Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

candygirl

snowmaid wrote: »

I could have had an affair not too long ago.... thought about doing so...:o

Going through a not too rosy patch in my marriage....OH not really paying attention/being romantic....along comes another guy who is pushing all the right buttons....being attentive.... who knows what would have happened if we had gone for 'coffee' etc....but the chemistry was there. I think the only thing that stopped me was the fact that I do love my OH, that I was scared of catching something :eek: and the fact I would have had to remove my clothing!! :rotfl::rotfl::eek:

That said, at this stage of my life if my OH had to have an affair it would be the end of our relationship.

I just love your posts:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

Putting aside the situation I am in, I would still argue that things are not always as black and white as they seem.

As you are probably aware I agree with you, and I have not had/intend to have an affair, so I have no need to try to justify that particular type of behaviour.

POPPYOSCAR

snowmaid wrote: »

I could have had an affair not too long ago.... thought about doing so...:o

Going through a not too rosy patch in my marriage....OH not really paying attention/being romantic....along comes another guy who is pushing all the right buttons....being attentive.... who knows what would have happened if we had gone for 'coffee' etc....but the chemistry was there. I think the only thing that stopped me was the fact that I do love my OH, that I was scared of catching something :eek: and the fact I would have had to remove my clothing!! :rotfl::rotfl::eek:

That said, at this stage of my life if my OH had to have an affair it would be the end of our relationship.

:)Yes that in itself would be enough to dissuade me!!!

purpletoenails

lostinrates wrote: »

in what resepct did you wobble?

Have you thought anymore about my suggestion of going out some more, especially to places you might not normally go or related to interests you would like to develop? Do you have a good group of girlfriends to go out with? (incidentally what do your friends feel about the arrnagment as it stands?)

Just had a massive 'OH MY GOD WHAT AM I DOING' 'OMG WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?' flapping about like a headless chicken moment.

Yes I have thought about your suggestion and have been looking at some short courses run by our local WEA. I have a lovely small group of girlfriends and quite a few acquaintances, we are all off out tomorrow night so I'm looking forward to that :j
Only 2 of my friends (1 male, 1 female) plus my sister know the full details, 2 others know about him but not how far its progressed.
Those that know are surprisingly (or you may think unsurprisingly) supportive but have said at various times I should perhaps not close off any other options that come my way, in case this doesn't work out.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I should perhaps not close off any other options that come my way, in case this doesn't work out.

and, in the last two years have you met and rejected or been in a postion to meet other options?

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

Just had a massive 'OH MY GOD WHAT AM I DOING' 'OMG WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?' flapping about like a headless chicken moment.

Yes I have thought about your suggestion and have been looking at some short courses run by our local WEA. I have a lovely small group of girlfriends and quite a few acquaintances, we are all off out tomorrow night so I'm looking forward to that :j
Only 2 of my friends (1 male, 1 female) plus my sister know the full details, 2 others know about him but not how far its progressed.
Those that know are surprisingly (or you may think unsurprisingly) supportive but have said at various times I should perhaps not close off any other options that come my way, in case this doesn't work out.

Just out of interest, have they ever said to you that they think you should stop seeing him?

purpletoenails

lostinrates wrote: »

and, in the last two years have you met and rejected or been in a postion to meet other options?

It's quite possible, but I have blinkers on when I love someone, so it's unlikely I'd notice if anyone was making a move on me anyway.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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Just out of interest, have they ever said to you that they think you should stop seeing him?

Only once, when something happened that upset me (can't even remember what now) and my sister told me to tell him to 'get stuffed'

Wickedkitten

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'm not a morning (or breakfast) person.

I'm utterly not a morning person either, the most I can manage before lunch is a cup of coffee.

ever_the_optimist_2

Hi purpletoenails

First of all, big hugs for the emotional rollercoaster you are on. My opinion on affairs, is that it is the person who took the vows that is doing wrong, and (apart from the example of the woman on the Apprentice!) usually they are the ones that have instigated the affair in the first place.

In my experience, if he can do it WITH you, he can do it TO you - something a lot of posters have alluded to. If he has it in him to be unfaithful, why would it be any different when you are his wife?

I learned this the hard way - I had an affair with my boss, albeit very briefly before he left his wife, but he was still married when we started out. 5 years later, when we were married, I no longer worked for him and was at home with our first child and pregnant with our second, he had an affair with another employee and left me for her. He did it WITH me then he did it TO me ! I couldn't go around blaming her for it because I had been just as bad when I got together with him (although he didn't have any children with his first wife), so I just had to grin and bear it and realise that I had got what I deserved.

It's not nice when it comes back to bite you .. I have also struggled over the years trying to hide the details of the dubious start of our relationship - I have always been ashamed to admit he was married when I met him.

For every story like this you will hear one of someone who took the leap out of one marriage into another and has lived happily ever after, so my only advice is trust your instincts... I believe every girl deserves a man who has-to-be-with-them-right-now-no-matter-what ... no element of indecisiveness is ever good enough

I hope it all works out

ETO xx

Morglin

People have affairs for many reasons, and marriages are not always what they seem to ousiders.

"Behind closed doors", and all that.............;)

I have known affairs to move on, for the couple to get together permanently and for their relationship to flourish for many years.

Others have fallen apart and both parties regretted leaving their previous partners.

Every case is different - but, it's pointless blaming 'the other person', as a 'mistress' owes a wife nothing, and a male lover owes a husband nothing.

No one has ever been dragged kicking and screaming away from their spouse, and let's face it, if there was a happy home life, no one would bother looking elsewhere, would they?

Lin