Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

lostinrates wrote: »

Oh, I agree, very much.

I just want to make it clear that its possible to think PTN seems a decent person and to tell her so while also holding a very different POV as to what she's asking about. I think its a shame that a lot of people saying they think the situation is bad and the people involved in the wrong were seen as totally ''anti'' ptn as a person at one point.

Pollycat wrote: »

I see what you're saying.

There are 'other women' and 'other women'.

We've read on here about how some OW have behaved, turning up at family gatherings brandishing photos of nude husbands. :eek:

Some of the posts against PTN (and I think they were a minority and voiced by people who stumbled across this thread, chucked in their 2 pennorth and left - and probably not by the members who are still posting) were particularly nasty and uncalled for.

Some of the posts could perhaps have been phrased better, because a few people did come across as very nasty indeed, and it was obvious that this was a subject that they had strong, or even extreme, views on.

have-hope wrote: »

He may have fallen out of love with his wife (and I do accept people change) however he could have made a decision to end the marriage - what are his reasons for not doing so? Did you know he was married when you started the relationship? This isn't about blaming you but I believe that when a man (or woman) is having an affair they are capable of being very manipulative and deceitful. How do you know the real him?

I have not explicitly asked him why he is still married, but from how he talks sometimes I get the impression the children are an important factor. And yes I did know he was married.

gratefulforhelp_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

Some of the posts could perhaps have been phrased better, because a few people did come across as very nasty indeed, and it was obvious that this was a subject that they had strong, or even extreme, views on.

I don't want to start up that particular argument again...but for many, the view that an affair with a married person is ok, is the extreme view.

Not that I have seen you personally express that.

harrys_nan

PTN, when is meet up day??
I wish that you, except that you can do better andwalk away and go on to have a happy life, or he does decide at last that you are the one and tells his wife its time for a divorce and you make a go of things with each other.
What ever happens I'm sure you will have a happy life

Bogof_Babe

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I don't want to start up that particular argument again...but for many, the view that an affair with a married person is ok, is the extreme view.

Not that I have seen you personally express that.

Maybe the confusion is that PTN didn't ever view her liaison as an affair, more a courtship that in due course would lead to marriage once the formalities of leaving his wife were sorted out. Only it's just that he seems to have had other ideas, possibly never intending to make his relationship with PTN official, and now the two of them are at cross purposes.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong. But it would explain the current situation.

essexgirly

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Maybe the confusion is that PTN didn't ever view her liaison as an affair, more a courtship that in due course would lead to marriage once the formalities of leaving his wife were sorted out. Only it's just that he seems to have had other ideas, possibly never intending to make his relationship with PTN official, and now the two of them are at cross purposes.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong. But it would explain the current situation.

I for one, think you are so right. PTN seems such a lovely person, and I think a case of cross wires has somewhere happened in this relationship, and I don't say relationship lightly, because that has what has evolved between these two people, but albeit with different agendas, and now that crossroads has been reached. What happens?

I understand PTN for not giving ultimatums, she does not want to force him into something, she wants him to walk into it willingly and with his choice and of his own assumption, because he wants to and not because he has to, anything other than that I think she would assume as forced (for what of a better expression). Only after that discussion with him, will she make her decision.

PTN, I wish you well

purpletoenails

harrys_nan wrote: »

PTN, when is meet up day??
I wish that you, except that you can do better andwalk away and go on to have a happy life, or he does decide at last that you are the one and tells his wife its time for a divorce and you make a go of things with each other.
What ever happens I'm sure you will have a happy life

Thank you We are meeting this Thursday

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Maybe the confusion is that PTN didn't ever view her liaison as an affair, more a courtship that in due course would lead to marriage once the formalities of leaving his wife were sorted out. Only it's just that he seems to have had other ideas, possibly never intending to make his relationship with PTN official, and now the two of them are at cross purposes.

Or maybe I'm completely wrong. But it would explain the current situation.

essexgirly wrote: »

I for one, think you are so right. PTN seems such a lovely person, and I think a case of cross wires has somewhere happened in this relationship, and I don't say relationship lightly, because that has what has evolved between these two people, but albeit with different agendas, and now that crossroads has been reached. What happens?

I understand PTN for not giving ultimatums, she does not want to force him into something, she wants him to walk into it willingly and with his choice and of his own assumption, because he wants to and not because he has to, anything other than that I think she would assume as forced (for what of a better expression). Only after that discussion with him, will she make her decision.

PTN, I wish you well

Its funny really, our relationship just sort of evolved slowly, from friends, to more than friends but not quite lovers, to what it is now. I never really had any expectations of what would happen long term, but as my feelings got stronger I started to want more than he was able to give me. And that's where the problem is now.

victory

Will be thinking of you this thursday then:D

harrys_nan

victory wrote: »

Will be thinking of you this thursday then:D

and me, hope all goes well for you x

erdd2

Reggie256 wrote: »

What an arrogant, condescending person you are! I have no time for self-appointed moderators. I won't dignify any more of your conceited posts with an answer - go and sneer at someone else with your messageboard police routine.

Needless to say, so far as the actual thread subject is concerned, I do hope that PTN manages to resolve this matter one way or another.

What an "insightful" load of !!!!!!!!

erdd2

purpletoenails wrote: »

I think I need to start putting myself and my happiness first. I've let things drift along for far too long.

You appear to have put a lot of time, energy an thought into the situation in recent weeks and I do again wish all of you involved the best possible outcome and commend you for your substance and staying power in dealing with this. Best wishes