Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes I appreciate and understand your reasoning.

However, if you had both tried you hardest but he did just not love you anymore could you live like that?

Personally, I could not share my life with someone knowing that all the time they were wishing they were with someone else. That would make me feel uncomfortable and unhappy myself.

Honestly, I'm finding it hard to imagine. In the past, my experience suggests no, I wouldn't continue, nor let it get to that stage,...but that wasn't with my husband. I've lost out financially in a relationship alreayd and now do not work and am entirely dependant. I'm watching my parents separate now, in retirement, and that my mother has been dependant on my father for years, and my father worked very, very hard and though should have been going into retirment very, very comfortable is now going to be anything but. Neither are that likely to be happy...together or apart, but both will be a lot poorer and have lifestyles both are griping constantly about. I wouldn't want that either...


I think that it would depend a lot on how old we were, and what our circumstances our at that time. I can't honestly say either way as a black and white answer, either would be an idealogical shove to the opposing extremes of my nature! I think I'm probably younger than PTN's fella and wife too.

edit: and PTn's bloke and wife are not at the stage you voice either...

willow_loulou

Aww PTN being the other woman sucks hun, which ever way its looked at you are probably on a loosing streak.
In my experience *other women* come in a few catagories
1 - a woman who sets her sights on a man and does what ever it takes regardless of who she tramples on (my ex's gf is one of these)
2- women who know better really deep down but like the man so wait and see
3- those who didnt know they were married
There are probably more...

The ex'x gf really seems to distrust my ex - they both cheated to be together, I guessed and showed him the door. He denied it for months! She however forgets her lies so I know better. Anyway what I am getting at is when he is at my house to see the children or takes them out she texts him almost constantly. I dont think trusting a cheater is an easy thing to do. If he left her could you ever really deep down trust him? Also could you reconsile yourself with the guilt of knowing you were a part of this marraige breakdown? No nastyness meant there, often in my experience the other woman in an excuse to leave and is often just the means to an end.

I hope what ever happens you are happy in the end as we all deserve it.

cheepskate_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

I know that you are hoping to be able to revel in my misery when he tells me he will not be leaving his wife,

I dont think it will come to that in all honesty. I think he will spin you another yarn about how he loves you and only you but cant leave his wife because of xyz, but give him time and he will leave her.

You will play the little mistress for the time coming.

As for revel in your misery, its not a fraction of the misery you are trying to give his innocent wife and children.

willow_loulou

Having ploughed through this thread cheapskate I dont think PTN will underestimate in the distress of the wife and family. Far from it. It seems to me the relationship has suited both him and PTN - I can understand wanting a part time relationship when you are a single parent, the complications of an every day relationship are for me not worth bothering about. The occasional night would how ever be lovely Sadly most of the men I have met happy with that are indeed married or in a relationship.
I hope if he says he will leave soon you give him in your own head a certain length of time to sort leaving and find somewhere else to live so that you dont get strung along as cheapskate suggests. I do very much agree with the space between leaving and getting with you. My family (I include inlaws) detest ex's gf still because they all blame her. As I do for some part but hey it takes two!! The family will adjust to the situation if there is time too. The last thing you and your daughter need is the anger from his family

Money_maker

purpletoenails wrote: »

But, I know him extremely well

From snatched days here and there, I rather suspect that should he become available for you then you may discover you don't know him as well as you think you do.

Having said that, you come across as such a lovely person that I hope he lets you go and you meet a fantastic single man and live happily ever after

Wickedkitten

Sorry PTN but this guy sounds like a pig.

I don't mean to be cruel, but how much of a relationship can you really say that you have with him considering that you have seen him what, 52 times in the past two years and appears to have put yourself on hold for him whilst he goes home to and sleeps with the wife who has made him so desperately unhappy that he just !!!!ed off on a two week holiday with?

You are entirely too good for someone who more than likely didn't have a single serious thought about him ever leaving his wife until you brought it up and even then didn't have a serious think about it.

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

I know that you are hoping to be able to revel in my misery when he tells me he will not be leaving his wife, and you will in all probability get your chance to enjoy seeing me get my come-uppance. But, I know him extremely well, and I have never seen anything in him that would indicate to me that he has an inate need to have 2 women on the go all the time. Just because he has had one affair does not mean he is going to spend the rest of his life having them.

I am neither naive or egotistical, I'm a realist - things happen in life, sometimes good, sometimes bad, and you deal with them the best you can.

For what it's worth, I do know that he loves me, but you can't live on love alone, and I doubt very much that his decision will be based purely on how much he loves me.

PTN -you've got my responses all wrong. I for one wouldn't be reveling should he decide that he's staying with his wife for whatever reason.....nor would I be overjoyed for you if he decided to leave her for you.

The way I look at it, if he truely madly deeply loved you then he would have had no hesitation in leaving his wife for you - yes you can't live on love alone but if you haven't got love then all the money in the world won't fill that gap.

If he does go down the route of moving into his own flat I guess (from experience) that he won't even have the guts to admit to his wife / children / family that PTN even exists .....and will try and hoodwink them into believing that the relationship only began after the split.

(btw as you are not prepared to move for the next two years for the sake of your daughter, and she is a year younger than his - then doesn't that make this year an exam year for her? So you would be happy for him to leave home, causing the distruption to his daughter's life / schooling etc but aren't willing to do the same to your daughter? Why isn't what's sauce for the goose good for the gander?)

purpletoenails

cheepskate wrote: »

I dont think it will come to that in all honesty. I think he will spin you another yarn about how he loves you and only you but cant leave his wife because of xyz, but give him time and he will leave her.

You will play the little mistress for the time coming.

As for revel in your misery, its not a fraction of the misery you are trying to give his innocent wife and children.

I don't know if you realise how condescending you sound. I'm not 'the little mistress' - I don't just turn up in a hotel room in stockings and suspenders once a month, so he can get his jollies then ignore me til the next time he has a use for me!

And I'm not trying to inflict anything on his wife and children.

cheepskate_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't know if you realise how condescending you sound. I'm not 'the little mistress' - I don't just turn up in a hotel room in stockings and suspenders once a month, so he can get his jollies then ignore me til the next time he has a use for me!


No I did see when you said it was once every 2 weeks that you met.

And I'm not trying to inflict anything on his wife and children.

Really!!!!!

purpletoenails

cheepskate wrote: »

Really!!!!!

Yes really!!

And did you also see that we'd only been to bed together half a dozen times in the last year?