Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

balletshoes

euronorris wrote: »

Oh trust me, I have! But I've still had to end a relationship like that, when it became clear that we didn't want the same things in life (kids). Broke my heart at the time, but I got over it and am now experiencing a love like that with someone who does want the same things in life as me.

But then, I also don't buy into this 'there is only one person out there for you' or 'soulmate' stuff. I believe there are many people in the world, who we can be truly happy with.

I also believe the heart and mind should work together, not separately, or with the heart (or mind) taking main control over decisions. There needs to be balance in life, otherwise, whilst you may have extreme highs, you'll also have extreme lows. Personally, I rather keep things on a more even keel.

I agree with all you said there euronorris, but especially the paragraph in bold.

Lotus-eater

nickyhutch wrote: »

I know you're not over keen on me, but there's really no need to ridicule with little rolling smilies. Whether he loved her or not he cheated on her and left her. If he cheats on me, I'll take it as an indication that he doesn't love me, so I wont want him anyway.

I think that's the point isn't it?

He did love her, then met you and loved you. Is he more likely to love someone else now that he's done it once, getting to the greener side of the road. Will it look greener somewhere else, sooner or later?

I know none of us knows, but you have to admit, the chances of it happening to you are higher than, if he had never cheated before.

Tbh, I'm sort of glad you found each other and can make each other happy, because in your situation the marriage had definitely gone down the tubes anyway.
I don't think your situation can be applied to PTN's situation at all, from how I understand it. His marriage AIUI is a boring upper middle class one, his wife is most definitely not having an affair, but may well be unhappy, it doesn't sound like she's doing anything wrong, just they may not be getting along as well as they first met.

Tbh, there are so many variables that PTN's doesn't even know the truth about his home life, so for us to guess is probably a little pointless.

If he really wanted to be with PTN's like your man did, then I wouldn't think so badly of him. Sometimes these things do happen. But it's the years of PTN's being wasted that are wrong, people feel sorry for her because she is probably being taken for a ride.

BLUEBIE

Pollycat wrote: »

I suggested this after reading a really sad thread recently started by someone who posted once on this thread.

This lady said how upset the threads about affairs were making her feel.

It's all well and good to tell her not to read them but I think it's probably some sort of compulsion, like picking at a scab.

It is very much like compulsion to read this thread although also very upsetting.

I posted a while ago about my husband having an affair with someone else. He told me he would stop it numerous times. She always tried to make conatct with him again, he worked with her and said it was as if she was always nit picking at him, texting etc whilst he was trying to go cold turkey.

They have no contact now, which I believe as his boss phoned me and said he would keep an eye on things and let me know if they were together in work time. He didn't phone for me, I was prepared to move on, he phoned for my husband who does love his wife and family and doesn't want to lose us. But unfortunately for him he also suffers low self esteem, so having someone there to rub his ego whilst I was busy doing my degree / working / kids, made him feel better.

Don't get me worng I'm not putting all the blame on the OW but she went fater him with the intention of him leaving his wife and kids, she's told everyone that. But I think she's starting to realise he will never leave me. There is just no way. I have told him to go, he won't, I have made solicitor appts, he just crys and begs me to stay, tells me all sorts about how she throws herself at him.

I hate reading this thread but just can't stop myself and from THE wifes point of view, if he is anything like my husband, I'm telling you now there really is NO WAY he is ever going to leave, for christ sake I kind of wish mine would now, if only so he can see how awful it would be. But it ain't gonna happen!!

There is a thread explaining it all somewhere.

Pollycat

I remember your thread, Bluebie.

I'm not sure from your post on here if you want your OH to stay or not.

You say they don't have contact anymore (well done that boss for intervening) but also refer to her in the present tense as

starting to realise he will never leave me

tells me all sorts about how she throws herself at him.

Why do you keep telling your OH to leave and making solicitor's appointments?

If you OH suffers from low esteem, isn't doing that going to screw him up even more? (regardless of how much he deserves it)

neverdespairgirl

lostinrates wrote: »

I like little woman. Dh calls me that sometimes. I don't find it offensive in the least, and I don't think he means it offrensively either.

OH occasionally calls me "'er indoors", usually when I've been out (-:

candygirl

Mine calls me"the Missus" and we're not even married!!!I can him all sorts depending on TOM;):D

victory

candygirl wrote: »

I can him all sorts depending on TOM;):D

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

BLUEBIE

Pollycat wrote: »

I remember your thread, Bluebie.

I'm not sure from your post on here if you want your OH to stay or not.

You say they don't have contact anymore (well done that boss for intervening) but also refer to her in the present tense as


Why do you keep telling your OH to leave and making solicitor's appointments?

If you OH suffers from low esteem, isn't doing that going to screw him up even more? (regardless of how much he deserves it)

To be honest at this moment in time, i would probably welcome finding out that he had done it again so I could walk away.

I know what your saying Poolycat, I will try to explain:

To start with she made friends with him and to some dgree with me. They had the same days of when me and her husband was at work. They started meeting for coffee, she turned into a very good friend who my huisband enjoyed chatting too. he then started telluing him how unhappy she was at home etc. Then he was telling her how busy I was and how he wished he can more to give etc. Mush mutual ego stroking went on, etc etc. Her hubby told me they were having an affair. He promised to end it, I said ok. However Occasionally over the next couple of weeks I would lose it and accuse him of seeing her again. Until he did, I got told my a friend who had seen them together, he promised to end it. The same thing happened until we had been in this situation 6 times, the last time I found out the day we got back from Hols, had a great time etc.

He has said its def no contact and I have a couple of people who work with him keeping an eye etc. But I'm not sure I want someone who needs keeping an eye on. Even though I know he's not a serial adulterer, just stupid and weak.

I guess I don't know what I want or where I am at the moment, as the last bout was only 6 weeks ago. I guess time will tell.

This was the storey of the woamn who's hubby is so awful she had to leave but actually left her kids too and used to send me texts when thet were meeting. Soory for bad typos trying to be quick as at work.

B

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

No, to be honest. I accepted that he was still in a relationship, whatever the state of it, with his wife and sex was a part of it. I didn't ask, he didn't say. I wont say I didn't care, but it wasn't of massive concern to me. He loved me, but wasn't committed to me.

During the first few months, I was still living the "single life" too; like I said, I'm very broadminded and as we couldn't have been said to be committed to each other, I couldn't/wouldn't expect him to not sleep with his wife, but he couldn't/wouldn't expect me not to be getting on with my life while I waited for him.

As it turned out, it was this last bit that got him moving - he would be round seeing me on a Friday, talking about what I'd be doing over the weekend, and it was my "exciting" (his words) life that he wanted part of, and wanted to be with me for, that, I think, got him to make that difficult decision (and the fact that he finally worked out that his wife was also being unfaithful, so there was no reason to feel guilty any more).

And now that you have got him do you still lead the same exciting lifestyle? and will you always?

gratefulforhelp_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

If ony we were all so perfect, life would be oh-so-happy.

This is what you posted in response to V and P. If you weren't saying s/he was so perfect, then what do you mean?

If only we were so perfect as what?

nickyhutch wrote: »

I know you're not over keen on me, but there's really no need to ridicule with little rolling smilies. Whether he loved her or not he cheated on her and left her. If he cheats on me, I'll take it as an indication that he doesn't love me, so I wont want him anyway.

I'm not keen on your moral standpoint and some of your posts, it isn't personal, and I thank you if I think you have posted something good.

I'm ridiculing what you posted there, I'm not ridiculing you.

Let's hope he doesn't cheat.