Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

mountainofdebt wrote: »

PTN (and him) will have wrecked the marriage - (things would have a different appearance if they met after he had decided unilaterally to leave his wife -not after having received the ultimatium from PTN (btw if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it usually is a duck)) so all they would be doing in that circumstance is keeping up appearances

All along I had said that I didn't want to issue an ultimatum, that I wanted him to decide for himself, so that I would not feel I had 'forced' him, despite a lot of posters saying that issuing an ultimatum is exactly what I should do. However, I have done it, and will therefore have to live with the consequences of that.

Bogof_Babe

This one...

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=45249588&postcount=265

I'm even more confused now. What is the POINT of splitting up his family knowing that you can't be together anyway for two years?

As for me being criticized for suggesting PTN should move her daughter to a new school, surely this sort of thing happens all the time with Forces families?

I don't have children so don't see it from an emotional point of view. My parents moved the family when I was 13 and my sister 11, and it never harmed our education. We liked our new school a whole lot better actually.

lillymay_3

PTN what about the wife in all this?
My husband confessed to havindg an affair after an ultermation from his misstress but instead of the s*** hitting the fan as she had expected & me throwing him out I told him it was up to him to choose one of us.He chose me & she was deverstated. I've had texts & Facebook messages saying he only chose me because he put his family first (the girls are over 30!) & they are soulmates etc etc. so far I haven't replied to any of them.
But the truth is I,m not sure if I really want him - I just didn't want her to have him.
Now shes at home wondering what we are doing instead of me sat at home wondering what they were doing.

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

This one...

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=45249588&postcount=265

I'm even more confused now. What is the POINT of splitting up his family knowing that you can't be together anyway for two years?

So that I'm not the other woman, so that we are free to see each other and be in contact with each other whenever we want to. So that we can spend the night together or go on holiday together. And so that he will not be cheating on his wife anymore.

Marisco

purpletoenails wrote: »

Post 265 in blue

Apologies, I have skipped a few pages:o However I still agree with Bogof, it does seem pointless for him to leave now and go into a bedsit/flat on his own. Would he be able to afford it? What with paying for maintenance etc? Although from a personal pov, I would prefer it if he left, as it means at least his intentions are right, when you are able to move. The way things are at the min, it just sounds like he is stringing you along.

I've been in your position i.e the "other" woman, and I've also been at the other end, i.e ex left me for "other" woman (that happened first) so I know what it's like from both sides if you like. I don't think anyone has an affair with the intention of hurting anyone, it's just one of those things. And personally, I don't believe anyone can break up a happy marriage either!! Someone somewhere will be unhappy!

And yes, I was totally oblivious that ex was having an affair, it was the old cliche, the wife is the last to know!!! I won't pretend when he left (after 24 years) it didn't knock me for 6, but looking back, that was more to do with how would I manage on my own, with very little money (ex was on a good wage) TBH, it was the best thing that happened in the end, I was free to do what I wanted (got married just turned 19) If your man does leave, she will get over it, so from a purely selfish mode, you do what you think is best for you. (After that last sentence, I'll don my tin hat )

peachyprice

mountainofdebt wrote: »

What so PTN and her lover can make them feel good about themselves? So it appears that they innocently fell in love after he had separated from his wife?

Hell no, so that his wife and children can at least have the best break-up under the circumstance. Nowhere did I say that he shouldn't tell his wife why he is leaving, but to got straight to his mistress? Yeah kick her while she's down, why not.

You know, on this site women are always, always being told, 'Oooh don't leave your husband and move straight in with your lover, take time to get your head straight first and your children used to your OH not being around, blah blah blah' why is it different for a man leaving his wife?

FatVonD

purpletoenails wrote: »

Yes I do need the extra money, and I have done bar/waitressing work before and enjoyed it, so this could be an option for the future.

Then get yourself down the your local rugby club/live music venue/whatever floats your boat (rowing club ) and get yourself out there. Sure you'll be emotionally unavailable for a while but that might be a good defence to have when sorting the wheat from the chaff (the sharks will always attack first!) and it might give your blokey a kick up the aris the first time he texts goodnight and you don't reply because you didn't hear the phone because you were too busy having fun with your new friends

I can't help but think that you'd not have settled for so little for so long if there were other options, I know from experience that it's not as easy to meet someone new in your 40s as it is in your 20s but it is possible and new friends have other friends and friends of friends you've never met who all have parties/get togethers, you'll soon meet someone lovely, you just need to cast your net a bit wider!

Errata

peachyprice wrote: »

Hell no, so that his wife and children can at least have the best break-up under the circumstance. Nowhere did I say that he shouldn't tell his wife why he is leaving, but to got straight to his mistress? Yeah kick her while she's down, why not.

You know, on this site women are always, always being told, 'Oooh don't leave your husband and move straight in with your lover, take time to get your head straight first and your children used to your OH not being around, blah blah blah' why is it different for a man leaving his wife?

Any man who hotbeds between a wife and another woman needs to look for their spine.

denton6

purpletoenails wrote: »

So that I'm not the other woman, so that we are free to see each other and be in contact with each other whenever we want to. So that we can spend the night together or go on holiday together. And so that he will not be cheating on his wife anymore.

None of this has bothered you before now has it???
you have done all the above and betrayed his wife and children.

purpletoenails

denton6 wrote: »

None of this has bothered you before now has it???
you have done all the above and betrayed his wife and children.

No I haven't done all of the above

And yes it does bother me, otherwise I'd be happy to let things continue as they are.