Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Marisco wrote: »

Then it's time to move on, he's not worth waiting for. You've made it too "comfy" for him, and he's not making any effort at all. Why should he, he's got an ideal (from his side) situation, all the comforts of home etc, and you to run to, when things get a bit hairy at home!!! He needs a good dose of reality, and only you can give it to him.

I just meant its an awful lot to give up and to risk losing. I do agree that it is comfy for him to have me to fall back on when he's feeling lonely or neglected or needs someone to talk to or wants some affection. I am in no doubt that he loves me, but like I said in my first post, this isn't always enough.

Whilst he's away it's given me some good thinking time, in addition to the posts on here, some of which have been incredibly helpful.

purpletoenails

CH27 wrote: »

PTN the tone of your posts seems to be changing.
I suspect you are very close to ending the relationship.

I certainly think that I'm in a better place mentally now to walk away if I need to

FatVonD

purpletoenails wrote: »

If he says to me that hes got no intention of ever leaving his marriage, and doesn't see a future for the 2 of us, then I shall be moving on.

But what if he says he has every intention of leaving his marriage but just not now? How long are you prepared to be kept hanging on?

Marisco

purpletoenails wrote: »

I certainly think that I'm in a better place mentally now to walk away if I need to

You do need to and if he really wants to be with you, he'll be ringing your bell, with a bin bag/suitcase full of clothes with him. And yes, I do speak from experience

Bogof_Babe

FatVonD wrote: »

But what if he says he has every intention of leaving his marriage but just not now? How long are you prepared to be kept hanging on?

PTN has he ever said he intends to leave his marriage for you eventually? Did he give any indication whatsoever of a time scale if so?

CH27

purpletoenails wrote: »

I certainly think that I'm in a better place mentally now to walk away if I need to

I think deep down you know you have to walk away.
Wishing you strength.

purpletoenails

FatVonD wrote: »

But what if he says he has every intention of leaving his marriage but just not now? How long are you prepared to be kept hanging on?

Not very long I don't think- months rather than years.

Marisco wrote: »

You do need to and if he really wants to be with you, he'll be ringing your bell, with a bin bag/suitcase full of clothes with him. And yes, I do speak from experience

I don't think he is likely to do this purely because he lives and works so far away, but I suppose it would spur him on to take action if he was going to.

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

PTN has he ever said he intends to leave his marriage for you eventually? Did he give any indication whatsoever of a time scale if so?

I've never asked specifically. However, early on when we were still just friends and I asked him why he put up with being unhappy, he said that his own parents divorce when he was a teenager had affected him quite badly and therefore would not leave while the children were still at home. He has also said more than once that he's made his bed and he has to lie in it for now.

lostinrates

purpletoenails wrote: »

He works very hard, sometimes 6 or 7 days a week to ensure that they all have a nice home and lifestyle. .

Just....sometimes his family think he's working and he's with you. The same could be true the other way around.

It might not be of course, but....my guess is that at least sometimes the ''hard work'' is an excuse, even if only one he makes to his wife to explain where he is.

GotNo£

Just one question for the OP:

Are you all Facebook friends?

purpletoenails

GotNo£ wrote: »

Just one question for the OP:

Are you all Facebook friends?

I have lots of friends on fb, and yes he is one of them, I don't think his wife uses it though.