Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

POPPYOSCAR

jw1096 wrote: »

P.S - sorry for the offensively long post! J x

jw1096

I admire your stamina!!!

bonnie_bumpkins

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

jw1096

I admire your stamina!!!

:rotfl:

I'm exhausted and I just sat and read it

BWZN93

I think the length of the thread must have subconsciously affected me, i feel like ive been reading it for days (I want to find out the ending you see) and I then just got typing.... You know how these things sometimes go! It is a bit of a war and peace though, Ill apologise again! x

purpletoenails

jw1096 wrote: »

P.S - sorry for the offensively long post! J x

It wasn't offensively long at all lol and thank you for taking the time to write it (and read through the thread!)

I agree that there is a difference between a fling and an affair, and I myself have no time for men who just go round getting a string of notches on their bedposts, hypocritical though that might sound given the circumstances.

I also agree that the longer an affair goes on the less likely it is that he will leave his wife. It is very comfy for him to have everything that he has at home, and me around for him as well.

The reason I don't want to issue an ultimatum is because if he wants to be with me, then I want it to be his choice, not because I've forced him to choose, if that makes sense?`

POPPYOSCAR

purpletoenails wrote: »

It wasn't offensively long at all lol and thank you for taking the time to write it (and read through the thread!)

I agree that there is a difference between a fling and an affair, and I myself have no time for men who just go round getting a string of notches on their bedposts, hypocritical though that might sound given the circumstances.

I also agree that the longer an affair goes on the less likely it is that he will leave his wife. It is very comfy for him to have everything that he has at home, and me around for him as well.

The reason I don't want to issue an ultimatum is because if he wants to be with me, then I want it to be his choice, not because I've forced him to choose, if that makes sense?`

Yes and no!!!!

What are you going to do if things just carry on the way they are?

Bogof_Babe

I can't believe the wife is still ignorant of his dalliance after all this time. Given the age of his kids, they must have reached that stage of marriage where instinct plays a big part. Maybe she doesn't want to face up to it because she can't imagine where they would go from there.

If he hasn't given away the slightest, teensiest clue at home, then either he must be an extremely good actor, or he has so compartmentalised PTN in his life that she never enters his thoughts, except when he needs another quick "fix". Either way I wouldn't say it augurs too well for PTN's chances of a future with him.

Errata

Maybe he's a bloody good liar.

POPPYOSCAR

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I can't believe the wife is still ignorant of his dalliance after all this time. Given the age of his kids, they must have reached that stage of marriage where instinct plays a big part. Maybe she doesn't want to face up to it because she can't imagine where they would go from there.

If he hasn't given away the slightest, teensiest clue at home, then either he must be an extremely good actor, or he has so compartmentalised PTN in his life that she never enters his thoughts, except when he needs another quick "fix". Either way I wouldn't say it augurs too well for PTN's chances of a future with him.

I think there could be variety of reasons for this.

Perhaps as you say she could know but not want to upset the apple cart/be bothered/want to lose her lifestyle.

Perhaps she has a very busy life and just does not have time to notice.


Perhaps she is having an affair herself.


As for the kids, well if mine are anything to go by, I could have several toy boys in tow and they would not have a clue!!!!They are only interested in what they are doing!!

Bogof_Babe

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

As for the kids, well if mine are anything to go by, I could have several toy boys in tow and they would not have a clue!!!!They are only interested in what they are doing!!

Lol what I meant was as the eldest child is 20(?) presumably they have been married at least 20 years, and in most cases couples do develop a sixth sense after such a long time. I and my OH will often start to say the exact same thing at the same time, or I'll just be thinking something and he'll say it.

Fwiw I had thought something was "different" for some time before I found concrete proof, but because I didn't think he was the type I brushed it aside as being in my imagination. I suppose the same thing could apply in OP's bloke's case, but he can never rest on his laurels - one careless moment or undeleted text and he's got a whole lot of explaining to do.

I suppose it could be part of the "not getting on" that they don't feel they have this rapport. I'm surprised it's mutual though, because if it genuinely has got to that stage you'd think both of them would be talking about whether they should stay together or cut their losses before they get any older.

He is very lucky that PTN is prepared to collude in deceiving his wife. Many OWs would be so determined to get their man that they wouldn't care who got hurt in the process. He must, however, worry constantly that she might have a few too many drinks one night and phone his home or something.

purpletoenails

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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Yes and no!!!!

What are you going to do if things just carry on the way they are?

If he says to me that hes got no intention of ever leaving his marriage, and doesn't see a future for the 2 of us, then I shall be moving on.

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I can't believe the wife is still ignorant of his dalliance after all this time. Given the age of his kids, they must have reached that stage of marriage where instinct plays a big part. Maybe she doesn't want to face up to it because she can't imagine where they would go from there.

If he hasn't given away the slightest, teensiest clue at home, then either he must be an extremely good actor, or he has so compartmentalised PTN in his life that she never enters his thoughts, except when he needs another quick "fix". Either way I wouldn't say it augurs too well for PTN's chances of a future with him.

I don't know what she thinks or what he says to her. I do gather that they don't talk a lot, so maybe she simply isn't interested in what he's doing, so doesn't bother to question him. I'm sure he does think about me, because I get random messages when he's at home, and he always messages me at bed time to say night, without fail, in addition to any contact we have had during the rest of the day.