Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

FatVonD

He's 50, probably coming up to clearing his mortgage, he's not going to want to lose half of everything he's spent his life working for, of course he's never going to leave her. He'll still be there when he retires and if you don't kick him to the kerb sharpish you'll be spending your own retirement lonely and alone.

Get shot of him now while you're still young enough to meet someone to spend the rest of your life with.

PS Re the STIs and the mushrooming effect of everyone else's partners, you had the choice to decide whether to take the risk of leaving yourself open to possible infection from everyone he, his wife and everyone they've ever slept with has slept with and decided that you would. Sadly the pair of you have chosen to take that choice away from his wife and decided for her instead. Despicable, both of you.

izzybusy23

meer53 wrote: »

How on earth can you say that you're a person of integrity ? !!!!!! You make me really really angry !

Like clearingout, my ex, after much deliberation, chose the GF over me. My children, 15 and 2 at the time, were devastated, my daughter is still emotionally damaged by what happened. I had no idea at all that my marriage was in trouble, i had my daughter at 43. When she was 2, i threw him out after he dithered for 12 months about who he wanted to be with. This was only AFTER i'd found out about his affair which had been going on for about 6 months. He wanted what your lover wants, to have his cake and eat it.

I despise people like you, sorry if this offends you, but just like clearingout, i've been on the receiving end of deceitful, selfish people and their illicit relationships. Unless you've been through this, you cannot comprehend the emotional damage that is caused by your selfishness.

How can you look your children in the eye ? What sort of example are
you setting them ? I could go on and on about this but think you'll get
the gist ? Have some self respect and end this now, for everyones
sake.

I too was and still am on the receiving end; my XH affair has resulted in a baby due in 6 weeks and this has almost destroyed me. My 6 year old DD is having huge emotional turmoil over daddy leaving too.

Women who shag married men and break up families are evil b.itches. I too hope and pray there is such a thing as karma.

So no OP; my XH affair certainly DID NOT end happily for me or my DD.

Wickedkitten

purpletoenails wrote: »

I was waiting for a comment like this to appear

We are both useful members of society, we both work, pay our taxes and are raising future useful members of society. I was my hair regularly and as far as I know, so does he. I have not broken any laws, neither have I killed anyone.

Have you considered that if she divorces him for his adultery and names you, you'll have to pay her costs?

izzybusy23

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Have you considered that if she divorces him for his adultery and names you, you'll have to pay her costs?

I wasn't aware of this; does he have to admit to adultery though in order to do this? I'd certainly like to get the b.itch who helped wrecked my marriage to pay!

moodydonkey

izzybusy23 wrote: »

I wasn't aware of this; does he have to admit to adultery though in order to do this? I'd certainly like to get the b.itch who helped wrecked my marriage to pay!

They would both have to admit. Hard to prove adultery as I was told.

whitewing

Presumably not if izzybusy's fella is on the borth certificate.

moodydonkey

whitewing wrote: »

Presumably not if izzybusy's fella is on the borth certificate.

Well you would think so but possibly not. The law is a weird thing, probably something stupid about admitting parental responsibility but not actually proof of having had sex or committed adultery.


ETA not fact in any way.

justmel

purpletoenails wrote: »

Does that mean that you have as well? Or just me because you don't approve of what I'm doing?

Anyone can get an STI,that part is nothing to do with anyone approving or not approving of your actions,i myself had the HPV virus although i only knew that after it had caused the grade 3 abnormal cells to my cervix.

It amazes me that so many people can be ignorant to the fact that when you have sex with someone you are effectively having sex with all of their previous partners and anyone those people slept with etc..you could have one partner in all of your life and still be affected,when i was young i had an excuse for that ignorance,as an adult there isn't one.

I only know that i have nothing aside from the HPV which generally lays dormant for years because i have been married for almost 14 years,had children and got tests as routine in my pregnancies.

You say you are sure there is no one else he is seeing,you cannot possibly be sure,his wife is also highly likely to be thinking the same thing for now,he lives miles away,hardly sees you and let's be honest here you don't really 'know' him at all,it's easy to slip in calls and texts,takes no effort at all.

If he loved you enough to leave her he would have done it by now,no excuses,no waiting for the right time because there is no such thing,he would have faced the inevitable pain it was ging to cause and made the break.

I do feel that he is mostly to blame since he is the one who made those vows to his wife and has no problem breaking them but morally you know this is wrong and when this all comes out you will be painted in a bad light too,i wouldn't want that reputation and hell would freeze over before i became a bit on the side to any man.

You know what you should do but now it's a question of what you actually want to do,there is a difference and reading through the thread it is clear that you know it isn't right but you also seem very quick to defend him,yourself and your actions.

Your call OP,you either do the right thing and end it or carry on the way you are and be a part of something that will cause a hell of a lot of hurt for everyone involved including yourself,i am sure that after 2 1/2 years you will miss him but you will move on and get over him,you will either be happily single or meet someone who is free to be in a relationship you can truly enjoy and wonder why on earth you wasted so much time on him.

Ally

I'm interested to know what you would consider to be a happy ending to your situation?

Your original post/question suggested to me that you are not happy with your relationship and now I have read the entire thread, your subsequent posts have confirmed my initial thoughts.

purpletoenails wrote: »

and I'm completely certain there's no one else.

I would not be surprised if his wife had uttered the same words and possibly another mistress.

purpletoenails wrote: »

But it's happened, it's been going on a while, and now I am trying to decide what to do for the best. If I walk away now, the only people that will be hurt are him and I.

Unfortunately, the damage has been done and you and your lover have hurt people - they just don't know it yet, but they will find out eventually. They will then have to live with the devastation and you and your lover will have to live with the fact that you both caused the damage. Whether this was intentional or not, you are now aware of what you are both doing.

purpletoenails wrote: »

I know people on here are very cynical about what he is telling me and think that I'm a gullible fool, but I'm really not. His marriage is far from ideal and that was nothing to do with me coming along. However, I do sometimes wonder if I'm actually propping it up, and if I walked away, he would eventually leave her anyway.

I think you need to pay more consideration to what you believe to be the state of his marriage - everything you know is what he has told you, only one side of the story. He may be telling you what he believes you want to hear or what he believes he should say in order to sustain the relationship you currently share. I personally do not believe you are propping up the relationship in anyway but I am very interested to know why you feel this may be the case? IMHO, you would be the perfect excuse for him to leave his relationship. If you were not available, what excuse would he have to leave? Unless of course there was someone else? His relationship may have indeed not been perfect before you arrived ... but was there maybe someone else to distract him?

purpletoenails wrote: »

We are both useful members of society, we both work, pay our taxes and are raising future useful members of society. I was my hair regularly and as far as I know, so does he. I have not broken any laws, neither have I killed anyone.

Again, unfortunately, none of that will matter to the people you are both hurting.

I don't want to upset you and I am sorry but do feel you should consider why he does not think you are worth leaving his wife for if his marriage is as he states.

You have a big decision to make and I believe you already know the answer but just need convincing/encouragement that it is the right thing to do possibly. Do you have any friends you can discuss this with? I do hope you make the right decision for all involved. As someone mentioned previously, treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself.

Aside from the above, I am intrigued to know why after so long your daughter does not know about your relationship. Please do not share your reasons if you do not feel comfortable - you owe no explanation to me. It's just that I have drawn my own conclusions and I am curious to know if I am right or wrong

I wish you courage

1echidna

I haven't read all the responses. However this kind of thing is so common that for me it must mean that it is part of being human. Somebody will jump on me for saying that. Jump on me all you like, I just dsappear into the ether. This is being done for reasons of survival and self interest. I don't regret a little online dalliance I had on line one little bit. I hope nobody was hurt too much and in real terms absolutely nothing happened. It may have forced the three of us to do some fundamental reexamination of ourselves. It was stressful, as the OP is no doubt finding. But it is well and truly possible for all parties to come through it stronger and wiser. Good luck to you OP.