Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

Wickedkitten wrote: »

. I doubt she was kicking him out because he didn't put his dirty pants in the hamper.

Its not that its the balling up of dark socks inside coloured/white pants that temporarily incenses me....for about half a second I really do feel its easier through the week when I'm alone. He apologises every time but does it again. Less often admittedly.:D In fact, tbh, he's housetrained well, and to save that moment of irrational frustrated fury I say ''put your washing in this morning some time, will you//?''

Lotus-eater

purpletoenails wrote: »

I already think I'm an idiot for letting things go as far as they did, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. It wasn't a pre-meditated effort to lure a man away from his wife. It started out as a friendship and somewhere along the line developed into more than that.

As far as they have PTN's, not past tense yet.

Do the right thing, if he wants you that much, he'll come back when he's single. But you know he won't, sorry.

Antimony

purpletoenails wrote: »

I think he meant if she 'found out' by accident, rather than him 'telling her'

Not wishing to sound offensive, but he does sound as though he wants to keep you as a 'dirty little secret'. If his wife (accidently)finding out is what it would take to push him into your arms, then he isn't worth having - as it wouldn't be his decision to be with you, it would be hers or circumstances.

You'd think, given his current home situation, he'd jump at the chance of escape.

purpletoenails

lostinrates wrote: »

but moments ago:



PTN...I don't point pout these things don't go together to make a picture of a man being 100% straight down the line and you desperate to believe to be cruel, but just to exemplify how you say we twist against you, but I see this as you twisting against yourself. I think you are desperate to remain ''believing'' over this and its making it harder for you to see things aren't as worth it as you have believed.

I asked him what she would do if she 'found out' rather than what she would do if he 'told her'. I expect there would be a difference in her reactions.

lostinrates

justmel wrote: »

To be honest if he really thinks your affair is worth the risk of his marriage ending i don't understand why he is bothering to keep it a secret at all or why he has stayed for so long and is still making no effort to leave and i don't believe it is for the children,assuming he is being honest those children are living in a home where their parents have seperate rooms,a bad marriage but go on long family holidays,i don't see how they are any better off for that kind of confusing set up.

It smacks of a whole lot of mind games to me and why on earth you still want to be a part of it i do not know,well the obvious answer is that you love him but he doesn't love you enough to put a stop to all of this one way or another.

TB F to PTN, I think he thinks its worth the risk or HE would end the affaire...its just not worth the certainty of his marriage ending, or he'd end that.

ATM the affiare is a risk to his marriage but only a percentage risk....we all take those every day....there is a risk we'll get knocked over if we jay walk, but we still do sometimes....but when we see a bus coming....like last week....we only keep walking if we want to be hit.....IMO, he doesn't want the full time relations hip enough or he'd have taken PTN's cry for more recently seriously enough to take the hit.

Errata

Wickedkitten wrote: »

If he is telling her that it would be over if his wife knew he was seeing PTN, you can bet his wife definitely doesn't know about it.

After saying that, I do believe PTN when she says that they sleep in separate bedrooms now, especially if the wife has already tried to kick him out of the house directly before that. I doubt she was kicking him out because he didn't put his dirty pants in the hamper.

I believe he may have told her they have separeate bedrooms, I don't believe it's necessarily true.
Most men who have a bit on the side, never tell them anything that might even slightly rock the boat; they tell them what they think they want to hear to keep them sweet and in their place.

Wickedkitten

lostinrates wrote: »

Its not that its the balling up of dark socks inside coloured/white pants that temporarily incenses me....for about half a second I really do feel its easier through the week when I'm alone. He apologises every time but does it again. Less often admittedly.:D In fact, tbh, he's housetrained well, and to save that moment of irrational frustrated fury I say ''put your washing in this morning some time, will you//?''

Mine used to be really bad. All of his workshirts are white so he would just put them in with a white wash, and then when it was done, he would just take his shirts out and leave the rest of it in to fester. I find it a lot easier to just do it myself.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I asked him what she would do if she 'found out' rather than what she would do if he 'told her'. I expect there would be a difference in her reactions.

PTN, this is teenager style rationalisation, if you say its the same result then stick to it, or accept that it isn't the same result if someone puts that back to you....you can only have it one way or the other ...although I accept that might not seem that case to at least your bloke.

lostinrates

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Mine used to be really bad. All of his workshirts are white so he would just put them in with a white wash, and then when it was done, he would just take his shirts out and leave the rest of it in to fester. I find it a lot easier to just do it myself.

Yeah, I introduced mine to the concept of separating washing. He was truely amazed and remains, years and years on, somewhat confused about what a light colour is compared to a dark colour.....if he does all the whites ok, and all the dark woollens ok I have no gripe grouping colours together myself....takes me moments, but him an agnst ridden 15-20 mins so I'd rather spare him the indecision. I actually like doing laundary...its easy....I just hate seeing a rogue sock appear infront of the glass door and stick its tongue out at me.

Wickedkitten

Errata wrote: »

I believe he may have told her they have separeate bedrooms, I don't believe it's necessarily true.
Most men who have a bit on the side, never tell them anything that might even slightly rock the boat; they tell them what they think they want to hear to keep them sweet and in their place.

Oh I know, I just think that there are very few things that would make someone want to rage in front of their children and kick their spouse of their house like infidelity and if he had actually cheated on his wife before but she didn't boot him in the baws then she might not actually have wanted to sleep in the same room with him. It might also explain why he would know for sure that the marriage would be over if his wife found out that he had done it again.


Obviously this is all just speculation on my part.