We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum... Read More »
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
Can an affair ever have a happy ending?
Comments
-
lostinrates wrote: »This is possible. But tough on the OTHer woman if he strings her along. The original question asked was if affairs can have a happy ending, and I still wonde rif they really can for all parties in the short/medium term. I haven't been convinced otherwise and feel that all the adults are at risk of being hurt and in certain cases, families (though accept some children didn't turn a hair or feel resentment and even relief) and wider friends and families are also at risk of some amount of unhappiness in the majority of cases.
Undoubtedly.0 -
POPPYOSCAR wrote: »But the affairs might be keeping the marriage going.
The point I am trying to make is that had he gone to her and said I feel like I want to have an affair because of xyz and xyz could not be fixed and they had split, she would be devastated.
Perhaps the affairs are satisfying a need for him and sustaining their marriage. Not the way I would even contemplate to live my life but we are all different.
Load of cobblers. That's not a marriage. That's just sustaining a way of living. Nice house, car, holiday etc.
Address the need within the marriage. The marriage is a lie if one is constantly deceiving the other in such a manner. If the issue can't be resolved then split-up. There is no moral justification for having an affair.
People should work at their marriages and in what seems like many cases actually think about the commitment to the person they plan to wed before making that decision.0 -
VestanPance wrote: »Load of cobblers. That's not a marriage. That's just sustaining a way of living. Nice house, car, holiday etc.
Address the need within the marriage. The marriage is a lie if one is constantly deceiving the other in such a manner. If the issue can't be resolved then split-up. There is no moral justification for having an affair.
People should work at their marriages and in what seems like many cases actually think about the commitment to the person they plan to wed before making that decision.
No it has nothing to do with her way of living. She does not even have her own car etc. It is the type of person she is. She needs him emotionally not financially.
Marriage is different things to different people.Who are you to say they should split up!0 -
VestanPance wrote: »There is no moral justification for having an affair.
.
there are rarely absolutes. e.g. If I became very ill long term, lost my marbles or totally inable to do anything (not so remote a chance for me as it sounds on paper) I'd want dh to stay married to me and oversee my care. I'd also really want him to find someone to support him, love him and to share life with as a couple. I think it would benefit him and I hope the ''other woman'' could suffer my existance as a concern for him with understanding and love for him.0 -
POPPYOSCAR wrote: »No it has nothing to do with her way of living. She does not even have her own car etc. It is the type of person she is. She needs him emotionally not financially.
Marriage is different things to different people.Who are you to say they should split up!0 -
lostinrates wrote: »there are rarely absolutes. e.g. If I became very ill long term, lost my marbles or totally inable to do anything (not so remote a chance for me as it sounds on paper) I'd want dh to stay married to me and oversee my care. I'd also really want him to find someone to support him, love him and to share life with as a couple. I think it would benefit him and I hope the ''other woman'' could suffer my existance as a concern for him with understanding and love for him.
I think that is really lovely of you and shows just how much you care about and truly love him.0 -
VestanPance wrote: »He's abusing her emotionally if he's having an affair. If she suspects he's is conducting an affair she should confront him about it.
She does not want to confront him for fear of losing him so is happy to deny it to herself so that she can continue in her marriage.
I, could not live like that, but I have known her for so many years and have come to understand her and know for her she thinks she is doing the right thing.
1. She is reasonably happy as she is as she still has him.
2. She confronts him, he leaves possibly, and she then has to live her life without him and will be devastated.
She is choosing the lesser of two evils.0 -
VestanPance wrote: »Run away, run away (with anothers husband)!
Isn't that your mantra?
*sigh* No, it isn't.
What's yours? "Tar them all with my ex's brush, all of them?"******** Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity *******"Always be calm and polite, and have the materials to make a bomb"0 -
radiography wrote: »"In sickness and in health" has lost its meaning nowadays then? I would care for my partner if he was in ill health and wouldn't expect the right to cheat on him.
If someone wants more, they can leave and let the family care for the partner. Not have their cake - being respected as "loving wife caring for husband" - and eat it in the form of sleeping with a different bloke.
But that's rather the point....that there is no absolute, what is absolutely right for me is not for you. DH and I have talked about this at great length because it is a risk for us. There is noone, including my parents, who I want handling my health other than him. Its part of the reason we married when we did instead of wait a year for when it was planned. He WOULD be there for me in sickness, and for him the discussion about moving on in that situation is very much more difficult than for me..he gets rather distressed about it. For me I see that I'd want him to have support and love in his life when I'm no longer able to give it to him. I probably wouldn't be aware, but if I were, the idea of him spending what was left of his life alone for ''our marriage'' with a woman unable to appreciate or respond is dreadful, not to be contemplated, and I wanted him very much to know that while I can say it because I'd want him to take oppertunity available to him at that point with no conflict or guilt.
edit: obviously, I don;'t mean if I break aleg or catch flu or something!0 -
POPPYOSCAR wrote: »I think that is really lovely of you and shows just how much you care about and truly love him.
well, maybe. But if he pines away to nothing, who'll take care of me and feed the cats?0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 351.4K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.3K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 453.8K Spending & Discounts
- 244.4K Work, Benefits & Business
- 599.6K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.1K Life & Family
- 257.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards