Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

CH27 wrote: »

How are you sure? Have you had yourself checked out?

Just because I am having a relationship with a married man does not make me a slapper. He is the only man I have been to bed with in 5 years and I currently have no concerns whatsoever about my sexual health.

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

I had been single for several years before I met him and I'm sure I don;t have anything nasty lurking

Unless you've been tested you can't possibly be sure.

Essentially, you've had unprotected sex with everyone anybody you've ever had unprotected sex with has had unprotected sex with, and anybody they had unprotected sex with too, if you follow me.

Plenty of STIs are symptomless, and there are some that even condoms don't protect against. You almost certainly have HPV at the very least.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I put the thread up because I really did want some opinions, whether they be good or bad. I am due to see him this week and I have been thinking for a while whether I can continue with the situation I'm in. Not because I have any doubt about the feelings that are involved, but because I miss him a lot between the times I see him and although we phone and text daily, this isn't really enough anymore I don't think.

Has this helped you at all?

I hope so. Its a brave way to get input on a difficcult matter.

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

Just because I am having a relationship with a married man does not make me a slapper. He is the only man I have been to bed with in 5 years and I currently have no concerns whatsoever about my sexual health.

You don't have to be a slapper to have an STI!

If you've only ever slept with 5 people before, and each of them slept with 5 people before you, and so on and so on, well that's a lot of people!

Go and get checked out, it takes 10 minutes, won't do you any harm and might just do you a lot of good, you never know.

shellsuit

purpletoenails wrote: »

Just because I am having a relationship with a married man does not make me a slapper. He is the only man I have been to bed with in 5 years and I currently have no concerns whatsoever about my sexual health.

If you weren't using anything (I think you said you were, but still...), how do you know all about his sexual health?

He could be seeing someone else aswell as you, or his wife could even be having an affair, and sleeping with her husband still.

Don't you feel just a tad guilty for his wife and children? The guy rings or texts you every day and so has been deceiving his wife for 2 and a half years.

If you found out that he'd been seeing someone else all the time he'd been seeing you, just imagine if his wife knew something had been going on for that length of time too.

I wouldn't want to be in that position, so would never put anyone else in that position.

Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself, as they say...

purpletoenails

Person_one wrote: »

Unless you've been tested you can't possibly be sure.

Essentially, you've had unprotected sex with everyone anybody you've ever had unprotected sex with has had unprotected sex with, and anybody they had unprotected sex with too, if you follow me.

Plenty of STIs are symptomless, and there are some that even condoms don't protect against. You almost certainly have HPV at the very least.

Does that mean that you have as well? Or just me because you don't approve of what I'm doing?

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

Just because I am having a relationship with a married man does not make me a slapper. He is the only man I have been to bed with in 5 years and I currently have no concerns whatsoever about my sexual health.

You don't have to be a slapper to have a STI.
Do you know 100% who he has been with in the last 5 years?

DuckEggGingham

If you sit him down and ask him about the future I bet you will hear; I want to be with you but I have to wait until the kids are grown and/or gone.

That day will come. Then it will be; (Take your pick) Her mum is poorly, I can't do it to her yet she is under to much stress. We are living separate lives but I can't leave her yet she is being unstable. Then there may be a crisis with one of the kids. Maybe then the wife has a health scare. E.T.C

I think you KNOW you will "lose" what scrap of a sham relationship you have if you do push/question him and I rather suspect that's why you have never done it before. Not out of "selflessness" but out of desperation to keep the crumbs you have right now. You are second best and I believe you know your place. I just think now you are getting to a stage where you want more. You won't be getting it with him you should thank your lucky stars for that lol! He hardly sounds a catch.

I fully suspect him to be a "regular" at this sort of thing, I don't believe you are his first distraction/time killer nor his last. After all he has got the practice somewhere from being able to hide if from his family for 2&1/2 years, you will NEVER truly know if he is just a sad old "player" because you will NEVER be able to trust him, his word counts for nothing all this ducking and diving proves that.

I can't help thinking of his kids, mine are older and if this was my husband this sort of thing coming out would devastate them who knows what knock on effect it will have on them for the rest of their lives. If he was any sort of person he would handle this in some sort of right way. Either leave his wife and maybe in the future have something more meaningful with you or work at things with his wife. Who could love a man that would do this to his own kids not just his wife. I truly believe his actions are cheating his whole family.

The more I think on this, I think the term "second class" applies to you both. You are actually both well suited I guess! Good luck!

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

Does that mean that you have as well? Or just me because you don't approve of what I'm doing?

Have I been tested? Of course I have, regularly!

I'm not daft enough to think STIs have any sense of moral outrage, they don't care how nice a person you think you are, they just take any chance they can to infect you.

Fire_Fox

purpletoenails wrote: »

I had been single for several years before I met him and I'm sure I don;t have anything nasty lurking

"The pool of undiagnosed disease in a population is also an important problem. Such people can spread infection unwittingly. The number of people carrying undiagnosed infection varies according to the disease concerned. In many cases, infection remains undiagnosed as the individual is asymptomatic. The disease may be more likely to produce symptoms in one sex than the other, but it remains contagious. For example, a man may readily see a primary chancre of syphilis on his glans whilst a woman is unaware of one on her cervix ...

History and examination may lead to the detection of STD which may be entirely unsuspected by the patient, particularly the asymptomatic patient (for example, STDs detected at routine cervical cytology screening)."
http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Sexually-Transmitted-Disease-(STD).htm

Just for the record I have had to be tested for chlamydia a couple of times, turned out to be thrush and cystitis simultaneously thankfully. I do not have loose knicker elastic any more than you do - but I do have fairly poor judgment when it comes to boyfriends. I've also had a borderline smear test, and nuns don't get cervical cancer.