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Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

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Comments

  • He's abusing her emotionally if he's having an affair. If she suspects he's is conducting an affair she should confront him about it.
    She sounds weak. She's willing to let someone treat her like an after thought and not address the situation through fear. Doesn't sound like a marriage based on equality or togetherness.

    It must be horrible to view yourself so badly to allow that to happen.

    Surely thats for her to decide? It takes all sorts, and if she's generally happy to let things continue as they are, then that's her prerogative. Again you are making judgements on peoples characters based on a very small amount of knowledge of the situation.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,827 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    You have a vested interest in this being true, because you'd like it to be the case in terms of your own affair, so you can hardly be objective here.

    I don't have a vested interest in it being true and I have the same opinion as PTN.
    Also, you have judged this bloke you're seeing as a "good person" when you only get together with him every few weeks and do not partake in any aspect of his day-to-day life (i.e. seeing his family and friends, living with him, knowing his children). You know as much about this man and his life as we do about you on this forum, so it's hypocritical to make such a statement.

    It's total rubbish for you to say that PTN knows this man only as well as we know her from what has been written on this thread.
  • You have a vested interest in this being true, because you'd like it to be the case in terms of your own affair, so you can hardly be objective here.

    Also, you have judged this bloke you're seeing as a "good person" when you only get together with him every few weeks and do not partake in any aspect of his day-to-day life (i.e. seeing his family and friends, living with him, knowing his children). You know as much about this man and his life as we do about you on this forum, so it's hypocritical to make such a statement.

    I have no vested interest whatsoever in this womans relationship with her husband. i am just saying that if this is how she chooses to live her life, than that is her choice to do so.
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,902 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    No, you want to believe that wives can be all fine and dandy with their husbands' affairs because it alleviates any guilt on your part.



    I do not recall saying that my friend was fine and dandy with her OH having an affair, I said that she chose to deny it to herself as that was the easier option for her.
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,902 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I have no vested interest whatsoever in this womans relationship with her husband. i am just saying that if this is how she chooses to live her life, than that is her choice to do so.



    And you have every right to post your opinion just like everyone else.
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,902 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    No one said she didn't have that "right", just that her opinion is wrong.


    In your opinion her opinion is wrong.

    In my opinion your opinion is wrong.
  • MissMitch
    MissMitch Posts: 138 Forumite
    edited 5 September 2011 at 5:26PM
    This has been answered well by radiography, your first para ignores the fact that our collective morality is built into and demonstrated by, our legal syastem.

    Except it's a very fickle concept with inevitable 'grey areas' (i.e. killing is bad, unless it's justified by the state in War or Capital Punishment, stealing is bad, unless it's justifiable by extreme poverty, war etc. cheating is bad apart from in several cultures where it's tolerated if not expected i.e. in Japan it's more or less culturally accepted).

    Also infidelity is not recognised by the legal system other than for grounds for divorce is in no way on the same 'moral' scale as murder. :eek:

    I don't want to argue this back and forth, but I think it's very sad that people climb on the morally high horse and write people off as 'bad', weak or morally deficient because they haven't managed to decently extricate themselves from a marriage which is obviously no longer working for them before embarking on an affair. Yes, in an ideal world they would act better, but it's far from an ideal world...however I think it's actually pretty damn scary when we start judging them as inherently bad people without even having any idea as to what or why they have found themselves in that situation.

    I'm not defending infidelity here, I think it's an unfortunate situation because more often then not everyone involved suffers to some degree, some more than others depending on circumstances and character. But the reality is it happens, increasingly so, and will continue to do so, and to try and ignore this by hiding behind moral arguments is utterly futile!

    I'd be much more in favour of something proactive along the lines of instilling strong self-confidence and healthy problem solving skills in school kids...and even financial skills so they could have a better chance of making a marriage work or wouldn't find themselves up the creak without a paddle when and if a marriage breaks down.

    I'll say no more on this now as it's going off on a tangent, but I think PTN has shown herself to be a lovely person through this thread and I wish her lots of happiness for the future whatever lies ahead!
    Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. - C.S. Lewis
  • Why is it rubbish? He's just a man she sees on occasion who separates his real life entirely from her.

    Please don't take this the wrong way, and it's not meant to be patronising in any way, but I have a son your age and I have to say that it is quite expected to be idealistic and see everything in black and white when you are barely a quarter of the way through your life. Unless you're intending to lead a very sheltered existence, as you get older and experience more things you may become more tolerant and empathetic towards people and situations that you currently find abhorrent.
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,902 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Good post MissMitch.

    Surprisingly enough in France it is culturally accepted ,I understand, for men to have a mistress - and in a mainly Catholic country as well!!!!!
  • nickyhutch
    nickyhutch Posts: 7,596 Forumite
    It's not a "sweeping generalisation" to say that an affair tells you something about that person's character. Our thoughts, feelings and actions do indicate things about our characters, good or bad.

    Some people would say that a person who has an affair is is unhappy - that's something about the person's character that they have gleaned from the action of an affair, and it doesn't cast any moral judgement on the person.

    You are very defensive for someone who is so sure their behaviour is acceptable.

    My "behaviour" IS acceptable - to me. I wouldn't for a minute presume to believe that it's acceptable to everybody.
    ******** Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity *******
    "Always be calm and polite, and have the materials to make a bomb"
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