Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

ska_lover

purpletoenails wrote: »

Just because I am having a relationship with a married man does not make me a slapper. He is the only man I have been to bed with in 5 years and I currently have no concerns whatsoever about my sexual health.

I wonder if his wife would agree with you?

Sorry to sound harsh, but seem naive for a woman of 42.

DuckEggGingham

purpletoenails wrote: »

I had been single for several years before I met him and I'm sure I don;t have anything nasty lurking

Oh but you do!

Someone else's husband!

purpletoenails

lostinrates wrote: »

Has this helped you at all?

I hope so. Its a brave way to get input on a difficcult matter.

I think it is helping me a lot. At least by focussing my mind a bit, whereas normally I try not to think about things too much because I end up going round in circles, thinking about the 'what ifs'

DuckEggGingham

I really feel like I have just taken part in a Jeremy Kyle script! If I had of known I would of UNwashed my hair!

whitewing

What do your children think of him?

jackomk

In answer to your original question "can an affair ever have a happy ending" well....for me, yes. I was on the recieving end by the way, but I will be forever grateful that the low life ex husband set me free (although I had put in a good 17 years !!)

For my kids....no. Their perfect little lives were shattered. The home they grew up in had to be sold, and their lives changed forever.

For my ex husband....no. He soon realized the grass wasn't greener on the other side, although he is still with her as he is spineless and wouldn't cope on his own.

And as for his "mistress"....5 years on and she is still constantly checking his phone/whereabouts/emails etc, and for some reason sees me as a threat !!

Im a great believer in karma

Fire_Fox

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

I really feel like I have just taken part in a Jeremy Kyle script! If I had of known I would of UNwashed my hair!

Don't panic, I currently have chavtastic three tone hair as I am part way through stripping colour build up. :rotfl:

paddy's_mum

There is really only one question, OP, and only you can answer it. What do you want from this relationship; where do you want it to go?

If the part-time set-up you have now is proving unsatisfying, how do you move it onto another phase? Is your 'chap' going to be amenable to changing the status quo or is he more likely to bust a gut in terror that you might spill the beans to his wife if he fails to go along with what you want?

None of us can answer that ...

Morality and judgement aside, can you ever really be content and happy while you are only getting the left-overs of him?

As a firm mse'er, I'd never settle for less than fair quality at a fair price and it sounds to me, by your current questioning of the status quo, as though you are beginning to wonder the same thing.

I'd also add that most of the comments about your sexual health aren't directed at you as some sort of "slapper" (your word, not mine) but because you CANNOT know what else he may have got up to when the backs of both his wife and you were turned.

One of the oldest tactics in the book is when a man says his wife doesn't understand him. It has, sadly, been my experience in life that his wife understands him only too well!!!

I do wish you luck in this difficult situation - and I wish you better than being effectively short-changed.

purpletoenails

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

I really feel like I have just taken part in a Jeremy Kyle script! If I had of known I would of UNwashed my hair!

I was waiting for a comment like this to appear

We are both useful members of society, we both work, pay our taxes and are raising future useful members of society. I was my hair regularly and as far as I know, so does he. I have not broken any laws, neither have I killed anyone.

shy-but-need-help

Depends on which side you're on, my FIL had an affair, as a result dh has a half brother and a stepmom who was originally the land lady, for BIL obviously it was a good thing, he came into being, had a wonderful childhood, everything he wanted, a stable home, support through everything he ever wanted to do for my DH and his two sisters it was a sentence to an absolutely devestating childhood where more than twenty years later they rarely trust anyone other than each other. They had an awful life after he left, MIL went from being a good mother to being a Jeremy Kyle poster-parent, there was never any money and the men bought into the home were often abusive to DH (who was an 8 year old trying to protect his sisters when it began)

I suppose it has a happy ending in that I gained from it a husband who is a fantastic father, a wonderful husband and a generally outstanding example of manhood at it's best. He set out to be everything his father failed to be and as his wife I've gained hugely from this. My kids have a secure loving home and to this day he still leads his extended family- my SILs will turn to him before anyone else. He has made his whole adult life about being a good person and never putting anyone through what his father did.

He's a married man, you shouldn't even need to be asking the question to know the answer. There's only two suitable times to begin a relationahip with a married man, when he's divorced or when he's widowed.