Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

cheepskate_2

Kalefay, what a lovely story (roll eyes). BUT he did not leave his wife for you, they broke up due to the strain you put them under by your kiss and tell- no doubt about that.
What you have to ask , is would he ever have left his wife for you.

As for " i would never give him the opportunity to cheat"- not a lot of trust there, then - is there?

CH27

Kulafey wrote: »

Just wanted to add my experience - Me and my OH met on holiday, we were both married to other people and lived 5000 miles apart.There was an instant, strong attraction and we started an internet "friendship" and met up twice over the next 6 months. Then, for various reasons we broke it off - mainly because I didn't believe he would leave his wife, he couldn't see how the practicalites would work - him in Canada, me in the Uk etc. I also went a little loopy - phoning him late at night drunk and crying etc ( how embarrassing). I was so sure that if he split with his wife he would be with me that I sent her pictures of us together, chat logs of conversations we had, copies of hotel reservations etc.
It didn't work, he broke off all contact with me as he was so angry, and she forgave him and they stayed together. I confessed all to my husband and we tried to fix things.
2 years later, I finally broke up with my husband. I decided I would try one last time to get back in contact and sent a very calm email - if you are still with your wife and happy, please ignore this, if not here's my number sort of thing. 2 hours later he called me and told me he had been unable to stop thinking about me, but had been unable to contact me. - I had changed my phone numbers and email addresses at my husband's insistance. He had left his wife 6 months previously as they were both very unhappy - I don't know how much of that was to do with my email to her and how much was just that they had been unhappy for years.
Anyway, we started talking on the computer and phone again and 3 weeks later he came to see me, then 7 weeks after that he came again, proposed to me - I accepted, then we went on holiday to LA and I just went home with him to Canada. We stayed there a year, decided to have a baby, I got pregnant and then we moved back to the UK. We have a beautiful 4 month old baby boy, our wedding date set for next year and are deliriously happy.
I'm sure many will judge me and I admit, my behaviour left a lot to be desired, but would I do it again? Absolutely I would - I was meant to be with this guy and I knew it the second we met. The only thing we both regret is the wasted 2 years - we would have loved more children, but as I'm 41, we're pushing it - those 2 yeras would have allowed us more time together, before the rush to have babies before it was too late.
Do I worry he will do the same to me? - Not really, no. we both know what we're capable of doing, but we know why we did it and hopefully can avoid the same patterns. I also wouldn't give him the same opportunities to cheat!! lol (when we met, he was on holiday with a friend, on a carribean island, with unlimited free booze - his wife didn't want to go...what was she THINKING??) But seriously, I don't think he would and I know I would never cheat on him. We were made for each other and its just a shame that people got hurt and the situation was so complicated. But in the end, it worked out fine.

What a sad story.

euronorris

1echidna wrote: »

This thread has had good patches however it reverts to type
- when people extrapolate from their own experience
- when people jump to conclusions
- when people try to dictate what the OP should do
I hope the OP recognises the above for the load of rubbish it is.

People sitting on both sides of the fence, are guilty of the above in bold.

As are you, my dear.

Everyone is guilty of drawing on personal experience. Even if we think we aren't. It plays it's part consciously or sub consciously.

The OP has already demonstrated a brilliant ability to extract the good advice from the bad, and ignore nasty comments (or respond to them very politely), so I'm sure she is fine.

a1969baby

cheepskate wrote: »

Kalefay, what a lovely story (roll eyes). BUT he did not leave his wife for you, they broke up due to the strain you put them under by your kiss and tell- no doubt about that.
What you have to ask , is would he ever have left his wife for you.

As for " i would never give him the opportunity to cheat"- not a lot of trust there, then - is there?

A lot of people earlier in this thread suggested that the wife had a right to know her husband had been seeing another woman, in order that she could make an informed decision as to whether she wished to stay in the marriage. I agree that the way the wife found out was not ideal in this situation, preferably the husband should have been the one to tell her, but I doubt this would be the case in many affairs. I'm guessing the majority of wives 'find out' from other sources, rather than being told outright by their husbands.

There is no way of ever knowing in this case whether the husband would have left anyway!

shellsuit

a1969baby wrote: »

A lot of people earlier in this thread suggested that the wife had a right to know her husband had been seeing another woman, in order that she could make an informed decision as to whether she wished to stay in the marriage. I agree that the way the wife found out was not ideal in this situation, preferably the husband should have been the one to tell her, but I doubt this would be the case in many affairs. I'm guessing the majority of wives 'find out' from other sources, rather than being told outright by their husbands.

There is no way of ever knowing in this case whether the husband would have left anyway!

Then what's wrong with a phone call, face to face or an email, saying, "look, I'm seeing your husband"?

Why "sent her pictures of us together, chat logs of conversations we had, copies of hotel reservations etc." ??

That is cruel and disgusting behaviour. She may aswell just stabbed the wife through the heart with a big old rusty knife.

The poster has 7 (or is it 8 now?) children, so I'm suprised they had the time and money to swan to and from the UK to Canada.

They're having a big wedding, with lots of expensive entertainment, but the poster is shocked at people who spend £200 on a child for Christmas??

Yes I did look through her posts, because at first, I thought it was a wind up!

It either is a wind up or someone really needs to get their priorities in order.

a1969baby

a1969baby wrote: »

A lot of people earlier in this thread suggested that the wife had a right to know her husband had been seeing another woman, in order that she could make an informed decision as to whether she wished to stay in the marriage. I agree that the way the wife found out was not ideal in this situation, preferably the husband should have been the one to tell her, but I doubt this would be the case in many affairs. I'm guessing the majority of wives 'find out' from other sources, rather than being told outright by their husbands.

There is no way of ever knowing in this case whether the husband would have left anyway!

shellsuit wrote: »

Then what's wrong with a phone call, face to face or an email, saying, "look, I'm seeing your husband"?

Why "sent her pictures of us together, chat logs of conversations we had, copies of hotel reservations etc." ??

I agreed that it wasn't the best way for the wife to find out!!

And people do have different priorities about what to spend money on - if I had that many children, I don't suppose I'd be able (or willing) to spend £200 on each of them either. But that's really not what's being discussed on this thread is it?

cheepskate_2

a1969baby wrote: »

There is no way of ever knowing in this case whether the husband would have left anyway!

EEErrr, when found out he choose the wife.

Errata

shellsuit wrote: »

Then what's wrong with a phone call, face to face or an email, saying, "look, I'm seeing your husband"?

Why "sent her pictures of us together, chat logs of conversations we had, copies of hotel reservations etc." ??

That is cruel and disgusting behaviour. She may aswell just stabbed the wife through the heart with a big old rusty knife.

The poster has 7 (or is it 8 now?) children, so I'm suprised they had the time and money to swan to and from the UK to Canada.

They're having a big wedding, with lots of expensive entertainment, but the poster is shocked at people who spend £200 on a child for Christmas??

Yes I did look through her posts, because at first, I thought it was a wind up!

It either is a wind up or someone really needs to get their priorities in order.

I must admit that's not the phrase that sprung to my mind when I read the post. My thinking was more along the lines of "hide the bunny".

a1969baby

cheepskate wrote: »

Kalefay, what a lovely story (roll eyes). BUT he did not leave his wife for you, they broke up due to the strain you put them under by your kiss and tell- no doubt about that.
What you have to ask , is would he ever have left his wife for you.

As for " i would never give him the opportunity to cheat"- not a lot of trust there, then - is there?

cheepskate wrote: »

EEErrr, when found out he choose the wife.

Sorry it was you that asked the question - and yes, he chose the wife when he was found out. If she hadn't found out, we've no way of knowing whether or not he would have left anyway!

Pollycat

I think Kulafey was pretty brave, naive or plain daft for posting such a graphic description of how she came to be with her current chap - she was sure to get 'flamed' for her actions and probably quite rightly so.

My sympathies lie totally with her ex and her current bloke's ex, I couldn't bring myself to say 'Ahh, how nice for you both that love worked out for you'.

Maybe it wasn't so much the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about her but more to do with the absolute damage Kulafey had inflicted on their marriage by sending proof of their affair to his wife.

It must be bad enough to find out that your partner is having an affair without his 'bit on the side' sending photographs of them together and hotel bills for nights spent together.

I don't want to make PTN out to be a saint (and I may be totally wrong about this) but FWIW, I can't see PTN stooping so low as to do those actions described by Kulafey.