Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gonzo127

purpletoenails wrote: »

I can't imagine that he would have had any reason at all to mention me at home. From what I can tell their relationship hasn't changed since I've known him.

purpletoenails wrote: »

I do believe that he hasn't told anyone because of a conversation we had one day when he was asking me what my friends thought about me seeing a married man. He said I was lucky I could talk to other people about it because he only had me to talk to about what was happening. He also said it was finding all the secrecy very stressful

Couple of things jumped out to me there, so basically his relationship with his wife hasn’t changed, even after 2 ½ years of not loving her but actually loving someone else?

Also he finds it all very stressful, but it’s still going on after 2 ½ years with no change in sight (from him)?

Also what on earth does he tell his wife every few weeks when he comes to see you? (Probably missed this as I can’t imagine no one has asked yet in the thread)

I really do agree with most posters here this guy is a lying manipulative man who you really can do so much better than as you do come across as quite a nice person (affairs aside of course )

I really can’t see what you see in this guy (unless he is hung like a donkey and can wield it like Casanova), currently with what I have read so far in the thread I would actually put money on the fact he wont leave his wife.

Personally I think it might be worth your while to actually try and start dating again, sign up with one or 2 online dating sites and see what happens, really even if you don’t find someone you like on them, it might make this guy realise he is running the risk of losing you which might make him act, as currently he has no reason to change the status quo, although the other thing could be that he says he still wants to see you, even behind the other guys backs – in which case you will know he has only ever seen you as a play thing

gratefulforhelp_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

It probably sounds ridiculous to anyone reading this, but I didn't set out to have an affair.

It doesn't sound at all ridiculous, I'm sure not many people do set out to have affairs.

purpletoenails wrote: »

However I think that my usual good sense is returning and that is why I am here

Hope so.

1echidna

This thread has had good patches however it reverts to type
- when people extrapolate from their own experience
- when people jump to conclusions
- when people try to dictate what the OP should do
I hope the OP recognises the above for the load of rubbish it is.

Pollycat

1echidna wrote: »

This thread has had good patches however it reverts to type
- when people extrapolate from their own experience
- when people jump to conclusions
- when people try to dictate what the OP should do

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

1echidna wrote: »

I hope the OP recognises the above for the load of rubbish it is.

You said it........ :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Bogof_Babe

I think we can "extrapolate" that 1echidna approves of those people who are either having an affair or saying there's nothing wrong with doing so.

Guilty as charged of citing my own experience, however it appears that unlike some people the OP is open to hearing and considering all the angles, not just her personal position.

1echidna

Mustn't use any rude words - Andrea doesn't like it.

poet123

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I think we can "extrapolate" that 1echidna approves of those people who are either having an affair or saying there's nothing wrong with doing so.

Guilty as charged of citing my own experience, however it appears that unlike some people the OP is open to hearing and considering all the angles, not just her personal position.

l


Well he would, wouldn't he?;)

Kulafey

Just wanted to add my experience - Me and my OH met on holiday, we were both married to other people and lived 5000 miles apart.There was an instant, strong attraction and we started an internet "friendship" and met up twice over the next 6 months. Then, for various reasons we broke it off - mainly because I didn't believe he would leave his wife, he couldn't see how the practicalites would work - him in Canada, me in the Uk etc. I also went a little loopy - phoning him late at night drunk and crying etc ( how embarrassing). I was so sure that if he split with his wife he would be with me that I sent her pictures of us together, chat logs of conversations we had, copies of hotel reservations etc.
It didn't work, he broke off all contact with me as he was so angry, and she forgave him and they stayed together. I confessed all to my husband and we tried to fix things.
2 years later, I finally broke up with my husband. I decided I would try one last time to get back in contact and sent a very calm email - if you are still with your wife and happy, please ignore this, if not here's my number sort of thing. 2 hours later he called me and told me he had been unable to stop thinking about me, but had been unable to contact me. - I had changed my phone numbers and email addresses at my husband's insistance. He had left his wife 6 months previously as they were both very unhappy - I don't know how much of that was to do with my email to her and how much was just that they had been unhappy for years.
Anyway, we started talking on the computer and phone again and 3 weeks later he came to see me, then 7 weeks after that he came again, proposed to me - I accepted, then we went on holiday to LA and I just went home with him to Canada. We stayed there a year, decided to have a baby, I got pregnant and then we moved back to the UK. We have a beautiful 4 month old baby boy, our wedding date set for next year and are deliriously happy.
I'm sure many will judge me and I admit, my behaviour left a lot to be desired, but would I do it again? Absolutely I would - I was meant to be with this guy and I knew it the second we met. The only thing we both regret is the wasted 2 years - we would have loved more children, but as I'm 41, we're pushing it - those 2 yeras would have allowed us more time together, before the rush to have babies before it was too late.
Do I worry he will do the same to me? - Not really, no. we both know what we're capable of doing, but we know why we did it and hopefully can avoid the same patterns. I also wouldn't give him the same opportunities to cheat!! lol (when we met, he was on holiday with a friend, on a carribean island, with unlimited free booze - his wife didn't want to go...what was she THINKING??) But seriously, I don't think he would and I know I would never cheat on him. We were made for each other and its just a shame that people got hurt and the situation was so complicated. But in the end, it worked out fine.

shellsuit

I was so sure that if he split with his wife he would be with me that I sent her pictures of us together, chat logs of conversations we had, copies of hotel reservations etc.

That's just vile and nasty. What had that woman ever done to you???

You might have the man now, but where's your respect?

Errata

We were made for each other

You certainly were, and I'm sure you deserve each other.