Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't claim to know everything that goes on in his family life, nor do I know that his wife doesn't have any idea what is going on.
.

but, with reference to point above....he doesn't think his wife knows because he thinks that would end his marriage?

purpletoenails

Antimony wrote: »

That's very telling statement, don't you think..?

I suppose the end result would be the same though. Either him or his wife would end the marriage because of his affair.

lostinrates

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Population is growing pretty fast. I'd say.

absolutely. Different societies have esteblished different social rules for how to cope with that in least misery and disorganisation. Marriage and civil patnerships etc have been one attempt at that.

Lotus-eater

lostinrates wrote: »

so, all he has to do is tell her and its over? Just like that? He's not worried about wrangling and a push/pull for months/years? What's he waiting for then? Seems a less impossible extraction would be possible for him.

I thought something like that as well. For someone who seems to care so much about staying with his wife and kids for the moment, he seems much too blase about it.
If it was as easy as he says and he wasn't bothered about it, as he said, then he would leave now.
End of.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I suppose the end result would be the same though. Either him or his wife would end the marriage because of his affair.

Hmm...not quite.....the result might be the same but the intent behind it could be quite different ebough to create a whole different post breakup atmosphere and hangover into your relationship...he's available to you because his wife won't keep him despite him not wanting to disrupt his family/children/whatever or he's chosen to be with you and do the best to maintain relationship with family/children whatever. Its hard to see the former as terribly romantic phase in your relationship!

purpletoenails

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Fist in mouth?

That's where you look back and go............. OHHHHHHHH MYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD !!!!!!! What was I thinking of............................. and how have I got myself in this situation and why did I hurt myself so much.

What a tit I am.

I already think I'm an idiot for letting things go as far as they did, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. It wasn't a pre-meditated effort to lure a man away from his wife. It started out as a friendship and somewhere along the line developed into more than that.

lostinrates wrote: »

so, all he has to do is tell her and its over? Just like that? He's not worried about wrangling and a push/pull for months/years? What's he waiting for then? Seems a less impossible extraction would be possible for him.

I think he meant if she 'found out' by accident, rather than him 'telling her'

CH27

PTN the more you tell us about this man the more I think he is an out & out sh*t.

Wickedkitten

lostinrates wrote: »

but, with reference to point above....he doesn't think his wife knows because he thinks that would end his marriage?

If he is telling her that it would be over if his wife knew he was seeing PTN, you can bet his wife definitely doesn't know about it.

After saying that, I do believe PTN when she says that they sleep in separate bedrooms now, especially if the wife has already tried to kick him out of the house directly before that. I doubt she was kicking him out because he didn't put his dirty pants in the hamper.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I think he meant if she 'found out' by accident, rather than him 'telling her'

but moments ago:

I suppose the end result would be the same though. Either him or his wife would end the marriage because of his affair.

PTN...I don't point pout these things don't go together to make a picture of a man being 100% straight down the line and you desperate to believe to be cruel, but just to exemplify how you say we twist against you, but I see this as you twisting against yourself. I think you are desperate to remain ''believing'' over this and its making it harder for you to see things aren't as worth it as you have believed.

justmel

purpletoenails wrote: »

Your guess is as good as mine! Could be either of those things.

You shouldn't have to be guessing though,he should be giving you straight answers,he is coming across and very evasive when you are asking him questions and i personally can't think of anything worse than being in love with someone who had me guessing about their intentions,to me that is the point where you take control and stop allowing it.

I agree that he probably doesn't truly know how his wife would react,i wonder if she was asked let's say from a hypothetical point of view if she would even know.

I mean a lot of women (and men) would react to that question by saying they would leave,end the marriage etc,i know i say that myself and i do believe 100 % i would but if i were put in that situation who knows how i would honestly react? No doubt i would be devestated but perhaps i would want to save my marriage.

The same could be applied to him,maybe he thinks if she found out it would be that excuse to leave,that it would make it easier but if it came to it he might feel realise that he doesn't want to lose her after all and beg her to let him stay.

To be honest if he really thinks your affair is worth the risk of his marriage ending i don't understand why he is bothering to keep it a secret at all or why he has stayed for so long and is still making no effort to leave and i don't believe it is for the children,assuming he is being honest those children are living in a home where their parents have seperate rooms,a bad marriage but go on long family holidays,i don't see how they are any better off for that kind of confusing set up.

It smacks of a whole lot of mind games to me and why on earth you still want to be a part of it i do not know,well the obvious answer is that you love him but he doesn't love you enough to put a stop to all of this one way or another.