Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

lostinrates

peachyprice wrote: »

If he hasn't had the decency to think about it over all these weeks a few more aren't going to make any difference to the fact that he's happy to bob along havin his cake and eating it.

Have you given him a timescale PTN?

What do you say if he says ''you...but not yet...?'' Are you confident he could mean that sincerely? How do you feel about maintaining that having thought more about the position of his family/wife? Is it something you can live with?

Have you got lots to do atm? May I ask, are you in a position where you are meeting new people...not just men, but including men who if you are unattached might be interesting to you?

edit: PTN do you have nice things planned for the weekend/tonight? If not...why not do something you wouldn't normally do? Something that will be fun and social and even a little glamourous?

cheepskate_2

Again , you act like a good little mistress, doing as your told and keeping quiet..

You keep insisting that he loves you. If he did he would not need 2+ years and an ultimatum to decide.

But then again i already knew this outcome half way through this thread.


Did you not also say earlier, that you did not want to give him an ultimatum, as you wanted him to come to you, because he wanted to, not because he is forced. When the chips are down , tunes change very quickly and some people are willing to accept anything.

Hes made it very plain to you, by not making his choice.

CH27

PTN I think you know now that you have your answer.

You need to take steps now to end the relationship & prevent yourself getting hurt even more.

purpletoenails

peachyprice wrote: »

TBH, I think you've now got your answer right there.

If he hasn't had the decency to think about it over all these weeks a few more aren't going to make any difference to the fact that he's happy to bob along havin his cake and eating it.

I'm quite sure he would be happy to carry on as things are, but he has been thinking about it over the last few weeks - however, we talked round and round in circles and this is when I decided to give him the ultimatum.

lostinrates wrote: »

Have you given him a timescale PTN?

Yes, he asked how soon he had to decide, and I said before the next time we meet, which will be in a couple of weeks time.

What do you say if he says ''you...but not yet...?'' Are you confident he could mean that sincerely? If it was years then theres no way I'd be hanging around, if it was a few months to sort out practicalities then maybe. How do you feel about maintaining that having thought more about the position of his family/wife? Is it something you can live with? I did ask him whether it would be better if I just let him be to try and get his marriage mended, but he said he was unhappy with it when we met, and he's still unhappy with it now, so be being around makes no difference.

Have you got lots to do atm? May I ask, are you in a position where you are meeting new people...not just men, but including men who if you are unattached might be interesting to you? No, I don't do anything thats massively sociable, I work in a female only office, do an exercise class once a week, and volunteer twice a week working in peoples homes. Go out with my friends once or twice a month. That's it really!

edit: PTN do you have nice things planned for the weekend/tonight? If not...why not do something you wouldn't normally do? Something that will be fun and social and even a little glamourous?

Nothing planned so far, but will have both children at home again, so I'm hoping to go and do something nice with them

cheepskate wrote: »

Again , you act like a good little mistress, doing as your told and keeping quiet.. <- no I don't!

You keep insisting that he loves you. Thats because I know that he does If he did he would not need 2+ years and an ultimatum to decide.

Hes made it very plain to you, by not making his choice. I've not asked him to make a choice before

inmypocketnottheirs

Just remember saying it and meaning it are two separate things.

nickyhutch

Oh God, here we go again. Can we stop being picky and preachy and "I told you so"?

PTN, I think you've done absolutely the right thing. Get on with our life in the meantime, and I truly hope that you get what's right for you, whatever that might be.

POPPYOSCAR

Purpletoenails well done - it must have taken a lot of courage to do this.

I hope you are ok.

harrys_nan

ptn, hugs for you Not going to say anything except please put yourself 1st now

FatVonD

nickyhutch wrote: »

Oh God, here we go again. Can we stop being picky and preachy and "I told you so"?

What, even if it's true? Are we all supposed to pretend the Emporer's wearing clothes too just because you don't like the people who had an opposing opinion to yourself being proved right? Since when did you decide what people could and couldn't post?

[/end rant]

PTN, I do sympathise with you not having much chance to get out and meet someone new (been there, done that), I know you probably don't need the extra money but have you ever considered bar work as a way of getting out and meeting people? I've done it at many stages of my life and it gets you out of the house and meeting people (not just customers but other staff) and you get paid to be socialising in the same place you'd probably be paying to be in if you were out with friends.

nickyhutch

FatVonD wrote: »

Since when did you decide what people could and couldn't post?

[/end rant]

Hello Pot, meet Kettle.