Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

POPPYOSCAR

VestanPance wrote: »

It shows they cheat, lie and are deceitful. It shows they run from problems, not fix or try to resolve. It tells you everything about their character.

I disagree.

purpletoenails

VestanPance wrote: »

It shows they cheat, lie and are deceitful. It shows they run from problems, not fix or try to resolve. It tells you everything about their character.

You are basing your judgement on one experience you had with one person. Every situation is different, and every adulterer will not automatically have the character traits that you are describing.

peachyprice

lostinrates wrote: »

re doggers....I used to have a problem dodging them while waiting in laybys near an airport with little short term parking when I used to vcollect dh weekly from airports. It made me feel icky just being mistaken for one because I wanted to use a layby in my car.

Yes, in all seriousness, it's a problem for me/us too.

We live near Epping Forest, where it's rife. I was early for a meeting a few weeks ago so stopped in a car park to read my book for a while, goodness me the number of people who pulled up beside be and had a peek in was unbelievable. When I left there were the same cars is car parks up the road. This was at 2pm.

If we go there to walk the dog in the evening we get followed into the woods too, hate to think where they think the dog comes into it. :eek:

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

It might tell you about one aspect of their character, but you can't make assumptions about someones entire character unless you know them personally and can see how they conduct themselves in all the other areas of their life.

PTN....on that basis you can't assess your blokes character...have you been with him and his family?

Of course we assess character on incomplete views. We never have a complete view of anyone. Even ourselves we can only see in a mirror.

purpletoenails

lostinrates wrote: »

PTN....on that basis you can't assess your blokes character...have you been with him and his family?

Of course we assess character on incomplete views. We never have a complete view of anyone. Even ourselves we can only see in a mirror.

Yes I agree, but what I am saying is you can't define someones entire character on one aspect of their behaviour, or because of one incident that people may disapprove of.

edited to add, no I haven't been with him and his family, but I've seen enough of him, and talked to him enough to make more than just a snap decision about what he is like. He certainly isn't perfect, and nor am I, but then who is?

catkins

purpletoenails wrote: »

You are basing your judgement on one experience you had with one person. Every situation is different, and every adulterer will not automatically have the character traits that you are describing.

I have never cheated or been cheated on but I still agree with the comments that they are cheats and liars

catkins

Valentyna wrote: »

However my 'mistress' lol and I have been together now for nine HAPPY years and have survived all the messiness of my divorce which did come with very painful issues that we've both had to endure and to a point we still are because my ex husband is vengeful and hurt by me leaving him. We've been shunned by many people but it's worth it. We are so in love (still!) it's sickening to watch and we regularly squeeze each other and one of us says, 'Best affair ever!!!!' or get really sentimental and say, 'I'm so happy we had an affair.' It literally makes my stomach flip to think of us not being together, not having crossed paths or doing what was so wrong as a married woman but so right for us. I'm not even romanticizing this, we are absolutely happy.

P.S. I bet someone's going to ask so... my fiance and I have set a date and are hoping to be married next year.

I should hope after only 9 years together you are still happy - wonder if your ex's are so happy? Come back in another 10 or 20 years and let us know if you are still so happy (if you are even still together).

I have been married over 30 years and we are both very much in love. Always cuddling, holding hands etc. Maybe more importantly than being very much in love, we are also best friends and like and RESPECT the other one

VestanPance

Every adulterer is like that. You can wrap it up any way you wish, but they are liars, cheats and deceitful.

Is he telling his wife and kids " hey, I'm just off to see the bit on the side".

purpletoenails

catkins wrote: »

I should hope after only 9 years together you are still happy - wonder if your ex's are so happy? Come back in another 10 or 20 years and let us know if you are still so happy (if you are even still together).

I have been married over 30 years and we are both very much in love. Always cuddling, holding hands etc. Maybe more importantly than being very much in love, we are also best friends and like and RESPECT the other one

catkins it is wonderful that your relationship is like this, and I'm sure everyone would aspire to be so happy together after so many years. Sadly not everyone is so lucky, people change, circumstances change and invariably not all marriages will survive.

MissMitch

lostinrates wrote: »

PTN....on that basis you can't assess your blokes character...have you been with him and his family?

Of course we assess character on incomplete views. We never have a complete view of anyone. Even ourselves we can only see in a mirror.

We also are only able to interpret others actions, motivations and behaviours from our own experience and frame of reference, and there's an awful lot of that going on in this thread...not meaning you lir, but some posters are bordering on nasty without even questioning their own behaviour, and PTN's responses have remained measured throughout.