Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Bubby

MrsAtobe wrote: »

Whilst I'm sure that may be your friends' experiences, research suggests otherwise:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/dont-stay-together-for-the-kids-rowing-parents-told-1879980.html

ETA apologies if this comes across as rude, it isn't meant that way. I am still a work in progress!

I grew up with parents that rowed and I just saw that as a "normal" marriage, obviously neither were violent or that would be a different story. My aunt and uncle divorced ans my cousin hasn't seen her dad in years, her mum said nothing detrimental about her father and kept a happy face on for the children but at night would cry herself to sleep because he had broken her heart. Needless to say my cousin cannot forgive him for hurting her mother.

euronorris

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Thank You.

Some would argue that I should not be saying it,even about my own mother, as some hold their mother up as some kind of saint no matter what they do.

I used to think that way, until I met 2 of my friend's mothers. It wasn't until then that I realised just how loony some people's parents can be!

They are both loony in different ways, and both of them still love them, but sometimes they hate them too.

euronorris

Bubby wrote: »

I actually know far more people who have been affected by their parents divorcing than their parents rowing

Is that mainly because the majority of rowing parents eventually divorce? In most cases, the rowing would come before the divorce, so I'm sure even those who were affected by the divorce would also have been effected by the rowing too.

I also wonder how many people have rowing parents, but brush it under the carpet, so to speak, as it has become the norm for them.

lostinrates

euronorris wrote: »

I also wonder how many people have rowing parents, but brush it under the carpet, so to speak, as it has become the norm for them.

I think it was fairly normal for me. But then my mother rows with everyone...husband, friends, kids, family! I think having THAT sort of parent can leave a lasting effect whether they divorce or not....the research just can't show things like that.

fwiw, I have to admit I'm finding, as an adult, my parents separation both a relief and very hard. for a while it appeared someone else might be on the scene...and I found that very much harder: whoich I accept is my fault not theirs! If I were a child and the parents hadn't agreed to separate I think it would have been harder still.

skypie123_2

Marisco wrote: »

People deal with problems in different ways, and sometimes there are no solutions to problems, no matter how hard you try.

Did he try ending his marriage so he was free to start again?..

How they have turned out so well, is a minor miracle considering the loony tunes they have as a mother. (Not caused by the split btw, she was like that before!!)

And how on earth would you know?

I don't think anyone can condemn anyone according to their own "code of conduct", we're all different and will behave differently in any given situation.

Actually I can. I know that I would NEVER have an affair with a married man.
My own 'code of conduct' means I actually have respect for myself and marriage vows and I don't believe that applies to women or men who have affairs like that. You can dress it up how you like and tell yourself what you need to to get through but I think deep down you know that too.

jonty1970

Bubby wrote: »

So far on this thread the poor wife has become a bad wife to a bad mother:eek:

That's not unusual though. Adulterers do say things like that, to justify their appalling behaviour.

My ex sad it about me, to his new girlfriend.

They tell the next woman what they think they want to hear. Anything to get in their knickers!
(of course PTN's married man isn't at all like that )

She hated me, because we had the children to still connect us.

She went on to find out I wasn't a looney and only after his money (as he told her)

He did exactly the same to her! All the women he had were mental, according to him. He couldn't see that it was him!

nickyhutch

skypie123 wrote: »

Actually I can. I know that I would NEVER have an affair with a married man.
My own 'code of conduct' means I actually have respect for myself and marriage vows and I don't believe that applies to women or men who have affairs like that. You can dress it up how you like and tell yourself what you need to to get through but I think deep down you know that too.

I respect myself, and don't need to tell myself anything to "get through". I don't "deep down" know what you know - I believe differently - that's allowed, you know.

Marisco

Yes, I'm with nicky on this one. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and mine is obviously different to others. That only makes me wrong, in your opinion, but not wrong in mine. I'm a firm believer in "each to their own"

Bubby

Marisco wrote: »

Yes, I'm with nicky on this one. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and mine is obviously different to others. That only makes me wrong, in your opinion, but not wrong in mine. I'm a firm believer in "each to their own"

Do you really believe that it was right to have an affair??

nickyhutch

Bubby wrote: »

Do you really believe that it was right to have an affair??

Do you really believe that skypie knows how we adulterers feel "deep down"? Or that she knows we don't respect ourselves? No, that's just what she thinks we should feel like.

I don; think anyone's saying it's right to have an affair, only that people's circumstances and stories are different, and whatever another person thinks about them, it's only an opinion, not a universal truth.