Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

princessdreamer

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm sorry, I didn't realise you know me personally and better than I do myself. Just because I can be empathetic, doesn't mean I always am.

I'm sure you'll be lovely when he starts dating someone else. Of course he may be faithful and pigs will grow wings.

neverdespairgirl

FatVonD wrote: »

(yes of *course* they do, just like they would have paid 2 single person supplements on their family holiday to have separate rooms and their extended family wouldn't have batted an eyelid :rotfl: )

that's not a bad point - it would have looked very odd indeed.

Wickedkitten

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm sorry, I didn't realise you know me personally and better than I do myself. Just because I can be empathetic, doesn't mean I always am.

If you think you are empathetic then that's cool, the only things that I can go on is what you have posted about your relationship from the beginning of the thread and in that that instance it doesn't look like you showed any at all.

nickyhutch

princessdreamer wrote: »

I'm sure you'll be lovely when he starts dating someone else. Of course he may be faithful and pigs will grow wings.

See now you've lost all credibility by being bitter and making out that you can see into the future.

He might, he probably wont. It's a risk I'm taking. He's taking the same (probably a bigger) risk with me. If he does, then I'll be heartbroken because I no longer have him with me. I'll miss him. BUT I wont want him any longer, because if he leaves me, he obviously doesn't want me, and I don't want someone who doesn't want me. Simplistic, I know, but it honestly is the way I see it.

I've had a quick peep at your other posts on other threads, and I can see where you're coming from now, so I understand your stance. Just to point out, though - I'm not your ex's mistress.

neverdespairgirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

Or maybe it's because they have found in another person love, affection, attention, intimacy, fun, friendship or some other quality that their marriage is lacking?

No one person can ever be perfect all the time. Every adult is sometimes tired, ill, troubled by family illness, pregnancy, or any number of other things.

In addition to that, I also strongly believe that if you expect your every want for love, affection, attention, intimacy, fun, friendship and other qualities to be met by one other person, in a relationship, you are always going to be disappointed. It's not possible.

So you either decide to make the most of, and enjoy, the relationship you are in, or end it before looking elsewhere.

neverdespairgirl

Errata wrote: »

I hadn't realised you'd set up home in their bedroom wardrobe. 'We have separate bedrooms' is the second oldest and corniest trick in the book. The first one is 'We haven't had sex since 1952'.

I though it was, "My wife doesn't understand me", which usually means, "my wife understands me far too well for my liking".

nickyhutch

Wickedkitten wrote: »

f you think you are empathetic then that's cool, the only things that I can go on is what you have posted about your relationship from the beginning of the thread in that that instance it doesn't look like showed any at all.

And I'll say again, just because I didn't act on (or maybe I shut out) my empathy in this case, doesn't mean I can't be empathetic in other situations. Yes, I put myself first. I very, very rarely do. Shoot me.

princessdreamer

Nope I've use statistical data on the likely outcome to relationships like yours. Then read your posts and encapulated your viewpoint into a simplistic response based on your viewpoints.

neverdespairgirl

nickyhutch wrote: »

If he does, then I'll be heartbroken because I no longer have him with me. I'll miss him. BUT I wont want him any longer, because if he leaves me, he obviously doesn't want me, and I don't want someone who doesn't want me. Simplistic, I know, but it honestly is the way I see it.

I feel exactly the same way. If my OH didn't love and want me any more, I wouldn't want the relationship to continue, either.

But I feel very, very strongly that the least he could do would be to tell me that first - not to start an affair, lie to me, put my sexual, emotional and mental health at risk, and make my decisions for me.

VestanPance

Nobodies perfect is the worst excuse for anything in the history of everything. There is a world of difference from perfect to knowlingly taking part in an affair.

As for those having a dig at PTN for her defense of this bloke, as stated earlier it's an emotional blindness. She's willing to accept his word due to having feelings for him. To not accept his version of events would be to question the thought of who he actually is which would destroy her mental image of him.