Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

plumpmouse

purpletoenails wrote: »

We met when we were both on a day's training. People from several diffferent companies were there and it was spread over 3 consecutive weeks. We were in a small groups of 6 that gelled really well and kept in touch afterwards.

I can't imagine that he would have had any reason at all to mention me at home. From what I can tell their relationship hasn't changed since I've known him.

The bit I have bolded speaks volumes to me!

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

PTN I'd also hazard a guess that his wife does know about it, and that could even be why she has become withdrawn and uncommunicative, giving the impression that she doesn't care about him any more.

plumpmouse wrote: »

The bit I have bolded speaks volumes to me!

I was referring to the above post - she was already like that from what I could tell, but I know what you're saying!

plumpmouse

purpletoenails wrote: »

I was referring to the above post - she was already like that from what I could tell, but I know what you're saying!

Ahh I see!

I do wonder why he doesn't leave and can't imagine him doing from all of read.

I do hope you move on from this as I agree with posters who have said how well you have conducted yourself during this thread.

Bogof_Babe

If he was really in love with you he wouldn't be able to stop himself telling people about you. Maybe for the first couple of months while he got his ducks in a row regarding leaving, but after all this time it seems clear you are a very small and somewhat insignificant part of his life, to be fitted in when it suits him.

Sorry PTN, I really like you despite your position in all this, but the truth hurts and it might even help you with your decision to hear it in stark reality.

Have you had previous love relationships, ones where the other person was free to be with you? If so how did they compare with this one? I can't see why a nice person like you would keep on being prepared to be second best for so long.

Why did your marriage split up? Was there another woman?

purpletoenails

plumpmouse wrote: »

Ahh I see!

I do wonder why he doesn't leave and can't imagine him doing from all of read.

I do hope you move on from this as I agree with posters who have said how well you have conducted yourself during this thread.

I do believe that he hasn't told anyone because of a conversation we had one day when he was asking me what my friends thought about me seeing a married man. He said I was lucky I could talk to other people about it because he only had me to talk to about what was happening. He also said it was finding all the secrecy very stressful.

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

If he was really in love with you he wouldn't be able to stop himself telling people about you. Maybe for the first couple of months while he got his ducks in a row regarding leaving, but after all this time it seems clear you are a very small and somewhat insignificant part of his life, to be fitted in when it suits him.

Sorry PTN, I really like you despite your position in all this, but the truth hurts and it might even help you with your decision to hear it in stark reality.

Have you had previous love relationships, ones where the other person was free to be with you? If so how did they compare with this one? I can't see why a nice person like you would keep on being prepared to be second best for so long.

Why did your marriage split up? Was there another woman?

I guess he's not telling anyone as all his close friends are 'coupley' friends so it would be too risky.

I do hate being second best/low down the list - it's rather unpleasant, particularly as I try to make him high priority when I can. I understand why I can't be top of the list because he has a lot more going on than I do, even though I know he sometimes has to make a great deal of effort to see me, but it does grate at times.

Yes I've been married and had other relationships too. My marriage basically ended because we had got married far too young, and it lasted all of 5 minutes before we realised, and separated after a couple of years.

Truthfully when I spend time with this man, there's no one else I'd rather be with. And the others that came before can't hold a candle to him in terms of how he makes me feel. And that's why I'm going to find it so hard if I have to let him go.

bonnie_bumpkins

purpletoenails wrote: »

Truthfully when I spend time with this man, there's no one else I'd rather be with. And the others that came before can't hold a candle to him in terms of how he makes me feel. And that's why I'm going to find it so hard if I have to let him go.

Do you believe it is possible to find someone who makes you feel even better?

I say this because when you were in previous relationships - which I'm assuming were happy - you didn't know that your current relationship was going to happen. So... could there be even more happiness round the corner? What is your gut feeling?

Jokey34

Again I was unable to read back the responses to your thread, but I just wonder if you find this man attractive because he is not always available, so to speak, and because you have not been able to feel that ‘familiarity’ that married (or co-habiting) couples do. I believe that the shine and excitement do wear off at some point, and this is probably why he’s taken his wife for granted and pursued his affair. If you end up having a ‘happy ending’ to your affair, the roles could be reversed, and you could become that ‘fooled’ wife/GF? I am not saying this is what will happen and I maybe wrong, but it feels like a no-win no-win situation with a man who is happy to have an affair.
If my man was to cheat on me now, what would infuriate me more than his betrayal is the fact that by hiding his affair, he did not let me find a man who would make me happier.
I wish you all the best but I think that you deserve a man who loves you fully.

purpletoenails

bonnie_bumpkins wrote: »

Do you believe it is possible to find someone who makes you feel even better?

I say this because when you were in previous relationships - which I'm assuming were happy - you didn't know that your current relationship was going to happen. So... could there be even more happiness round the corner? What is your gut feeling?

Well at the moment, I can't even imagine wanting to be with anyone else, let alone someone that could make me feel happier.

But if this comes to an end, it obviously wasnt meant to be, and then who knows what other wonderful things life might have in store for me?

purpletoenails

Jokey34 wrote: »

I just wonder if you find this man attractive because he is not always available, so to speak, and because you have not been able to feel that ‘familiarity’ that married (or co-habiting) couples do.

Because he's never been 'available', it's quite hard to answer this question, but I'm as sure as I can be that I would find him equally appealing if he were to become single.

Pollycat

RichGold wrote: »

And she should at least have a moral obligation to herself that she isn't the one causing problems for someone else. @Pollycat - Have you actually read what you've written? You cant justify sleeping with a married man just because you're single. That's preposterous.

There is every chance that if this man wasn't knocking off with the OP, he'd be knocking off elsewhere. Has the OP thought about that? If so, I wonder how she feels about it? (knowing she's just "filling a gap" in the married mans timetable)

Of course I've read what I've written.

My reply was in response to this post below:

petrolhead89 wrote: »

Yes - she is as bad as him..how can you argue that? She know's he's married. .........You heard ;-)..........

where I was pointing out that it is he who has the obligations to someone else, so no, I don't believe she is as bad as he is.
I wasn't justifying sleeping with a married man at all.

I never said the OP was totally blameless as I don't believe she is - and she knows it.

You can't know (as nobody on here can know) if the OP is "just filling a gap" or not.