Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

mountainofdebt

purpletoenails wrote: »

So that I'm not the other woman, so that we are free to see each other and be in contact with each other whenever we want to. So that we can spend the night together or go on holiday together. And so that he will not be cheating on his wife anymore.

PTN you can try and rationalise it whatever way you want but to his wife, chidren family and friends you will always be the other woman who caused the divorce, whehter they accept you or not. The other thing to remember is if he really truely want the same things wouldn't have left his wife by now - or did the financial impications take precendence?

peachyprice wrote: »

Hell no, so that his wife and children can at least have the best break-up under the circumstance. Nowhere did I say that he shouldn't tell his wife why he is leaving, but to got straight to his mistress? Yeah kick her while she's down, why not.

You know, on this site women are always, always being told, 'Oooh don't leave your husband and move straight in with your lover, take time to get your head straight first and your children used to your OH not being around, blah blah blah' why is it different for a man leaving his wife?

well all I can say is that it wouldn't make a jot of difference to me if I was his wife whether my OH moved straight in with the other woman or not. If he doesn't go straight to PTN, won't there be a bed warming vacancy ?

purpletoenails

mountainofdebt wrote: »

PTN you can try and rationalise it whatever way you want but to his wife, chidren family and friends you will always be the other woman who caused the divorce, whehter they accept you or not. The other thing to remember is if he really truely want the same things wouldn't have left his wife by now - or did the financial impications take precendence?



well all I can say is that it wouldn't make a jot of difference to me if I was his wife whether my OH moved straight in with the other woman or not. If he doesn't go straight to PTN, won't there be a bed warming vacancy ?

I think there are other issues he has to consider as well as financial, but yes that will be part of it certainly.

And no, I doubt that there would be a bed warming vacancy.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

He tells me when he's at work and when he's at home. I've no reason to think he would make it up. When he is at work he generally contacts me and I am able to contact him if I want to.

It is likely he tells his wife he is at work when he is with you too. He may tell you e is at work when he is with his wife to spare your feelings....that would be a reason?

If you are contacted him by a mobile then he could be anywhere.

PTN, I'm not trying to be cruel, though ATM I feel it, but this man IS a liar, if not to you but to someone, his wife too might say ''I have no reason to think he would make it up'' but you would know that to be a false sense of security.

cheepskate_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

I think there are other issues he has to consider as well as financial, but yes that will be part of it certainly.

And no, I doubt that there would be a bed warming vacancy.

Has he not had 2+ years to consider this and then act on it, yet he still cannot put you over his wife, then again maybe that was always his intention.

Anyway we will see in two weeks how much he loves you.

I love it when the mistress is so sure, that he will do it to his wife, but wouldn't do it to them- naivety or egotistic -

POPPYOSCAR

Would anyone want their partner to stay with them through 'duty' if they knew that they were in love with someone else?

lostinrates

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Would anyone want their partner to stay with them through 'duty' if they knew that they were in love with someone else?

I don't know. It depends a lot on other things in life IMO, including financial. I'm trying to imagine my position, and if dh were having an affair and came to me in this situation I think as well as being heartbroken I'd also have to consider the position of my future security and what I've gained and sacrificed over the years as well as the joint commitments we have.

I know I would like us to try and address issues before giving up, that's for certain.

purpletoenails

cheepskate wrote: »

Has he not had 2+ years to consider this and then act on it, yet he still cannot put you over his wife, then again maybe that was always his intention.

Anyway we will see in two weeks how much he loves you.

I love it when the mistress is so sure, that he will do it to his wife, but wouldn't do it to them- naivety or egotistic -

I know that you are hoping to be able to revel in my misery when he tells me he will not be leaving his wife, and you will in all probability get your chance to enjoy seeing me get my come-uppance. But, I know him extremely well, and I have never seen anything in him that would indicate to me that he has an inate need to have 2 women on the go all the time. Just because he has had one affair does not mean he is going to spend the rest of his life having them.

I am neither naive or egotistical, I'm a realist - things happen in life, sometimes good, sometimes bad, and you deal with them the best you can.

For what it's worth, I do know that he loves me, but you can't live on love alone, and I doubt very much that his decision will be based purely on how much he loves me.

POPPYOSCAR

cheepskate wrote: »

Has he not had 2+ years to consider this and then act on it, yet he still cannot put you over his wife, then again maybe that was always his intention.

Anyway we will see in two weeks how much he loves you.

I love it when the mistress is so sure, that he will do it to his wife, but wouldn't do it to them- naivety or egotistic -

This old chestnut again.


It is not a given thing that because a person has cheated once they will go on to do it again.

Relationships are complex things and as has been said many times people have affairs for all sorts of reasons.

I have a family member who went off with other women all the time because he was so unhappy in his marriage ,until he met someone and fell in love - he has been faithful ever since. Each case is different.

Someone else I know, his first wife left him for someone else and he married the next women that came along on the rebound. He then met someone and fell in love, but was too scared to enter into a third marriage in case that went wrong. He also felt that he had made his bed and had to lie on it to a certain extent.

No one really knows the full story here.

lostinrates

mountainofdebt wrote: »

PTN you can try and rationalise it whatever way you want but to his wife, chidren family and friends you will always be the other woman who caused the divorce, whehter they accept you or not. The other thing to remember is if he really truely want the same things wouldn't have left his wife by now - or did the financial impications take precendence?



well all I can say is that it wouldn't make a jot of difference to me if I was his wife whether my OH moved straight in with the other woman or not. If he doesn't go straight to PTN, won't there be a bed warming vacancy ?

It might make a difference to the kids, the realtionship between the children from the different families, and in this case the wife and the husband. Neither would be easy. I think that it could be easy for the children....that way neither set have to be aware of the deception that went on, which would be less conflicting for them.

POPPYOSCAR

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't know. It depends a lot on other things in life IMO, including financial. I'm trying to imagine my position, and if dh were having an affair and came to me in this situation I think as well as being heartbroken I'd also have to consider the position of my future security and what I've gained and sacrificed over the years as well as the joint commitments we have.

I know I would like us to try and address issues before giving up, that's for certain.

Yes I appreciate and understand your reasoning.

However, if you had both tried you hardest but he did just not love you anymore could you live like that?

Personally, I could not share my life with someone knowing that all the time they were wishing they were with someone else. That would make me feel uncomfortable and unhappy myself.