Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Person_one wrote: »

Come on, you're 42 years old (that surprised me, I thought you'd be in your early twenties) you really should know better than to fall for these kind of lines.

Yes I'm sorry to disappoint you, I'm a grown up with a job and 2 lovely children.

paddy's_mum

purpletoenails wrote: »

his own parents divorced when he was a teenager and I know this affected him badly at the time.

Not badly enough, it would seem since he's so very willing to inflict the same misery upon his own children. This comment of his, alone, ought to make you see that he is an utter hypocrite.

whitewing

I do know of someone who met her now husband while he was still married. They had a family together themselves and are now retired. His ex hates them both and made life very difficult. To my knowledge neither of them have cheated on each other and seem content enough.

I personally could not get involved with a married man. It is below the standard of behaviour I set for myself, not because I am so fantastic but because I have had the opportunity in the past and I have had to think about my life choices. I think it takes courage for someone who is unhappily married to treat his/her spouse with respect, and I think these people should be given the space to do so.

POPPYOSCAR

Person_one wrote: »

Come on, you're 42 years old (that surprised me, I thought you'd be in your early twenties) you really should know better than to fall for these kind of lines.

I think women of all ages fall for these kind of lines. In fact, I would go as far as saying that perhaps a more 'mature' women might fall more easily as she may feel it to be more difficult to move on than a younger women.

purpletoenails

ceridwen wrote: »

Nope - but one thing that is striking me very forcibly is that I find it a bit odd that you put up a thread about this in the first place.

Reason = it was obvious that the vast majority of replies would be condeming you. Many people will have been/will be in one variant or another of the Eternal Triangle at some point - and therefore you would obviously "push a lot of hot buttons" and many of them from a particular viewpoint.

I am not going to begin to give an opinion of any description about this - because I dont have any "hot buttons" personally that could be pushed on this - so I see no reason to come on and say something because of "own personal hurt" in any way on this.

Just looking at it quite objectively - there is strong evidence that many men having affairs wont ever leave on the one hand and some evidence that men who married the wrong woman in the first place will leave and be happy subsequently on the other hand. Where your guy falls in this equation - whether it be weak-willed on the one hand or married the wrong woman in the first place on the other hand...who knows? We cant tell from the other side of a computer screen.

But - I suggest asking yourself why you put up this thread in the first place and see how you react to this question as to what your reason was (in view of the fact that you must have had a good idea what sort of responses you would get in the main).

Did you put this thread up because, at some level, you want some verbal "slaps across the face"?

I put the thread up because I really did want some opinions, whether they be good or bad. I am due to see him this week and I have been thinking for a while whether I can continue with the situation I'm in. Not because I have any doubt about the feelings that are involved, but because I miss him a lot between the times I see him and although we phone and text daily, this isn't really enough anymore I don't think.

tango

Person_one wrote: »

Come on, you're 42 years old (that surprised me, I thought you'd be in your early twenties) you really should know better than to fall for these kind of lines.

You would think that with age we mature, and you would think we wouldn't fall for the same lines but we do... men and women time and time again will continue to do so. Because when it comes to affairs of the heart life really is seen through a different pair of spectacles.. And until you take them off or someone else does it for you ,you aren't going to be able to see the wood for the trees..

purpletoenails

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Not badly enough, it would seem since he's so very willing to inflict the same misery upon his own children. This comment of his, alone, ought to make you see that he is an utter hypocrite. I took it to mean that he would not leave his wife while the children were still of school age, as far as I'm aware there was no adultery involved with his own parents marriage break up.

Course, he's probably just the same as many adulterers/cheats who believe they're so clever that they'll never get caught.

Will your daughter's studies and life remain placid if sonnyboy's wife founds out, chucks him out and he moves in with you in desperation? That wouldnt happen because I wouldnt allow him to

Do you know what he's doing the other two or three weeks between his visits? You have had your sexual health checked out, haven't you no I don;t feel i need to ...?

I had been single for several years before I met him and I'm sure I don;t have anything nasty lurking

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

I had been single for several years before I met him and I'm sure I don;t have anything nasty lurking

How are you sure? Have you had yourself checked out?

purpletoenails

poet123 wrote: »

Op have you met his wife?

No I havent

Fire_Fox

Jo_F wrote: »

This is not fictional, its a marriage that has recently split up, the wife just wanted nothing at all to do with the husband, she wouldn't even kiss him good bye in the morning, stopped even just having a smile or a warm word for him, no matter what he did, and believe me, he did try everything, took her out, took her away, no matter what he did, she refused to acknowledge there was a problem, as far as she was concerned, this was how it was going to be, and from what he says, it was a gradual thing, she never used to be so cold.

He tried everything he could, and she just pushed him further and further away, till in the end he walked out.

Even now the marriage is over, she's still very cold towards him, although she has now got herself another man.

Sudden or gradual change? You've changed the story. Sounds like the wife knew the marriage was over long before the husband did, but was too much of a coward to say so. I genuinely don't see what your point is, are you trying to suggest they would both have been better off if he had a discrete affair rather than left her? Surely they both now have the opportunity to build a happy future for themselves?

IMO a good man with a failed marriage is a lot better 'catch' than a married man. When I am in a loving relationship I want to shout my feelings from the rooftops, for my friends and family to love them as much as I do. And those who have loved me have been exactly the same. :j That is incompatible with being the 'other woman'.