Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

I do actually feel like I'm going a bit nuts already, yesterday kept finding myself filling up with tears every so often - luckily it was sunglasses weather!

The problem is, I can't really imagine not seeing him ever again. Most of the time relationships end because of something that happens, or because you fall out of love or whatever, but that wouldn't be the case here. It would be easier to end things if we had a big row or I were to lose interest, if that makes sense.

I don't know if his wife suspects anything. If they were already distant, then perhaps she wouldn't notice? Maybe she's choosing to ignore it because she's not really bothered as long as her other needs are being met? I honestly don't know.

erdd2

purpletoenails wrote: »

I don't know if his wife suspects anything. If they were already distant, then perhaps she wouldn't notice? Maybe she's choosing to ignore it because she's not really bothered as long as her other needs are being met? I honestly don't know.

Those are big "if"'s PTN and as you say "you honestly don't know" but does the "other person" ever know?

Sorry to add other questions, but is it not nearly always the case that the spouse "doesn't understand me/fulfil my needs/care/etc" ... and if so...why is the adulterer not deploying as much time and energy in addressing this alleged issue as he/she is on pursuing an affair....is it the easier option, or the most gratifying option.....imo, it is the most selfish option.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

I do actually feel like I'm going a bit nuts already, yesterday kept finding myself filling up with tears every so often - luckily it was sunglasses weather!

The problem is, I can't really imagine not seeing him ever again. Most of the time relationships end because of something that happens, or because you fall out of love or whatever, but that wouldn't be the case here. It would be easier to end things if we had a big row or I were to lose interest, if that makes sense.

I don't know if his wife suspects anything. If they were already distant, then perhaps she wouldn't notice? Maybe she's choosing to ignore it because she's not really bothered as long as her other needs are being met? I honestly don't know.

May be she loves him and she too can't imagine not seeing him again, and feels invested not just herself but her children.....or maybe not. You can't know...maybe he doesn't even know.

Something HAS happened here, IMO. something has changed and that's that you have looked at the situation and realised its wanting.

I'm so sorry you are upset, its certainly not an enviable position you are in. You are a nice person from how you portray yourself here. You deserve someone you can spend time with, be with, share time with, introduce your kids too when ready, wake up with, get chicken soup in bed from when you are ill and expect a full and happy life with, with no constant reminder and recrimination from a ''frist'' family.

This might in the future be him. It might be if you call it off give him some time e MIGHT leave, and then you can start again, guilt free, without the decpeption and dishonesty, in a commited way. All of this is guess, guess, guessing. But its not guessing that this is not enough for you and not fair on others.

gratefulforhelp_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

The problem is, I can't really imagine not seeing him ever again.

lostinrates beat me to saying that maybe his wife feels the same.

Lotus-eater

purpletoenails wrote: »

The problem is, I can't really imagine not seeing him ever again.

I thought I'd add my two pence worth as well.

You're plenty old enough now to know, that this is how we all feel when something is raw. But also, you know that we get over these things, because we always do.
Especially when we find someone else that does the same job without any of the restrictions.

jonty1970

When i am ill - my partner is there for me
When I am skint - he is there for me.

If I had an emergency -same thing, he is there for me.

What would he do, if you took ill and needed him there with you?

Some men like " a bit on the side" because it's cheaper than a prostitute or a hotel. He is having his cake and eating it

And you really have nothing from him.

Get out and find someone who really loves you and wants to be there for you!

Lotus-eater

jonty1970 wrote: »

Some men like " a bit on the side" because it's cheaper than a prostitute

and cleaner, nicer and more of his social class I'm guessing. He's also the type of guy who wants what he can't get from a prostitute, intellectual discussions with someone on the same level as him.

But yes, I'm afraid the basic premise is correct.

cheepskate_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

and cleaner,

Cleaner???? At least prostitutes get checked over occasionally, and a lot will insist on a condom.

Is this the case when someone has an affair .

UUUGGGG, just the thought of bodily fluids being passed to me an hour after he had been doing the same with the wife.

bugslet

I knew within weeks my OH was having an affair - not sure if that is me being switched on or him being carp at lying! - but likewise I've had friends that haven't realised for literally years.

PTN you say 'if they were already distant' and there goes the problem from your angle. How do you know? I went to see my O/H's tart ( sorry but that is what she was to me) and some of the things that he had told her were so far from the truth - and I'm talking measurable things, not opinions on personality. A relationship built on lies is never wholly truthful. He can lie to her, he can lie to you.

As lotus -eater says, you know that this hurt will fade if you can make the break. Until then you will be unhappy, his wife may be, and he is getting his cake with cherries on top.

Lotus-eater

cheepskate wrote: »

Cleaner???? At least prostitutes get checked over occasionally, and a lot will insist on a condom.

Is this the case when someone has an affair .

UUUGGGG, just the thought of bodily fluids being passed to me an hour after he had been doing the same with the wife.

I know which I'd prefer, a pro, or an affair/woman on the side who was monogamous to me, whether I was to her or not.
I'd go for the clean woman on the side, who would be cleaner than a pro, who would have a few guys a day. Lovely.