Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gratefulforhelp_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

He's been in touch since he's been away, which has surprised me somewhat as I really wasn't expecting to hear from him til he got home.

Maybe he senses your changing attitude to him?

Bogof_Babe

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Maybe he senses your changing attitude to him?

Maybe he's reading this thread :eek:.

BWZN93

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

If that's true, how absolutely dreadful to be his wife and unaware that the spotlight is on her and her marriage and family life depend on her behaviour there:eek:

Please forgive me for playing devils advocate here.....

But - Shouldn't everyone be assessing their relationship on a regular basis, if for nothing other than 'Is the relationship working effectively, and if not, what can I/we do to make it better'? Maybe if more people did reflect on their relationships and actively engage in preventing a relationship breakdown - maybe more people would stick together? Maybe everyone should put their own relationship under the spotlight every once in a while?

I know I've done it in the past towards the end of a relationship, or when I've had problems in one, but never when things are just OK. Maybe that's something I should maybe take forward if I ever manage to find myself in a relationship in future. Perhaps if I had looked at things more closely maybe I could have prevented a relationship or two of my own from breaking down. Its possibly too late to try and fix things once things have gone wrong?

Just a thought anyway....

POPPYOSCAR

jw1096 wrote: »

Please forgive me for playing devils advocate here.....

But - Shouldn't everyone be assessing their relationship on a regular basis, if for nothing other than 'Is the relationship working effectively, and if not, what can I/we do to make it better'? Maybe if more people did reflect on their relationships and actively engage in preventing a relationship breakdown - maybe more people would stick together? Maybe everyone should put their own relationship under the spotlight every once in a while?

I know I've done it in the past towards the end of a relationship, or when I've had problems in one, but never when things are just OK. Maybe that's something I should maybe take forward if I ever manage to find myself in a relationship in future. Perhaps if I had looked at things more closely maybe I could have prevented a relationship or two of my own from breaking down. Its possibly too late to try and fix things once things have gone wrong?

Just a thought anyway....

And a very good one at that.

gratefulforhelp_2

jw1096 wrote: »

Please forgive me for playing devils advocate here.....

But - Shouldn't everyone be assessing their relationship on a regular basis, if for nothing other than 'Is the relationship working effectively, and if not, what can I/we do to make it better'? Maybe if more people did reflect on their relationships and actively engage in preventing a relationship breakdown - maybe more people would stick together? Maybe everyone should put their own relationship under the spotlight every once in a while?

I know I've done it in the past towards the end of a relationship, or when I've had problems in one, but never when things are just OK. Maybe that's something I should maybe take forward if I ever manage to find myself in a relationship in future. Perhaps if I had looked at things more closely maybe I could have prevented a relationship or two of my own from breaking down. Its possibly too late to try and fix things once things have gone wrong?

Just a thought anyway....

Wise words. I wouldn't, however, say of a person who failed to do that "serves you right" or any similar sentiments.

I'm sure you wouldn't either?

Bogof_Babe

I'd call it an "ongoing basis" rather than a "regular basis" which implies making a special thing of it, e.g. every second Tuesday afternoon we assess our relationship.

I think most couples, especially longterm ones, are entitled to assume that all is well unless they are getting vibes to the contrary. I'm not sure how I'd go about assessing our relationship, because if something has gone adrift surely it would have been addressed at the time.

If I was to ask OH right now whether he's happy his flirtation is over and that he stuck with me, I'd be re-opening a can of worms, and it would annoy him intensely. Likewise if I ask him how he feels about our relationship it's one of those unanswerable questions isn't it?

How do you envisage PTN's bloke's wife approaching the subject? At best it would give them a chance to review their alleged "distance" and maybe agree to work on it, at worst it could push him into leaving her when he is still working through his feelings privately. It might turn out in PTN's favour, but I can't see how helpful to the marriage it would be.

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Maybe he's reading this thread :eek:.

I sure hope not!!

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

harrys_nan

PTN, when does he come back home and when will you see him again

purpletoenails

harrys_nan wrote: »

PTN, when does he come back home and when will you see him again

He's back the middle of next week and I'm meeting up with him the following week.

Nichelette

I'm not saying I condone anything, but my mum had an affair with a married man who was a boyfriend of hers when she was a teenager (at the time she was also married to my dad). This started back around 2005ish, and my parents ended up breaking up around their 21st anniversary.

Being a mummy's girl I wasn't impressed with this at all, and was always telling her she was an idiot, and the other party would never leave his wife. A few months ago he did, and is now living with my mum. Didn't expect it at all, still not sure what to think really, I guess I just wanted to say things sometimes turn out different to how people expect...