Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

FatVonD

And even if PTN is prepared to invest another 2 years of her life on an outcome that carries no guarantees the poor wife has another 2 years of unknowingly living a life that is a lie all because it's more convenient for her cheating husband for the next couple of years

mountainofdebt

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Unless his conscience is starting to eat away at him to the point where he feels ill with guilt whenever he has contact with his wife (doubtful after 2 years IMO), logic is telling me there is no benefit to him leaving his wife now.

If you're serious about a long term relationship with him, I'm struggling to understand why you haven't offered to meet him (at least) halfway. You need to make it easy for him to leave! Although morally I'm not happy about writing that.

This is my point exactly.

tbh PTN sounds as if she wants her man but on her terms. Perhaps this is what the lover is agnoising over - is she worth the price he's going to have to pay now with no tangible benefits.

gratefulforhelp_2

lillymay wrote: »

PTN what about the wife in all this?
My husband confessed to havindg an affair after an ultermation from his misstress but instead of the s*** hitting the fan as she had expected & me throwing him out I told him it was up to him to choose one of us.He chose me & she was deverstated. I've had texts & Facebook messages saying he only chose me because he put his family first (the girls are over 30!) & they are soulmates etc etc. so far I haven't replied to any of them.
But the truth is I,m not sure if I really want him - I just didn't want her to have him.
Now shes at home wondering what we are doing instead of me sat at home wondering what they were doing.

I know this situation isn't funny, but your exercising of your power is.
:T:T:T:T:T:T

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Would anyone want their partner to stay with them through 'duty' if they knew that they were in love with someone else?

Yes. My children come first, I would put up with it.

purpletoenails wrote: »

And I'm not trying to inflict anything on his wife and children.

Sorry that's terribly disingenuous.

poet123

Not trying to be cruel here, but if it is is such a deep and abiding love, the prospect of living in a flat where she could visit as often as he wanted, and they could be a proper couple would (children aside) be an more inviting future than living with a wife he doesn't love and having little contact with the one he does love. That he is weighing the balance tells me he is calculating, and not feeling he has to be with PTN.

From her posts I just think PTN deserves better, and more, at this stage of her life.

Pollycat

I've seen a few recent posts about PTN's lover's 'innocent' wife and to be fair, we don't really know if she's inncoent or not.

Maybe she's been a nightmare to live with over the past 20 odd years.
Maybe PTN's lover has tried everything to mend his marriage.

We also don't know if she is really unaware of this 2 year long affair.
She may know and for her own reasons chooses to ignore what is happening, rather than being the 'poor wife'.

A lot of this is pure speculation.

I've followed this thread from the beginning and, maybe I've missed something along the way, but it's come as something of a shock to me that PTN isn't going to 'up sticks' and move to be with this man if that is what he decides he wants.

Don't get me wrong, I can fully understand the reasons that PTN is putting forward for not doing that, but it really isn't much of a good deal for her lover imho.

FatVonD

Pollycat wrote: »

We also don't know if she is really unaware of this 2 year long affair.
She may know and for her own reasons chooses to ignore what is happening, rather than being the 'poor wife'.

Of course none of us know for certain (either way) but it seems to me he's taken very few risks to her finding out (by way of frequency of meeting with PTN) so I think it's more likely that she doesn't know.

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Yes. My children come first, I would put up with it.

I don't think children growing up in a marriage that only continues because of duty does them much good. My child comes and came first - I'd rather he grows up in a house full of love and affection rather than two people together because they feel they should be.

gratefulforhelp_2

nickyhutch wrote: »

I don't think children growing up in a marriage that only continues because of duty does them much good. My child comes and came first - I'd rather he grows up in a house full of love and affection rather than two people together because they feel they should be.

I know if DH stayed with me out of duty, there would still be plenty of love and affection.

I guess it depends on the people involved.

POPPYOSCAR

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I know if DH stayed with me out of duty, there would still be plenty of love and affection.

I guess it depends on the people involved.

But if he were in love with someone else it could make him miserable - people can change when circumstances alter.

I am not one for staying 'for the sake of the children'. As I have said before, I would have been more than pleased had my parents divorced.

If a break is to be made at some point, I would think it better to be sooner rather than later, as some people find it much harder to start a new life when they are older and the children have grown up and left home.

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I know if DH stayed with me out of duty, there would still be plenty of love and affection.

I guess it depends on the people involved.

It must. I couldn't love and be affectionate towards someone if I knew they didn't really want to be there.