Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

space_rider

I know someone, not me, who had a mistress for 22 years. His wife got fed up last year and asked for a divorce. Why it took her all this time I don't know. She knew about it for many many years. The mistress must be one patient woman. I just hope they like each other now they are free to be together.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

Yes, I don't think he would relish a 2 hour each way commute each day, so he would need to stay near work, in the week at least, but at the moment he works 6 days most weeks, sometimes 7.

PTN, how do you know this is true....I raised this before, but its likely that on one day when his family probably think he is working he is seeing you. Is it not possible its the same the other way around?

I understand hardworking men, I'm the daughter of one and the wife of another, so I'm not saying its not possible, but I think its difficult to take this at face value.


I am so sorry you are feeling wretched. I'm also urging you not to feel bad about defining your future life.....this is not fair on anyone as it is, and he owes you...and his family, a decision. IMO, its pretty shoddy if he says ''yues, in two years time'' becasue then there is an active decision to continue to cheat on his wife when she could be using the time to move on. (unlike some of the others I doubt these things are premeditated...''I'm going to go and have an affair'' but rather fallen into ads you describe, but to actively continue to lie to his wife for a defined period of time and prevent her starting a new life is IMO, veyr cruel) and also...in two years time...suppose he doesn't, its two years of your life wasted too.

Bogof_Babe

This is a new development at the 11th hour, about you not being able to move for two years. If I was him I'd be using that as the perfect "reason" to suggest you both carry on as you are for two years, which buys him lots of time to make his mind up.

If he really is your priority you would move your daughter to a different school to be with him. You've surprised me saying that's not an option.

essexgirly

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

If he really is your priority you would move your daughter to a different school to be with him. You've surprised me saying that's not an option.

I can see PTN has her priorities in the right place. To move her daughter at this stage in her education may have terrible consequences. Everybody always bangs on about "putting the children first" in relationship turmoils and here you are saying that the daughter comes second. Cant work that one out.

Anyway PTN. I do believe that now that you have set this "ultimatum" at some stage you do have to act on it. But on the other hand, you have sewn a seed and I'm sure he knows he is on borrowed time with you.

Again, this is just my opinion and like a******es, we all have!

Keep us up to date and don't let your thoughts overtake you.

Marisco

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

This is a new development at the 11th hour, about you not being able to move for two years. If I was him I'd be using that as the perfect "reason" to suggest you both carry on as you are for two years, which buys him lots of time to make his mind up.

If he really is your priority you would move your daughter to a different school to be with him. You've surprised me saying that's not an option.

Must say I agree with this. If he is willing to leave his wife and all that goes with it, then you have to be willing to meet him half way as well. It seems pointless him leaving his wife and home, just to live on his own in a bedsit/flat. The whole point of his leaving surely, is so you can be together?

lostinrates

I'm sorry, I think PTN is right to put her family first. (I do think he should be doing that too though...I don't think that necessarily means staying with his wife, but I do think it means being honest with her, and faithful if they decide not to separate.). My opinion, as a non parent, is if you have kids they come first, second and third until they are independant...then other things can move up the ranking.

POPPYOSCAR

I would not disrupt my daughters schooling at this point for anyone or anything so I think you are right not to move just so you could be with him.

It does seem in the circumstances unfortunate timing and I think this complicates the issue even more.

Although, if he were to leave and be on his own for a while, it might makes things easier for him with his family.

Marisco

Then PTN might have to accept that this situation will probably carry on for the next two years, (unless she walks away) when she is "free" to move. As Bogof said, this has just been thrown into the equation, I think if this was known from the beginning, she might have got different answers!

Lotus-eater

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Although, if he were to leave and be on his own for a while, it might makes things easier for him with his family.

The chances of him doing that are zero, that seems quite obvious.

Actually, I think the chances of him leaving at all, are zero also. But that's only my opinion.

POPPYOSCAR

[QUOTE=Lotus-eater;46603669]The chances of him doing that are zero, that seems quite obvious.

Actually, I think the chances of him leaving at all, are zero also. But that's only my opinion.[/QUOTE]


Whilst I agree it is highly unlikely I do not think you can say the chances are zero for sure.