Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

cheepskate wrote: »

Maybe you should be so brave, as to go to the unsuspecting wife's, when your having the affair, and give her your opinion, on cross over relationships

Yes, because that's such a realistic scenario. And to be fair, I think the fact that I was sleeping with her husband might give her a tiny clue as to my opinion already.

Can I point out, yet again, that having an affair is not something I do all the time. You make it sound like I'm at it all the time.

FatVonD

nickyhutch wrote: »

Those of us you're criticising aren't asking for forgiveness, just to have their opinion heard without the virtual lynching.

Ditto those of us that don't think adultery is okay, except when those people voice their opinion it is labeled 'judgemental'. You posted, people replied, was yours supposed to be the definitive word on the subject and everybody else to hear it and just shut up, end of? You heard what they had to say, you refuted it, they refute what you have to say and on and on it goes... and yet still nobody replies to my question whether they think that the wife has a right to make her own decision about whether she wants to be part of it all apart from to say it's not their place to tell the wife.

For what it's worth I don't think it's the place of the other woman to tell the wife and I agree that (the majority of) the betrayal lies squarely at the feet of husband but the other woman is still guilty of colluding in that betrayal. If I were to drive the getaway car from a bank heist I may not have been the one with the sawn-off shotgun but I am still guilty of a crime. If I refuse they may of course find another getaway driver and still commit the crime but I wouldn't be guilty of any part in it, (unless I was his one, true getaway driver in which case he'd mourn my passing and lead a life on the straight and narrow :rotfl: )

FatVonD

nickyhutch wrote: »

The last bit about dating sites - how true! I was on a few "socialising" rather than true dating sites, and my word, a huge proportion of the men on there were married or coupled-up, and more than keen for a meet up. Same goes for a night out - the number of married/coupled men trying it on is amazing. People who haven't been there haven't really got a clue.

We've all been there (well I have anyway) and most of us run a mile from them and pity their poor wives!

nickyhutch

I think the difference is the tone in the "refuting". I've not been judgemental about people's opinions - quite the opposite; I'm of the opinion that they are perfectly entitled to them, but to slate OP and me like some have is beyond "refuting".

nickyhutch

FatVonD wrote: »

We've all been there (well I have anyway) and most of us run a mile from them and pity their poor wives!

*sigh*

Good for you. That wasn't the point I was making/agreeing with. stargazer was indicating to those who were CERTAIN their OH's wouldn't stray that they might be slightly misguided.

FatVonD

nickyhutch wrote: »

I think the difference is the tone in the "refuting". I've not been judgemental about people's opinions - quite the opposite;

The old 'judgemental' get-out-of-jail-free-card has raised its ugly head again...

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm of the opinion that they are perfectly entitled to them

Yet you spend so much time telling them their opinions are wrong? They believe their husbands would never cheat so you tell them they are smug or 'don't have a clue'. How is that respecting their opinion?

nickyhutch

FatVonD wrote: »

The old 'judgemental' get-out-of-jail-free-card has raised its ugly head again...



Yet you spend so much time telling them they're opinions are wrong? Where? They believe their husbands would never cheat so you tell them they are smug Where? or 'don't have a clue'. How is that respecting their opinion?

I'm simply pointing out that they may be factually wrong i.e. not wrong in their opinion. In my opinion, complacency is the biggest problem in relationships.

FatVonD

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm simply pointing out that they may be factually wrong i.e. not wrong in their opinion. In my opinion, complacency is the biggest problem in relationships.

What, all of them?? So now your husband is the only one that's not cheating??! Someone call the irony Police! :rotfl:

So, once again before I go off to watch the next disk of Lost... do you think the wife has a right to be able to decide for herself whether she wants to still be intimate/in a relationship with someone that has another woman on the side and why would you feel it is okay to make that choice for her?

1echidna

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

You don't need to be religious to see the damage done to families due to one partner's adultery.

I would point out that the more agressive posts haven't been mine - you're just arguing with me because I'm still posting;)

If you didn't call it 'adultery' you might not prejudge the results and then you might see mitigating factors and even positive outcomes on occasions.

POPPYOSCAR

FatVonD wrote: »

The old 'judgemental' get-out-of-jail-free-card has raised its ugly head again...



Yet you spend so much time telling them their opinions are wrong? They believe their husbands would never cheat so you tell them they are smug or 'don't have a clue'. How is that respecting their opinion?

I have read all the posts on this thread and I do not read the posts from Nickyhutch as you seem to be doing.

IMO she has responded to posts that have been very attacking in their nature and she has sought to explain her position.

I understand that people have strong views either way (and some in the middle), but opinions can be expressed without resorting to the 'judgemental' yes 'judgemental' attitude that does come across from some posters.