Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

ma_belle wrote: »

and why her posts appear to contradict themselves on occasion :-)

I think that's simple: she's human. We are all a little self contradictory at times.

euronorris

lostinrates wrote: »

I believe that too, (and not just of PTN ). I DO believe her when she says she thinks her self esteem is ok, but I believe that she is making destructive choices for herself, seeking to justify in slightly awkward ways at times, and certainly the type of thing she is trying to see as ''enough'' suggests under the surface bubbles of lack of self respect and I think that's also evidenced by the way she is prepared to disrespect the wife and say its none of her concern...the absence of accepting responisbility for failing to resepct another is much the same as the absense of accepting she is failing to respect herself.

However, that's not to say I think she's evil...I don't. And I think this is a huge issue for MOST women in factr, maybe most people..in most sorts of relationships that are having ''issues''.

Oh absolutely. I've suffered from, and continue to suffer from low esteem at times.

Some days I can even start out feeling good about myself, liking my reflection, what i'm doing with my life etc and then something happens or someone says something horrid, and I question it all!

I don't think anyone is immune to this issue.

POPPYOSCAR

Person_one wrote: »

That's the most likely scenario.

Even if she does suspect though the point stands. He's lying to one woman he claims to love about the existence of another, how on earth can we believe he always tells the truth to the other?

Liars lie.

Whilst I agree it is the most likely scenario we do not know do we?

Has he claimed that he loves his wife?How does anyone, even the OP know if he does nor does not?

Yes he is obviously lying to someone, be it his wife, the OP or both, but we have no way of knowing which it is.

Antimony

Sorry if any of this has been addressed, as I've only just spotted this thread, and it's longer than 'War and Peace'. I suspect some (or all, lol) of my points (I've tried to bullet point) are now redundant...

You stress many times about the state of his marriage, yet in reality, you don't actually know. All marriages/relationships are unique, and no one (including everyone posting here) cannot *know* the dynamics of anyone else's relationship - and I imagine the outcome of every affair is different too.

You are the one (mostly) traveling the 200 miles to see him. How is he ''making the time''? All he has to do is make himself available, while, presumably, you are the one spending 4 hours on the motorway. If you were unable to do most of the commuting, would he..? You say it's preferable for you to travel to him as you live in a 'one horse town'...but that's just making an excuse for him - you could meet a few miles from YOUR home.

If he is allegedly not having an intimate relationship with his wife (indeed, separate rooms), then how long has this been the case..? Because if it started when your relationship began, then surely his wife would be suspicious as to why. I wonder what his kids think of him sleeping apart from their mum - kids aren't stupid.

I also find it a tad arrogant that you believe you know absolutely - because you trust him - what is going on in the marital home hundreds of miles away - yet his wife, who also presumably trusts him (and who has known him twenty years longer, sharing his life on a daily basis) is ignorant of what he does outside that marital home, and doesn't know him as well as you do.

If or when his wife does find out, she will most likely ask (if she doesn't know already) how long it's been 'going on'. How will she feel when she finds out it's 'years'?

His children are not babes in arms, they have left 'school' (I know this really shouldn't be an ''issue'', but the older they get, the more he should be making plans to leave this unhappy marriage) - as I've said, his kids would be aware that they haven't a good marriage due to the sleeping arrangements.

FBaby makes a good point (LOADS of good points on here but tried to speed read, lol), about addressing the future - you are rather giving the impression of not wanting to 'push' him, is it because you're afraid of who he will choose? Because if you 100% believed him, you'd be confident in making plans for a future together. Are you bothered? Have you actually envisaged living with him 24/7 and maybe that scares you?

My personal opinion is that his wife has a RIGHT to know (more so as the 'affair' is long term, so the consequences will be greater), as the contract of marriage he made with her has now been broken.

I'm not 100% sure he would leave. But if he wants to leave then he will, if he doesn't then he won't.

So the original purpose of this thread is just to calculate the odds..?

Re-reading through what I've written, some of it looks a tad harsh, but I don't mean to be.

Lotus-eater

euronorris wrote: »

Oh absolutely. I've suffered from, and continue to suffer from low esteem at times.

Some days I can even start out feeling good about myself, liking my reflection, what i'm doing with my life etc and then something happens or someone says something horrid, and I question it all!

I don't think anyone is immune to this issue.

Awwww, I think you're lovely :kisses3:

I think alot women are lovely, that's my problem love my OH too much to do anything with any of them, without permission, but I do struggle sometimes to be with one woman, I suspect many men do. Maybe I'm just more honest about it.

Person_one

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Whilst I agree it is the most likely scenario we do not know do we?

Has he claimed that he loves his wife?How does anyone, even the OP know if he does nor does not?

Yes he is obviously lying to someone, be it his wife, the OP or both, but we have no way of knowing which it is.

Well, yes. My point exactly.

Wickedkitten

purpletoenails wrote: »

No I'm not envious of his lifestyle, I'm quite satisfied with my own and on the whole live a happy and content life.



Because I have my own responsibilities here, I can't just up and gallivant off at the drop of a hat.



I kind of wish I hadn't mentioned it now! Honestly, anything I say is twisted and turned to fit with what everyone thinks of him, and seems to be treated with disdain or disbelief.

See, I don't think that's being twisted. You said that its someplace that he knows you would have liked to go so since he is going there on a work trip, he decided to ask you if you wanted to go.

If he really loved you and knew you wanted to go there, surely he would have taken you anyway without doing it as an afterthought on a work trip.

I agree with the people that are saying that he asked you knowing that you wouldn't have been able to go. If I go away with my OH on his work trips, he has to get HR to rebook him a room for two adults instead of one and then we pay the difference between the price of the two since he can't claim for me on his expenses obviously. Food and all that is easy enough to do two receipts for, but unless he was planning on renting you your own hotel room I can't see that working out.

ma_belle_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Now this I do not understand. Why would you continue with a relationship when you know for certain it has no future?

Because for the time being, MM is giving me what my partner isn't. We both feel as though we have met the right person at the wrong time which makes things very difficult at times, but he has never made me promises he knows he can't keep.

euronorris

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Awwww, I think you're lovely :kisses3:

I think alot women are lovely, that's my problem love my OH too much to do anything with any of them, without permission, but I do struggle sometimes to be with one woman, I suspect many men do. Maybe I'm just more honest about it.

Ahhh, thanks I'm having a good day today, as it goes. That's exercise and compliments for you though! :rotfl:

I think you're bl00dy horrid! :rotfl::rotfl:Only joking! You're lovely too.

There are plenty of lovely women and guys out there. I don't think I struggle to be with one guy as such, but I certainly notice other guys and sometimes find myself thinking 'Oh, if I was single...'. And sometimes I see them and think 'Phoarr! Oh God, no, don't look at me my hair is greasy, I haven't got any make up on and I have suitcases under my eyes! Look at that hot chick over there instead.'. :rotfl:

Mostly though, I just check out other peoples bums.

Lotus-eater

euronorris wrote: »

Ahhh, thanks I'm having a good day today, as it goes. That's exercise and compliments for you though! :rotfl:

I think you're bl00dy horrid! :rotfl::rotfl:Only joking! You're lovely too.

There are plenty of lovely women and guys out there. I don't think I struggle to be with one guy as such, but I certainly notice other guys and sometimes find myself thinking 'Oh, if I was single...'. And sometimes I see them and think 'Phoarr! Oh God, no, don't look at me my hair is greasy, I haven't got any make up on and I have suitcases under my eyes! Look at that hot chick over there instead.'. :rotfl:

Mostly though, I just check out other peoples bums.

Me too, bums and breasts Not mens bums, I don't see how anyone can find those attractive.

I don't try to impress any women I meet though, I don't want the hassle of someone looking at me in that way, at the core I am a oversexed, over domineering, manipulative git, I work hard every day to not be so much of that person, someone coming on to me in RL I can do without thankyou.