Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I feel exactly the same way. If my OH didn't love and want me any more, I wouldn't want the relationship to continue, either.

But I feel very, very strongly that the least he could do would be to tell me that first - not to start an affair, lie to me, put my sexual, emotional and mental health at risk, and make my decisions for me.

That's fair enough, and in a perfect, ideal world, being a perfect, ideal person, then yes. He's not though, and I don't think I would be either, in that situation. It's cowardly, I suppose, making sure you have someone/somewhere to go; again, though, there are worse things in the world than cowardice.

CH27

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I feel exactly the same way. If my OH didn't love and want me any more, I wouldn't want the relationship to continue, either.

But I feel very, very strongly that the least he could do would be to tell me that first - not to start an affair, lie to me, put my sexual, emotional and mental health at risk, and make my decisions for me.

Yep! Me too.

neverdespairgirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

As I have said before, he is a very decent man apart from the fact he is having an affair. I'm not as silly as a lot of people on here think I am, he has some really wonderful qualities, which obviously are what made me fall for him in the first place.

I think the reason so many people greet that statement with incredulity and disbelieve is that you don't appreciate, or care, about the day-to-day rotteness that having an affair involves.



Whether or not he loves you, whether or not he no longer loves her, and is staying for the children, or whatever it is, it takes a particular and monumental flaw, in my view, to treat someone in the way in which he is.

This man fell in love with this woman, they married, set up home together, had children together, shared their lives, dreams, secrets, hopes and fears.

And now, since you and he have been having this affair, that has changed utterly. He is taking the relationship in which so much has been shared and invested in, and treated his wife with an absolute and stunning lack of respect, let alone love, compassion and integrity.

He must lie to her regularly. Perhaps even many times a day.

"How was your day at work, darling?"

"Good - bit busy, lots of phone calls and emails, but I did have a nice sandwich with Dave at lunchtime".

Missing out the loving chit-chat with you, or meeting you, or whatever.

So it's not just that he's treating her with a lack of love, but an utter lack of respect and thought.

That's why, to me, the "he's great apart from having an affair" line is ridiculous.

nickyhutch

princessdreamer wrote: »

Nope I've use statistical data on the likely outcome to relationships like yours. Then read your posts and encapulated your viewpoint into a simplistic response based on your viewpoints.

There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.

I'm hoping to buck the trend. If I don't, then hey-ho. We've had a great 8 years even if he walked out tomorrow.

I think you have this image of us as him being some gorgeous Brad Pitt-alike, strutting his stuff, flirting with anything in a skirt, keeping his options open, and me being some desperate, clingy, hopeless case who begs him not to stray and doesn't let him out of the house on his own. That is so far from the truth.

neverdespairgirl

nickyhutch wrote: »

That's fair enough, and in a perfect, ideal world, being a perfect, ideal person, then yes. He's not though, and I don't think I would be either, in that situation. It's cowardly, I suppose, making sure you have someone/somewhere to go; again, though, there are worse things in the world than cowardice.

I don't think of it, though, as being a "perfect, ideal" thing. I think betraying someone you aren't in love with, but share a life and children and used to love, is far from being a minor matter or just cowardice.

nickyhutch

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I don't think of it, though, as being a "perfect, ideal" thing. I think betraying someone you aren't in love with, but share a life and children and used to love, is far from being a minor matter or just cowardice.

It's not minor - I didn't say that. It's horrid, and it's borne out of cowardice. I think it was in OH's case. He wanted out, but needed a reason to get out. It has to be a big reason, and one you're sure of. Yes, I'd say he was a coward.

Fishingtime

How many times a week do you see him?
Maybe he has other women besides you and his wife,that he sees on the days when he is not with either of you two

princessdreamer

nickyhutch wrote: »

There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.

I'm hoping to buck the trend. If I don't, then hey-ho. We've had a great 8 years even if he walked out tomorrow.

I think you have this image of us as him being some gorgeous Brad Pitt-alike, strutting his stuff, flirting with anything in a skirt, keeping his options open, and me being some desperate, clingy, hopeless case who begs him not to stray and doesn't let him out of the house on his own. That is so far from the truth.

N'ah having seen my ex brad pitt does not spring to mind and truth is very subjective one days truth is anothers days lies.

deb68_2

lostinrates wrote: »

Oh thank you. I'm grinning with all these compliments. Usually its just because I can't find words I actually wand, so find a way round...a metaphor...to say what I want to say. Its also why my posts just are too long.

Im like that now with my neuro

---

thingy
thats the word i end up using when cant remember what the word is so i say you no the thingy

my poor fam have to work out what the word is have to say much better than give us a clue game lol

nickyhutch

princessdreamer wrote: »

N'ah having seen my ex brad pitt does not spring to mind and truth is very subjective one days truth is anothers days lies.

I think you're making the mistake of thinking that every relationship in the world is like yours was, and every man in the world is like your ex is. I can understand completely where you're coming from, but you don't know me, my ex, my OH or his ex, or what our relationships were like.