Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gratefulforhelp_2

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

he told me this morning that men are biologically programmed to "put it about" if they can, and it's a primal instinct thing.

If he took that to its logical conclusion, he would wallop every person who ever looked at him funny in case they attacked him.

It's not a valid excuse in a "civilised" community.

jw1096 wrote: »

So, no Moral/Behaviour on this earth is simple black and white, and its not for any of us to say that there is no excuse to adultery.

Sorry, but I disagree. In our community laws and structures reflect our (sadly fast diminishing) view that adultery is wrong.

By adultery I mean sex with someone other than your spouse, if you have one. A person who is unmarried cannot, IMHO, commit adultery.

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Married women have affairs for different reasons I think, it's more often to get attention and love, rather than just the sex, which is a large part for the men.

LOL 'cos women don't like sex, do we?:p

VestanPance

jw1096 wrote: »

But to us, the very thing that makes it 'cheating' is the emotional or sexual connection to another person outside of the pair - not whether it is or is not known about. That is almost beside the point, cheating is still cheating if the person doing it doesn't get caught. Besides, the point I was making was that those kind of relationships don't fit in with how 2011 UK views a relationship - polygamy is 'wrong' to us.

You clearly don't understand the concept of cheating, as that is not cheating.

It may be a lifestyle that is uncommon in the UK, but as long as all involved have an agreement on the relationship type then it doesn't constitute cheating.

You're confusing that act of sex with cheating. I wouldn't even say you need to go that far to cheat. For me sending sexy e-mails or texts would be cheating as it breaks a trust.

FatVonD

Errata wrote: »

But love changes over time - calms down, if you like. It becomes deeper and more meaningful. There is one other that is always on your side, utterly reliable, honest, trustworthy. Someone who would walk 500 miles and then 500 miles again.
People who expect continual roses and moonlight and butterflies will always be disappointed. The coming through the door moment can be a reason to think 'thank goodness I'm here and you're here' instead of a 'phwoar' moment.

You're absolutely right. A workmate received flowers from her partner yesterday which was lovely and very sweet (they're very young.) About 10 minutes before DH sent me a text saying 'cat sick and hair everywhere never seen anything like it what do you want for dinner' (all in one sentence.) I laughed at the contrast but this is the man who rings me at work if the trains are up the spout to tell me to leave early and put a packet of crisps (my weakness) on the back seat of his cab because we were going to his ex's on Wednesday and he knew we weren't going to be eating until late and I wouldn't swap him for the world.

Emmzi

jw1096 wrote: »

But to us, the very thing that makes it 'cheating' is the emotional or sexual connection to another person outside of the pair - not whether it is or is not known about. That is almost beside the point, cheating is still cheating if the person doing it doesn't get caught. Besides, the point I was making was that those kind of relationships don't fit in with how 2011 UK views a relationship - polygamy is 'wrong' to us.

More common than you would think. Wrong to "you" maybe. Significant minority are fine with it. But, it isn't "cheating" - it's discussed and agreed and open.

jonty1970

It's still wrong to cheat, but I wouldn't fall out with a friend, if they were cheating.
It's not my place to judge them.

PTN is being messed about as much as the wife.

I hope you do end it and get someone decent.

I wouldn't ever be the other woman. I couldn't be with a man who deceives his wife and family. I'm worth more than that!
How can you respect a liar?

I could never take a man back who cheated. I know friends who have and they can never trust them again.

Lotus-eater

jw1096 wrote: »

But to us, the very thing that makes it 'cheating' is the emotional or sexual connection to another person outside of the pair - not whether it is or is not known about. That is almost beside the point, cheating is still cheating if the person doing it doesn't get caught. Besides, the point I was making was that those kind of relationships don't fit in with how 2011 UK views a relationship - polygamy is 'wrong' to us.

Eh?
You are a very confused person. Polygamy may be right or wrong for people in the UK, but it's still got nothing to do with cheating.

You can't cheat if your partner knows about it, that's the English language for you.

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

LOL 'cos women don't like sex, do we?:p

I knew someone would say something like that, that's why I put all the "usually(s)"in there And I didn't say that anyway, so stop putting words in my mouth

To answer your question.
They can like sex, but often have to be forced into having a good time. I find a few metres of rope usually does the trick :rotfl:

edit, OK just read that and it sounds a bit dodgy, so let me say that if I did do that, obviously it would be with both persons consent. Phew, I think I got out of that one

Wickedkitten

jw1096 wrote: »

Without being rude - you have to remember that all behaviour is human, and just because some of it is wrong when looked at against your moral code, its not the same for others; therefore, this is your opinion - not a truth.

Im not condoning PTN at all, im just saying that there is such a thing as the various shades of grey. It's wrong to cheat? Well, what about polygamous communities? They feel its right. What about whether god exists? Religious organisations insist on the belief, when others think its a ridiculous idea. What about abortion? And it's illegal to kill someone right? Actually, in my world, its not always the case. As a specific culture in a specific time and place there will always be a common set of values, its what holds societies together. It forms the loose basis of the law and justice in that society. But that set of values will never be identical to everyone in that society, and they will change over time. the values and ideals of our great great grandparents are different to those we have today. Its not that they were wrong, and neither are we.

So, no Moral/Behaviour on this earth is simple black and white, and its not for any of us to say that there is no excuse to adultery.

JO

The problem when you bring up polygamy is that everyone in those situations know they aren't the only person that the other person is sleeping with so it's not cheating.

MrsE_2

Errata wrote: »

But love changes over time - calms down, if you like. It becomes deeper and more meaningful. There is one other that is always on your side, utterly reliable, honest, trustworthy. Someone who would walk 500 miles and then 500 miles again.
People who expect continual roses and moonlight and butterflies will always be disappointed. The coming through the door moment can be a reason to think 'thank goodness I'm here and you're here' instead of a 'phwoar' moment.

I love that.

gratefulforhelp_2

jonty1970 wrote: »

It's still wrong to cheat, but I wouldn't fall out with a friend, if they were cheating.
It's not my place to judge them.

I agree, but maybe it is your place to [STRIKE]judge[/STRIKE] alert them to the seriousness of their actions, and the potential negative consequences.

A friend of mine had an affair with a married woman with a young baby (don't know how she found the energy!) and she doubtless loathed me because every time I spoke to him, he got a 10 minute strongly worded earbashing about it.

He rationalised it to himself as he was on the rebound from his wife cruelly cuckolding him...but he ended it and is now happily married with two kids and a wife who was free when they met.

eta though his first commitment appears to be to his i phone, which has me wondering uneasily...

Lotus-eater

FatVonD wrote: »

DH sent me a text saying 'cat sick and hair everywhere never seen anything like it what do you want for dinner' (all in one sentence.) I laughed at the contrast but this is the man who rings me at work if the trains are up the spout to tell me to leave early and put a packet of crisps (my weakness) on the back seat of his cab because we were going to his ex's on Wednesday and he knew we weren't going to be eating until late and I wouldn't swap him for the world.

Your life is so glamorous and exciting :rotfl: