot bedding is not an admirable character trait.

He's none of those.

Who's he using?

Soubrette

I think Nicky is very brave to put forward the other side of infidelity. I don't think adultery is a good thing but we are all imperfect human beings and capable of terrible things, the main problem is that most of us justify our own behaviour as ok - so divorce is terrible but my divorce was ok because he was a drunk/miser/I didn't love him any more/no children involved or whatever, your divorce is awful because he seemed like such a nice man and was devastated when you left. I'm not telling the truth because I want to save his feelings, you're just a lying bleep. And so on and so forth.

I have yet to meet someone who has no character flaws or indeed someone who does not have a part of their character that is so lovely I wish I could be half the person they were in that respect.

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

In your opinion.

He made his choice, out of love or cowardice (actually, I think leaving your wife is incredibly brave)

Leaving a bad relationship honourably to face an uncertain future can be brave.

I don't think that applies here.

nickyhutch

Person_one wrote: »

Leaving a bad relationship honourably to face an uncertain future can be brave.

I don't think that applies here.

And you're entitled to your opinion.

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

And you're entitled to your opinion.

Of course I am, that doesn't really need saying!