Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Reggie256

erdd2 wrote: »

You fail to see how to what?

There was no inference that your opinion is anything. I quoted the contrast between your opening and closing points noting that those in between had been raised and promulgated...hence the ?????

Well, this thread isn't about me and my inability to complete a sentence without contradicting myself. Simply wanted to pass on my sympathy to Purpletoenails, and hope that she gets the matter resolved one way or the other.

purpletoenails

erdd2 wrote: »

How are you today PTN?

CH27 wrote: »

I suspect that you know it's over & are grieving for your hopes & dreams for your future together.
I hope for your sake you can bring yourself to end it sooner rather later to save you more pain.

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Another thing, if you do the finishing you get to leave with your dignity intact. If you give him the ultimatum and he chooses his wife, not only have you lost him, but you've also lost the moral high ground of taking control of your future.

Well, he's back from his holiday and by all accounts had a nice time bar a few little upsets. We've spoken on the phone and confirmed which day we will meet next week.

We will talk as planned and as I have said before, I will not be giving him an ultimatum. I do want to hear what he has to say, whether it's what I would like to hear or not. I shall try and be mentally prepared so that I can walk away if I need to.

The tears, I think, are mainly down to the stress and all the fretting I've been doing. Plus of course, after a 6 week gap, nearly 3 of which there wasn't even any phone contact possible, I am missing him quite a lot.

Bogof_Babe

purpletoenails wrote: »

Well, he's back from his holiday and by all accounts had a nice time bar a few little upsets. We've spoken on the phone and confirmed which day we will meet next week.

We will talk as planned and as I have said before, I will not be giving him an ultimatum. I do want to hear what he has to say, whether it's what I would like to hear or not. I shall try and be mentally prepared so that I can walk away if I need to.

The tears, I think, are mainly down to the stress and all the fretting I've been doing. Plus of course, after a 6 week gap, nearly 3 of which there wasn't even any phone contact possible, I am missing him quite a lot.

Sounds like an ultimatum by any other name?

erdd2

Reggie256 wrote: »

Well, this thread isn't about me and my inability to complete a sentence without contradicting myself. Simply wanted to pass on my sympathy to Purpletoenails, and hope that she gets the matter resolved one way or the other.

Contradiction in multiple :eek:

Empathy would be more appropriate and helpful as would clarity

erdd2

purpletoenails wrote: »

Well, he's back from his holiday and by all accounts had a nice time bar a few little upsets. We've spoken on the phone and confirmed which day we will meet next week.

We will talk as planned and as I have said before, I will not be giving him an ultimatum. I do want to hear what he has to say, whether it's what I would like to hear or not. I shall try and be mentally prepared so that I can walk away if I need to.

The tears, I think, are mainly down to the stress and all the fretting I've been doing. Plus of course, after a 6 week gap, nearly 3 of which there wasn't even any phone contact possible, I am missing him quite a lot.

You are aware of my position and beliefs, but I do want to wish you well in "dealing" with this as it cannot be an easy place to be. That said, you appear to be a person of substance and no matter how all we strangers to you view this.....it is your life. I do truly wish you well.

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Sounds like an ultimatum by any other name?

I don't quite see it like that - I'm not telling him if he doesn't do x, y, or z then I'm going to break things off. I just want to know where he sees our relationship going, if anywhere. This will then enable me to make a decision as to whether I'm going to stick around or not.

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't quite see it like that - I'm not telling him if he doesn't do x, y, or z then I'm going to break things off. I just want to know where he sees our relationship going, if anywhere. This will then enable me to make a decision as to whether I'm going to stick around or not.

I do agree with Bogofbabe in that in reality this is an ultimatum in itself.
As if you do decide to break it off it will force him to evaluate your relationship seriously.

bonnie_bumpkins

I think I can see what PTN means re no ultimatum - she is not saying the outcome to scenario A will be this response, or the outcome to scenario B will be a different response, so make up your mind which.

Instead she is asking a question which she wants answered, and he has a choice as to how he answers it. Then she has a choice of what action to take.

I can see that he may see this as some sort of ultimatum but I think if that's his take on it then there's not much PTN can do about it; as she has not told him in advance what will happen if his answer is A, B or C, so she is doing all she can not to issue an ultimatum, which she seems very sure she does not want to do.

And I think this approach is harder emotionally as she can't really prepare herself (as she would do if there was a clear answer already 'out there' depending on a particular response) but I'm sure whatever she decides she will have the strength to see it through.

Sorry PTN this reads like I'm talking about you as if you weren't there - how rude

jonty1970

You deserve better. A man of your own who wants to be with you.
Like others have said - he would have left his wife by now.

Try a bit of dating and try to put this married man out of your mind for a while.
There are plenty of lovely "faithful" men out there.

This man is no good.

layton55

purpletoenails wrote: »

Well, he's back from his holiday and by all accounts had a nice time bar a few little upsets. We've spoken on the phone and confirmed which day we will meet next week.

We will talk as planned and as I have said before, I will not be giving him an ultimatum. I do want to hear what he has to say, whether it's what I would like to hear or not. I shall try and be mentally prepared so that I can walk away if I need to.

The tears, I think, are mainly down to the stress and all the fretting I've been doing. Plus of course, after a 6 week gap, nearly 3 of which there wasn't even any phone contact possible, I am missing him quite a lot.

good luck with your meet PTN. thinking of you. my AP is on a 2 week hol with his family too. the longest i we've gone without seeing each other (we work together). whenever he's gone on family hol in the past or whenever i've been away for a period, it's always awkward the next time we do see each other because of the adjustment. bear in mind he would have been fully immersed in 'family life' - be prepared he may well have had some nice moments too. my AP does tell me that it's just not right that when he's in another country with his family that he still thinks about me, what it'd be like if i were on holiday with him...it's all part of the 'escapism' we all go through though.

anyway, stay strong. whatever he has to say just be prepared for all possible outcomes. x