Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

erdd2 wrote: »

Suicide is a consideration for a person when they cannot cope with their pain.....of which we all have different threshholds.......your apparently uncaring attitude of your mothers pain could be painful for her....what is selfish is to expect others to suffer pain in silence....the "I am okay Jack" .....and then the change of attitude when it happens to them :eek:

But it's not the responsibility of the child to ensure the parent is happy, I couldn't imagine in a million years putting that sort of pressure on my children, no matter how unhappy I was.

vroombroom wrote: »

I never said they were unhappy - quite the opposite in fact. My father wanted to have his cake and eat.

If he was happy, why would he leave?

POPPYOSCAR

cheepskate wrote: »

You will probably find that it is not the act of breaking up, that causes the pain.

It is infact the lies and deciet, while all the while acting as if everything is fine at home.

There seems to be this notion that a person has an affair because they are unhappy at home, not always the case.

The person doing the affair cant really come out and say they are deleriously happy with thier current partner and only really want a bit on the side(altho their are people who would openly settle for this)

No, I understand that some people seem to have a need for various reasons to have affairs, but they don't usually end up 'leaving' unless they get found out and thrown out which is not the same thing. There are some that are unhappy and thats usually why they end up leaving.

vroombroom

he didnt leave - he was kicked out when my mum finally saw sense;)

martinthebandit

cheepskate wrote: »

altho their are people who would openly do this

Well the OP's bloke seems happy enough with his bit on the side

erdd2

purpletoenails wrote: »

But it's not the responsibility of the child to ensure the parent is happy

[ /QUOTE]

I did not intimate that a child is responsible for a parents happiness

POPPYOSCAR

cheepskate wrote: »

You will probably find that it is not the act of breaking up, that causes the pain.

It is infact the lies and deciet, while all the while acting as if everything is fine at home.

There seems to be this notion that a person has an affair because they are unhappy at home, not always the case.

The person doing the affair cant really come out and say they are deleriously happy with thier current partner and only really want a bit on the side(altho their are people who would openly do this)

You see I find that hard to understand.

For me it was the act of breaking up, of him not being beside me in our bed, of not doing all the things we used to do together, of the thought of my future without him.

Bogof_Babe

Humphrey10 wrote: »

My parents split up when I was in primary school. It was fine. My sister and I still had frequent contact with our father (we lived with our mother), and there was no more arguing at home. My mother wasn't some kind of parasite living off my father and depending on him for her existence, she is a human being with a life of her own, so was able to survive after he had left, in the same way she was able to survive before she met him.

If my mother had been so irresponsible, selfish, and abusive to threaten suicide whilst being primary carer for two primary school aged children that would have been her fault, not my father's. I would have never forgiven her if she had behaved like that.

You say they "split up", not that your father was messing around with another woman unbeknown to your mother. Or even known to her. Totally different scenario.

Incidentally I don't think the sort of relationship that exists between a married couple needs to be described as parasitic. Mutually supportive yes, parasitic no. If your mum had left your dad and he had gone to pieces would you have thought he was parasitic?

Anyone faced with the trauma of a relationship split that is not of their making is entitled to feel betrayed and devastated. I'm glad your mum rose above it, but if she didn't feel some sort of hurt or abandonment then she must have been lacking in emotional connection while they were together.

POPPYOSCAR

vroombroom wrote: »

he didnt leave - he was kicked out when my mum finally saw sense;)

The confusion has arisen as in your post you said when your dad left your mum - sorry misunderstood.

purpletoenails

erdd2 wrote: »

Suicide is a consideration for a person when they cannot cope with their pain.....of which we all have different threshholds.......your apparently uncaring attitude of your mothers pain could be painful for her....what is selfish is to expect others to suffer pain in silence....the "I am okay Jack" .....and then the change of attitude when it happens to them :eek:

erdd2 wrote: »

purpletoenails wrote: »

But it's not the responsibility of the child to ensure the parent is happy

[ /QUOTE]

I did not intimate that a child is responsible for a parents happiness

Bold bit is the comment I was responding to.

vroombroom wrote: »

he didnt leave - he was kicked out when my mum finally saw sense;)

So she didn't want him to stay anyway?

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I'm glad your mum rose above it, but if she didn't feel some sort of hurt or abandonment then she must have been lacking in emotional connection while they were together.

Maybe she managed to keep a happy face on for the benefit of her children, in order to minimise any further stress to them after her marriage broke down.