Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Errata

This thread has nothing to do with moneysaving in a marriage, relationship or family, and given that it's been a discussion from the start, and is now a very lengthy one, I'm at a loss to understand why it hasn't been moved to The Arms some time ago.

Pollycat

BLUEBIE wrote: »

To be honest at this moment in time, i would probably welcome finding out that he had done it again so I could walk away.

I know what your saying Poolycat, I will try to explain:

To start with she made friends with him and to some dgree with me. They had the same days of when me and her husband was at work. They started meeting for coffee, she turned into a very good friend who my huisband enjoyed chatting too. he then started telluing him how unhappy she was at home etc. Then he was telling her how busy I was and how he wished he can more to give etc. Mush mutual ego stroking went on, etc etc. Her hubby told me they were having an affair. He promised to end it, I said ok. However Occasionally over the next couple of weeks I would lose it and accuse him of seeing her again. Until he did, I got told my a friend who had seen them together, he promised to end it. The same thing happened until we had been in this situation 6 times, the last time I found out the day we got back from Hols, had a great time etc.

He has said its def no contact and I have a couple of people who work with him keeping an eye etc. But I'm not sure I want someone who needs keeping an eye on. Even though I know he's not a serial adulterer, just stupid and weak.

I guess I don't know what I want or where I am at the moment, as the last bout was only 6 weeks ago. I guess time will tell.

This was the storey of the woamn who's hubby is so awful she had to leave but actually left her kids too and used to send me texts when thet were meeting. Soory for bad typos trying to be quick as at work.

B

Oh, Bluebie, that's so sad.

I re-read your thread and I was appalled at some of the things this woman did and actually posted so at the time on your thread.

I would hope there is no comparision whatsoever between the person who started this thread and the woman you have had to contend with.
Her behaviour (not PTN - at least so far as I know) brings shame on our sex.

I can see how your are still so confused about where your relationship is going and if you even want to to carry on going.

I hope that time will clarify things in your mind (and heart) and you'll make the right decision for you and your children.

Best wishes

victory

poet123 wrote: »

And now that you have got him do you still lead the same exciting lifestyle? and will you always?

Now that is a very good point, because once the excitment, the initial first flush of love calms then are you not left with.....a gf/wife/husband that works, has bills to pay, washing to do and cannot devote every waking moment to you?

Deja vou?

Bubby

Taadaa wrote: »

I'm not sure you have ever been in bodice-ripping-overthrows-everything-makes-your-face-ache-from-smiling love if you think that. The heart has it's reasons, and logic and control doesn't come into it.

Thats lust not love:D

victory

Bubby wrote: »

Thats lust not love:D

lust, love, over excited emotions, it is rampant:rotfl::D

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

This is what you posted in response to V and P. If you weren't saying s/he was so perfect, then what do you mean?

If only we were so perfect as what?

As perfect as he was saying we all should be.




I'm not keen on your moral standpoint and some of your posts, it isn't personal, and I thank you if I think you have posted something good.

I'm ridiculing what you posted there, I'm not ridiculing you.

Let's hope he doesn't cheat.

Your little rolling smilie ridicules what I'm saying, and, in turn, me. You think my saying he didn't love his wife is laughable. How you can judge that, I really don't know.

Of course I hope he doesn't cheat. I'm also pretty sure he wont, but it would be a pretty crap relationship if I was sat here thinking that one day he might.

j19842

I wish I could find someone to have an affair with

nickyhutch

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I think that's the point isn't it?

He did love her, then met you and loved you. Is he more likely to love someone else now that he's done it once, getting to the greener side of the road. Will it look greener somewhere else, sooner or later?

I know none of us knows, but you have to admit, the chances of it happening to you are higher than, if he had never cheated before.

I honestly don't think that way, no. We have done this already on this thread and I haven't changed my mind. I don't subscribe to the spotty leopard theory.




Tbh, I'm sort of glad you found each other and can make each other happy, because in your situation the marriage had definitely gone down the tubes anyway.
I don't think your situation can be applied to PTN's situation at all, from how I understand it. His marriage AIUI is a boring upper middle class one, his wife is most definitely not having an affair, but may well be unhappy, it doesn't sound like she's doing anything wrong, just they may not be getting along as well as they first met.

Tbh, there are so many variables that PTN's doesn't even know the truth about his home life, so for us to guess is probably a little pointless.

If he really wanted to be with PTN's like your man did, then I wouldn't think so badly of him. Sometimes these things do happen. But it's the years of PTN's being wasted that are wrong, people feel sorry for her because she is probably being taken for a ride.

No, I agree that my situation isn't the same as PTN's, but this thread is about more than PTN, now, isn't it? It's a discussion on the rights and wrongs of infidelity too. I just thought I'd share, and point out that some of us think there are shades of grey in those rights and wrongs.

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

And now that you have got him do you still lead the same exciting lifestyle? and will you always?

Not as often, but just as exciting, and with him now, so much better. I guess we wont when we're pushing 70, but you never know.

ETA - and different stuff, too. When you're single, like I was, staying in isn't all that exciting. Very different with a partner.

Aberdeenangarse

candygirl wrote: »

They didn't ask you to butt in and be a rude, obnoxious **** either:D:D;)

Calm down dear, it's only a Forum :rotfl: