Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

POPPYOSCAR

Jo_F wrote: »

This is not fictional, its a marriage that has recently split up, the wife just wanted nothing at all to do with the husband, she wouldn't even kiss him good bye in the morning, stopped even just having a smile or a warm word for him, no matter what he did, and believe me, he did try everything, took her out, took her away, no matter what he did, she refused to acknowledge there was a problem, as far as she was concerned, this was how it was going to be, and from what he says, it was a gradual thing, she never used to be so cold.

He tried everything he could, and she just pushed him further and further away, till in the end he walked out.

Even now the marriage is over, she's still very cold towards him, although she has now got herself another man.

Yes, I know a man that tried to talk to his wife and tell her that he was not happy. The next day when he came home from work his belongings were in a black bin liner outside the front door and she refused to let him in!!

Person_one

Jo_F wrote: »

This is not fictional, its a marriage that has recently split up, the wife just wanted nothing at all to do with the husband, she wouldn't even kiss him good bye in the morning, stopped even just having a smile or a warm word for him, no matter what he did, and believe me, he did try everything, took her out, took her away, no matter what he did, she refused to acknowledge there was a problem, as far as she was concerned, this was how it was going to be, and from what he says, it was a gradual thing, she never used to be so cold.

He tried everything he could, and she just pushed him further and further away, till in the end he walked out.

Even now the marriage is over, she's still very cold towards him, although she has now got herself another man.

Not at all sure what you're point is here, you seem to be suggesting that a failing marriage is a good enough excuse to stray?

Person_one

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes, I know a man that tried to talk to his wife and tell her that he was not happy. The next day when he came home from work his belongings were in a black bin liner outside the front door and she refused to let him in!!

So...he should have just cheated on her rather than even trying to work it out?

The fact that some marriages are less than perfect or fall apart has zero relevance to the question of whether its ok to cheat!

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

So am I now dozy and well as second class?

Come on, you're 42 years old (that surprised me, I thought you'd be in your early twenties) you really should know better than to fall for these kind of lines.

ceridwen

Nope - but one thing that is striking me very forcibly is that I find it a bit odd that you put up a thread about this in the first place.

Reason = it was obvious that the vast majority of replies would be condeming you. Many people will have been/will be in one variant or another of the Eternal Triangle at some point - and therefore you would obviously "push a lot of hot buttons" and many of them from a particular viewpoint.

I am not going to begin to give an opinion of any description about this - because I dont have any "hot buttons" personally that could be pushed on this - so I see no reason to come on and say something because of "own personal hurt" in any way on this.

Just looking at it quite objectively - there is strong evidence that many men having affairs wont ever leave on the one hand and some evidence that men who married the wrong woman in the first place will leave and be happy subsequently on the other hand. Where your guy falls in this equation - whether it be weak-willed on the one hand or married the wrong woman in the first place on the other hand...who knows? We cant tell from the other side of a computer screen.

But - I suggest asking yourself why you put up this thread in the first place and see how you react to this question as to what your reason was (in view of the fact that you must have had a good idea what sort of responses you would get in the main).

Did you put this thread up because, at some level, you want some verbal "slaps across the face"?

purpletoenails

superpup wrote: »

OP, I'm not going to chip in on the rights and wrongs but I have a suggestion - feel free to use or discard as you see fit

I would be interested to know of his reaction if when you next speak to him - I don't know if this is by text, email, phone, in person etc - tell him you've met someone you get on well with and you think he's about to ask you out on a date.

He's seeing 2 people - you and his wife - he can't really complain if you're doing the same. Do you have any idea as to how he would take this news?

Yes, I know he wouldnt' like it, but as you say there wouldnt be anythig he could do about it.

POPPYOSCAR

[QUOTE=Person_one;45221060]So...he should have just cheated on her rather than even trying to work it out?

The fact that some marriages are less than perfect or fall apart has zero relevance to the question of whether its ok to cheat![/QUOTE]


Can't recall saying that anywhere in my post.

poet123

Op have you met his wife?

finaniciallyfitforfortys

Apart from the morals that it is wrong- WALK AWAY find someone who loves you and will be faithful to YOU.

Sally42

To return to the op ~ can an affair ever have a happy ending? I suspect that you know the answer to this ~ we're simply confirming your suspicions.
My husband had a three and a half year affair. He promised her the world, and on the basis of this, she had his baby. He didn't leave me, had no intentions of doing so. She was a convenient physical repository, someone to talk to, someone who thought that the sun shone out of his backside, and he basked in the adulation. When push came to shove, he chose to stay with me. I chose to allow him to do so. I did, however, keep in contact with his mistress, as much to get answers to my myriad of questions as to keep an eye on her. (she was so smitten that she turned down a chance to emigrate to NZ and made a million and one excuses for him when heir child died without him even bothering to visit her) And, funnily enough, she was shocked when I told her of the affairs he had following the demise of their relationship; she truly thought that she was the one, rather than a convenience.