Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

victory

purpletoenails wrote: »

So that I'm not the other woman, so that we are free to see each other and be in contact with each other whenever we want to. So that we can spend the night together or go on holiday together. And so that he will not be cheating on his wife anymore.

I have followed right from the beginning and as you know PTN have wished you well and sided often with you and now after being away for a long weekend come back to catch up and to say I am disappointed , uhm, uhm, cheating on his wife, uhm, can't get my head around that, he is cheating you, you out of a care free happy, stress free, life , an open life, an even level life, you are being cheated.

Sometimes you try to say that the relationship is nothing because you hardly have intimacy and rarely see each other and other times you say it is all consuming, uhm, you are loosing me now.

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

You won't find the post because I haven't actually said that!

Thanks for clearing that up.

A poster said you had, and I could not recall it myself, so thought I would check to see if I had missed a post(although I am pretty sure I have read every single one!)

purpletoenails

victory wrote: »

I have followed right from the beginning and as you know PTN have wished you well and sided often with you and now after being away for a long weekend come back to catch up and to say I am disappointed , uhm, uhm, cheating on his wife, uhm, can't get my head around that, he is cheating you, you out of a care free happy, stress free, life , an open life, an even level life, you are being cheated.

Sometimes you try to say that the relationship is nothing because you hardly have intimacy and rarely see each other and other times you say it is all consuming, uhm, you are loosing me now.

Hi victory, I'm sorry if I am disappointing you. I understand what you are saying about me being cheated out of things, but I could walk away at any time so I don't think that he can take all the blame for that.

He does mean so much to me. I would move to be with him in a heartbeat if I could. I am trying very hard to avoid being too slushy on here for fear of ridicule! Circumstances do not allow us to be sexually intimate all that often, which is frustrating, but we are emotionally intimate, affectionate and tactile.

Errata

A little known fact: some (it may be all) Travelodges rent rooms during the day in 4 four segments for business meetings. Nothing to stop people booking and having a bit of nooky instead of pouring over spreadsheets.

Bogof_Babe

Errata wrote: »

A little known fact: some (it may be all) Travelodges rent rooms during the day in 4 four segments for business meetings. Nothing to stop people booking and having a bit of nooky instead of pouring over spreadsheets.

Do they change the beds between each 4-hour slot? :eek:

shellsuit

Errata wrote: »

A little known fact: some (it may be all) Travelodges rent rooms during the day in 4 four segments for business meetings. Nothing to stop people booking and having a bit of nooky instead of pouring over spreadsheets.

Yes, business rooms, not guest rooms with a bed and a bathroom.



ETA : I'm going to be honest and say that I don't get why people are telling purple that they feel for her and hope she's happy etc etc...

She's not ill or going through a hard time !!!!!!, she's having an affair with someone elses husband!

Valentyna

Don't worry what anyone on this forum thinks about you and what you are doing. People who are being offended by your actions are simply feeling the reality of what can happen in a marriage which at the beginning always seems full of hope and dreams. The truth is it takes two people to have an affair and if your marriage is solid, respectful and truly loving then no person outside the marriage can be tempting enough. If an affair occurs there is something already wrong in the relationship and the adulterer is looking for possibilities to 'get away' ('test the waters'), either temporarily or permanently. Trust me, I've been the adulterer on more than one occasion!

What I do know about breaking up a marriage with an affair is this: It's going to be REALLY messy for him and if you stay by his side, for you as well. People in his family, her family (and therefore her and her families' friends AND acquaintances), probably some of your family and possibly even his and your acquaintances, oh and MAYBE even some friends will be offended by you both and judge you. If you defend yourself, you'll look guilty (and common). If you don't you just have to let people think what they think and stand together but feeling bad. It will probably be the cause of stress and arguments between you as well. Then you have to deal with the actual divorce, messy - complicated - stressful! If there's children involved, well, he's going to be the bad guy. She's going to get custody and she's going to use them against him, hurting him and if he's a decent man it's going to crush him. Obviously if there's a way for him to leave her without you being in the picture for awhile, you both might just get away with it but if you're anything like me you won't be able to stay away from each other when he's free and it will all come out!

No one knows this relationship you have better than yourself. What you don't know is whether or not Mr. Naughty is ready to leave his wife, or if he loves you enough to turn his life upside down and leave it. Well, guess what? You don't have to know. What you need to figure out is how long are you willing to wait? Know yourself. Mr. Naughty has his life and it's comfy enough that he's not yet made the move to 'your side of the fence'. You're the one standing alone, waiting. If I were you I would sit down and think about what you're willing to live with and for how long before you need to cut all ties and move on. Set some standards for yourself. This is not about him. This is not about ultimatums or threats either. Just be honest with him, that this is your life and that there is a limit to how long you can put your life on hold, waiting, whether that be another month or another 10 years. Let him know and 'let yourself know'.

As for myself I was married quite young and determined to stay that way with a guy that wasn't enough for me to stop admiring other men. I stayed with him though for 7 years having the odd affair here and there, usually with successful men. I gave him a lot of chances to grow up and even moved to a place he wanted so he could be a better man (his words not mine), I then had an affair with my now fiance. The first day we were together I was smitten. The next week I was in love and knew I would be happy with him (I was also smart enough to know I might be rebounding but I was unhappy with my marriage so I figured I'd had enough). The next month I had left my husband. Since then I've been scared of marriage because I know how comfortable people can get and how it sometimes changes things. However my 'mistress' lol and I have been together now for nine HAPPY years and have survived all the messiness of my divorce which did come with very painful issues that we've both had to endure and to a point we still are because my ex husband is vengeful and hurt by me leaving him. We've been shunned by many people but it's worth it. We are so in love (still!) it's sickening to watch and we regularly squeeze each other and one of us says, 'Best affair ever!!!!' or get really sentimental and say, 'I'm so happy we had an affair.' It literally makes my stomach flip to think of us not being together, not having crossed paths or doing what was so wrong as a married woman but so right for us. I'm not even romanticizing this, we are absolutely happy.

Oh and my fiance was also dating another woman (long distance) at the time. I'm not going to lie to you, it has crossed my mind that he might cheat because he was having an affair, like 2-3 times, but I know he hasn't because we're so into each other all the time. He always wants to be with me and I don't even see all the amazing looking or rich guys who check me out (he tells me about them and men often hit on me, that's how I know before you ask) because I am so smitten with him. I think having been the adulteress that if he ever did have an affair, I know it's a symptom of something being wrong in the relationship. If he did fall in love with another woman it would break my heart but I would also recognize that he wasn't happy with me and I would hope that my love and respect for him would also help me be happy for him.

Anyway I hope this helps you, in any case best of luck. I know people are going to try to rip me up now but I really don't care, too busy being cuddled. I've never replied to a thread because I'm here to learn about money and suck at it but I KNOW about affairs!!! lol 'affairsavingexpert.com' :A

*hugs* V x

P.S. I bet someone's going to ask so... my fiance and I have set a date and are hoping to be married next year.

lostinrates

shellsuit wrote: »

ETA : I'm going to be honest and say that I don't get why people are telling purple that they feel for her and hope she's happy etc etc...

She's not ill or going through a hard time !!!!!!, she's having an affair with someone elses husband!

I think it probably IS a hard time, and she is also a human being. I don't think it would be terribly ''right'' to pretend its not hard for her or be mean because I personally feel her actions are ''wrong''.

POPPYOSCAR

lostinrates wrote: »

I think it probably IS a hard time, and she is also a human being. I don't think it would be terribly ''right'' to pretend its not hard for her or be mean because I personally feel her actions are ''wrong''.

Well said.

gratefulforhelp_2

Errata wrote: »

A little known fact: some (it may be all) Travelodges rent rooms during the day in 4 four segments for business meetings. Nothing to stop people booking and having a bit of nooky instead of pouring over spreadsheets.

How romantic:eek: I'm not sure this fits with PTN holding out to be treated with more respect.