Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Bogof_Babe

I'm shocked that the last person who revealed her story got any Thanks at all, but there you go. It all seems to come back to "I'm alright Jack". The idea that just because you happen to fall for someone else it negates all the promises you made to your wife/husband strikes me as being the height of selfishness. Falling in love isn't like getting a critical illness, i.e. it doesn't HAVE to be acted on if you choose otherwise. You do have the choice to leave well alone, you don't have to cast all responsibility to the winds.

Going back to the OP, something that just occurred to me and I don't think has been mentioned yet (apologies if it has) - her man friend is 50 I think, which is the height of incipient midlife crisis time. He may be having such a crisis, and using the devotion of PTN to validate his feelings about himself as much as about her. If this is the case, sadly anyone who gazed at him with adoration and hung on his every word would probably have done the trick for him.

I think poor PTN is a vulnerable woman who means well but was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and will not find her own happiness as a result of this liaison. I am almost certain that once she puts her ultimatum to him she won't see him for dust, if he believes she means it.

poet123

Pollycat wrote: »

I think Kulafey was pretty brave, naive or plain daft for posting such a graphic description of how she came to be with her current chap - she was sure to get 'flamed' for her actions and probably quite rightly so.

My sympathies lie totally with her ex and her current bloke's ex, I couldn't bring myself to say 'Ahh, how nice for you both that love worked out for you'.

Maybe it wasn't so much the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about her but more to do with the absolute damage Kulafey had inflicted on their marriage by sending proof of their affair to his wife.

It must be bad enough to find out that your partner is having an affair without his 'bit on the side' sending photographs of them together and hotel bills for nights spent together.

I don't want to make PTN out to be a saint (and I may be totally wrong about this) but FWIW, I can't see PTN stooping so low as to do those actions described by Kulafey.

And with six (now seven, and more wanted:eek:) children caught in the crossfire.

Lotus-eater

Seven children... she's not that orrible woman off wife swap is she :rotfl:


Back to the subject.. Am I right in thinking the OP hasn't seen her married bloke since the thread started? Not much of a life is it?

AMIDAFT

purple walk away hun you will never have him n if you did whats to say you could make him faithful, walk away with your dignity

Fritillary

Kulafey wrote: »

Just wanted to add my experience - Me and my OH met on holiday, we were both married to other people and lived 5000 miles apart.There was an instant, strong attraction and we started an internet "friendship" and met up twice over the next 6 months. Then, for various reasons we broke it off - mainly because I didn't believe he would leave his wife, he couldn't see how the practicalites would work - him in Canada, me in the Uk etc. I also went a little loopy - phoning him late at night drunk and crying etc ( how embarrassing). I was so sure that if he split with his wife he would be with me that I sent her pictures of us together, chat logs of conversations we had, copies of hotel reservations etc.
It didn't work, he broke off all contact with me as he was so angry, and she forgave him and they stayed together. I confessed all to my husband and we tried to fix things.
2 years later, I finally broke up with my husband. I decided I would try one last time to get back in contact and sent a very calm email - if you are still with your wife and happy, please ignore this, if not here's my number sort of thing. 2 hours later he called me and told me he had been unable to stop thinking about me, but had been unable to contact me. - I had changed my phone numbers and email addresses at my husband's insistance. He had left his wife 6 months previously as they were both very unhappy - I don't know how much of that was to do with my email to her and how much was just that they had been unhappy for years.
Anyway, we started talking on the computer and phone again and 3 weeks later he came to see me, then 7 weeks after that he came again, proposed to me - I accepted, then we went on holiday to LA and I just went home with him to Canada. We stayed there a year, decided to have a baby, I got pregnant and then we moved back to the UK. We have a beautiful 4 month old baby boy, our wedding date set for next year and are deliriously happy.
I'm sure many will judge me and I admit, my behaviour left a lot to be desired, but would I do it again? Absolutely I would - I was meant to be with this guy and I knew it the second we met. The only thing we both regret is the wasted 2 years - we would have loved more children, but as I'm 41, we're pushing it - those 2 yeras would have allowed us more time together, before the rush to have babies before it was too late.
Do I worry he will do the same to me? - Not really, no. we both know what we're capable of doing, but we know why we did it and hopefully can avoid the same patterns. I also wouldn't give him the same opportunities to cheat!! lol (when we met, he was on holiday with a friend, on a carribean island, with unlimited free booze - his wife didn't want to go...what was she THINKING??) But seriously, I don't think he would and I know I would never cheat on him. We were made for each other and its just a shame that people got hurt and the situation was so complicated. But in the end, it worked out fine.

Your post made me so sad.
My OH had an affair on and off for four years without my knowledge. In the end she tried to force his hand by contacting me and telling me everything and I mean everything. Holidays they went on (backed up with photos) receipts, emails, things he'd said about me, how she dressed up for him and intimate details of their bedroom antics. She wanted to destroy me and you know what? she nearly did. I suffered with depression and still have panic attacks which have really affected my everyday life. Its been very difficult coming to terms with it all and I dont think i ever will.
I'm still with my OH and trying to work through it.

I wonder if you realise the damage you did to his wife or even care?

Pollycat

Fritillary wrote: »

Your post made me so sad.
My OH had an affair on and off for four years without my knowledge. In the end she tried to force his hand by contacting me and telling me everything and I mean everything. Holidays they went on (backed up with photos) receipts, emails, things he'd said about me, how she dressed up for him and intimate details of their bedroom antics. She wanted to destroy me and you know what? she nearly did. I suffered with depression and still have panic attacks which have really affected my everyday life. Its been very difficult coming to terms with it all and I dont think i ever will.
I'm still with my OH and trying to work through it.

I wonder if you realise the damage you did to his wife or even care?

Your post made me so sad too, Fritillary - but for very different reasons than your sadness at Kulafey's post.

I speculated in my last post about the damage that doing something like that could do to a wife (or husband, I guess), your post makes it perfectly clear just how dreadful those actions probably were to Kulafey's current partner's wife-at-the-time.

My heart goes out to you and I hope that life gives you what you deserve.

purpletoenails

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't want to make PTN out to be a saint (and I may be totally wrong about this) but FWIW, I can't see PTN stooping so low as to do those actions described by Kulafey.

No, there's no way I could ever do that, no matter how upset/furious/heartbroken I was feeling.

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I'm shocked that the last person who revealed her story got any Thanks at all, but there you go. I thanked her for sharing her story, I thought it was brave considering the responses I knew would follow it.

Going back to the OP, something that just occurred to me and I don't think has been mentioned yet (apologies if it has) - her man friend is 50 I think, which is the height of incipient midlife crisis time. He may be having such a crisis, and using the devotion of PTN to validate his feelings about himself as much as about her. If this is the case, sadly anyone who gazed at him with adoration and hung on his every word would probably have done the trick for him.

I think poor PTN is a vulnerable woman who means well but was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and will not find her own happiness as a result of this liaison. I am almost certain that once she puts her ultimatum to him she won't see him for dust, if he believes she means it.

Perhaps you are right about a mid life crisis - I have no previous experience with men of this age, so I'm not an expert in predicting what their motivation might be.

I don't think I'm vulnerable at all, I generally take very little nonsense from anyone. You're right that I may not find lasting happiness from this relationship, but I have no idea what he would do if I issued him with an ultimatum.

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Seven children... she's not that orrible woman off wife swap is she :rotfl:


Back to the subject.. Am I right in thinking the OP hasn't seen her married bloke since the thread started? Not much of a life is it?

Yes I have, and was also due to see him last week, but had to cancel.

Bogof_Babe

Do those who have read Kulafey's and Fritillary's posts still feel that the other woman is 100% not to be blamed for the collateral damage an affair causes? That it's ALL the wandering husband's fault?

nickyhutch

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Do those who have read Kulafey's and Fritillary's posts still feel that the other woman is 100% not to be blamed for the collateral damage an affair causes? That it's ALL the wandering husband's fault?

I still feel that neither all "other women" nor all affairs are the same. We haven't ALL gone and done those frankly cruel things.

absolutebounder

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I think we can "extrapolate" that 1echidna approves of those people who are either having an affair or saying there's nothing wrong with doing so.

You have to remember that where there is now a withered worm once stood a proud penis ready for any seductress princess.
this is of course in his cellophane bubble of plastic reality produced from an antipsychotic aura of emptiness in his meaningless mind.