Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gratefulforhelp_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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I would disagree with you on this.

I have real enduring love with my OH and we are 'in love' and are still 'in love' after over 25 years together.Perhaps we are just lucky.

I have friends who tell me that they love their OH but that they are not 'in love' with them and this is leading to problems within their marriages.

I think you are lucky and I'm really glad for you, I think that's what we all aspire to.

But maybe those friends if they hang in there, will get that feeling back if they choose to act in a loving way.

POPPYOSCAR

It may not be a financial decision. Remember he is not a 'young' man and to change direction at this stage in your life without giving it some careful consideration would be foolhardy, to say the least, would it not?

I think there are many factors he has to consider. The romantics among us would say to hell with it - we must be together- lets do it!. But perhaps he is just that bit older and wiser, and is considering just what it would all mean for the future, and not just for himself, but for everyone concerned.

cheepskate_2

He's now 2 years away from even having to decide if he leaves his wife,he's already set the scene with your last meeting , as the o.p has stated she will stay as the mistress , if he wont leave at the moment.

What was the point in giving an ultimatum if you were just going to lie down and roll over, seriously.

Maybe a bit more thought should have went into what you wanted the outcome to be and worked from there.

As i remember it wasn't that long ago from your first post that you asked if he was just toying with you.

Come 2 years you will have been his bit on the side for 4 years, are you then going to listen to his excuses because you have put 4 years into it , and think what is another 2.

If in 2 years time he is wanting to leave his wife and you are soul mates as you say , he will come and seek you out, whether there is contact or not

POPPYOSCAR

cheepskate wrote: »

He's now 2 years away from even having to decide if he leaves his wife,he's already set the scene with your last meeting , as the o.p has stated she will stay as the mistress , if he wont leave at the moment.

What was the point in giving an ultimatum if you were just going to lie down and roll over, seriously.

Maybe a bit more thought should have went into what you wanted the outcome to be and worked from there.

As i remember it wasn't that long ago from your first post that you asked if he was just toying with you.

Come 2 years you will have been his bit on the side for 4 years, are you then going to listen to his excuses because you have put 4 years into it , and what is another 2.

Did she say that? Must have missed it.

Errata

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

It may not be a financial decision. Remember he is not a 'young' man and to change direction at this stage in your life without giving it some careful consideration would be foolhardy, to say the least, would it not?

I think there are many factors he has to consider. The romantics among us would say to hell with it - we must be together- lets do it!. But perhaps he is just that bit older and wiser, and is considering just what it would all mean for the future, and not just for himself, but for everyone concerned.

I would guess for him it would mean keeping only 50% of the martital assets, and that includes his pensions. The marital assets may be fairly substantial as PTN has mentioned he sends his teenage children to private schools; that's not a cheap gig.
He must be coming up to his fifties, and that's exactly the time of life when a significant loss of assets is not something to be lightly undertaken. Aditionally, he may lose a great deal of contact with his children, who he has and is working 6/7 days a week for, and the loss of many friends he has jointly with his wife.
That's what his losses will be if he leaves and divorces, but PTN would suffer no financial or emotional loss. The scales look very weighted.

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

The romantics among us would say to hell with it - we must be together- lets do it!.

Other romantics here might say....you know what, after two years with a (very lovely) other woman he might be pushed to commit to his marriage, work through their problems and genuinely rekindle love at home, and that PTN would similarly be pushed to get out and meet someone who is available, puts her first and whose world revolves around her, their life together. Its all a bit ''optimisitc'' I agree, but so are lots of the other outcomes possible.

POPPYOSCAR

lostinrates wrote: »

Other romantics here might say....you know what, after two years with a (very lovely) other woman he might be pushed to commit to his marriage, work through their problems and genuinely rekindle love at home, and that PTN would similarly be pushed to get out and meet someone who is available, puts her first and whose world revolves around her, their life together. Its all a bit ''optimisitc'' I agree, but so are lots of the other outcomes possible.

You have quoted only part of my post and taken it out of context.

I was referring to those posters that say he would just up sticks and be with Purpletoenails if he really loved her.

The rest of my post elaborates further.

Of course there are many things that might happen and many possible outcomes from all of this.

POPPYOSCAR

Can anyone help me please?

I am trying to find the post where Purpletoenails stated that she will carry on the affair for another two years. Can anyone direct me to it ?

Thanks.

purpletoenails

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Can anyone help me please?

I am trying to find the post where Purpletoenails stated that she will carry on the affair for another two years. Can anyone direct me to it ?

Thanks.

You won't find the post because I haven't actually said that!

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

You have quoted only part of my post and taken it out of context.

I was referring to those posters that say he would just up sticks and be with Purpletoenails if he really loved her.

The rest of my post elaborates further.

Of course there are many things that might happen and many possible outcomes from all of this.

My point was simply about people being romanctics and what they'd say!

No meaning deeper than that!