Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

MissMitch wrote: »

We also are only able to interpret others actions, motivations and behaviours from our own experience and frame of reference, and there's an awful lot of that going on in this thread...not meaning you lir, but some posters are bordering on nasty without even questioning their own behaviour, and PTN's responses have remained measured throughout.

I agree posters have been iunpleasant....for waht its worth I think some arguing ''the case of the mistress'' have also shown less charming sides of their personalities. I also agree, and have said serveal times, I'm gernerally impressed by PTN's behaviour here.

We are all flawed, each and every one of us. And I'm not sure I'd even want to be perfect. And most of us are hypocritical IMO....some of us aren't brave or perhaps strong enough to consider ourselves so critically as others do.

Bogof_Babe

catkins wrote: »

I should hope after only 9 years together you are still happy - wonder if your ex's are so happy? Come back in another 10 or 20 years and let us know if you are still so happy (if you are even still together).

I have been married over 30 years and we are both very much in love. Always cuddling, holding hands etc. Maybe more importantly than being very much in love, we are also best friends and like and RESPECT the other one

Don't rest on your laurels. I'd have said the same about our 36 year marriage, until he decided to go walkabouts with some predatory tart at work who made a play for him.

If anyone is interested and remembers my post way back in this thread, it looks like she's finally managed to split us up. Ironic that she's the same age as PTN. My OH is yonks older than blokey though and really should have known better, but such is life.

gratefulforhelp_2

peachyprice wrote: »

If we go there to walk the dog in the evening we get followed into the woods too, hate to think where they think the dog comes into it. :eek:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

purpletoenails wrote: »

Yes I agree, but what I am saying is you can't define someones entire character on one aspect of their behaviour, or because of one incident that people may disapprove of.

edited to add, no I haven't been with him and his family, but I've seen enough of him, and talked to him enough to make more than just a snap decision about what he is like. He certainly isn't perfect, and nor am I, but then who is?

Agree with the bolded bit, someone's behaviour may be deceitful et.c, but that doesn't mean the person is only capable of behaving that way.

purpletoenails wrote: »

catkins it is wonderful that your relationship is like this, and I'm sure everyone would aspire to be so happy together after so many years. Sadly not everyone is so lucky, people change, circumstances change and invariably not all marriages will survive.

I think this is the problem some of us have with sharing your view of this man (of course we haven't met him and can only go on your description).

He has changed to the point where he has abandoned his marriage vows, and where he is behaving badly to people close to him.

gratefulforhelp_2

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Don't rest on your laurels. I'd have said the same about our 36 year marriage, until he decided to go walkabouts with some predatory tart at work who made a play for him.

If anyone is interested and remembers my post way back in this thread, it looks like she's finally managed to split us up. Ironic that she's the same age as PTN. My OH is yonks older than blokey though and really should have known better, but such is life.

So sorry to hear that.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

Yes I agree, but what I am saying is you can't define someones entire character on one aspect of their behaviour, or because of one incident that people may disapprove of.

We do this every day.,...an MSE example might be Fred the Shred the banker who takes a slating in press and on this forum has become a shorthand for disgusting behaviour...for all I know he's allso the biggest giver to charity in his sector..but as far as we are all concerned he is shorthand for pre bust and bust banker selfishness.

Its how things get done..whether its job interviews or speed dating or buying a house or whatever...we make a decision to a greater or lesser degree on a narrow field of information available to us. Stereotypes are the same, and yes...they are flawed. I'm sure a man who has captivated you is a multidimensional person....but tbh, while I'd love to meet you, go for a drink and chat....him....atm not so much.

FatVonD

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Don't rest on your laurels. I'd have said the same about our 36 year marriage, until he decided to go walkabouts with some predatory tart at work who made a play for him.

If anyone is interested and remembers my post way back in this thread, it looks like she's finally managed to split us up. Ironic that she's the same age as PTN. My OH is yonks older than blokey though and really should have known better, but such is life.

While I think you should be heaping more of the blame onto your husband I'm sorry to hear your news

MissMitch

lostinrates wrote: »

for waht its worth I think some arguing ''the case of the mistress'' have also shown less charming sides of their personalities.

I agree with you, and essentially I'd really be in favour of leaving one relationship before starting another because it's the most responsible way to behave for the good of everyone concerned. But sadly, as I said before life is not so black and white and it certainly doesn't make the people involved worthless, immoral scum with no redeeming features whatsoever.

Of course there are people who have habitual affairs for no other reason then the thrill of it, but I really believe they are in the minority and it certainly doesn't seem to be the case in this instance.

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Don't rest on your laurels. I'd have said the same about our 36 year marriage, until he decided to go walkabouts with some predatory tart at work who made a play for him.

If anyone is interested and remembers my post way back in this thread, it looks like she's finally managed to split us up. Ironic that she's the same age as PTN. My OH is yonks older than blokey though and really should have known better, but such is life.

I am genuinely sorry to hear that

VestanPance

MissMitch wrote: »

I agree with you, and essentially I'd really be in favour of leaving one relationship before starting another because it's the most responsible way to behave for the good of everyone concerned. But sadly, as I said before life is not so black and white and it certainly doesn't make the people involved worthless, immoral scum with no redeeming features whatsoever.

Of course there are people who have habitual affairs for no other reason then the thrill of it, but I really believe they are in the minority and it certainly doesn't seem to be the case in this instance.

These type of situations are very black and white. People only see grey where they want to.

Pollycat

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Don't rest on your laurels. I'd have said the same about our 36 year marriage, until he decided to go walkabouts with some predatory tart at work who made a play for him.

If anyone is interested and remembers my post way back in this thread, it looks like she's finally managed to split us up. Ironic that she's the same age as PTN. My OH is yonks older than blokey though and really should have known better, but such is life.

I'm sorry to hear that too, Bogof_Babe, I thought you were working things out.

But I do agree with the post below.
I seem to remember you were away from home for family reasons (apologies if I've mixed you up wih someone else) but your OH really could have (and should have) rejected any advances.

FatVonD wrote: »

While I think you should be heaping more of the blame onto your husband I'm sorry to hear your news